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Published on December 14th, 2011 | by Sharp-O


Tease Me, Baby! – GI Joe: Retaliation

That’s right, boys and girls! Because you’ve been very good all year, Tease Me, Baby gives you the gift that keeps on giving; a kick-ass trailer for a testosterone-fueled movie!

GI Joe: Rise of Cobra earned lukewarm reviews on its release but in this humble reviewers opinion, it was just a fun movie. Granted, I know next to nothing about GI Joe as a franchise bar a few names and seeing the animated movie when I was young but I thought the first live action outing embraced the silliness of the material and delivered a light-hearted if somewhat flawed romp.

Cut to today and we’ve been given the trailer for it’s sequel which offers more action, more Joe-ness, and Dwayne “Boots to Asses” Johnson. The basic plot of the movie smacks of the A-Team as the Joes are framed for a crime they did not commit by the President (Secretly Zartan, an undercover agent for Cobra, directly following a plot point in the previous film). The Joes that remain after a brutal attack are charged with clearing their names and kicking Cobra square in the nards along the way. As usual, I’ll pick out some highlights and then offer my opinion on the trailer as a whole. The music is a remix of Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes and the more I listen to it, the most I hate it. I get why it was chosen but another theme would have been preferable.

“You will call me Commander!”

Fresh out of whatever prison Storm Shadow busts him out of in the trailer, we see CC sporting a fresh face-plate that brings to mind his animated counterpart which is a huge step up from that burn victim mask he donned for all of five seconds in the last movie. We see him conspiring with President Zartan and Ray Stevenson, playing a character called Firefly.

See no evil, speak no evil

Ray Park returns as the mute Snake-Eyes and this time he’s got a sidekick in the form of Jinx, a female ninja with a penchant for fighting blind. Literally. There’s an impressive set piece later in the trailer featuring these two in a mountain-side ninja fight which looks particularly impressive. I think we can all agree that the Cliffhanger would have been a far better movie if it had ninjas in it.

The Rock bottom line.

Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has been a big supporter of the project since he joined to play heavy weapons specialist, Roadblock. With a steady stream of behind the scenes info and pictures, he’s been the guy to follow during development. He seems to have had a blast filming and he seems to be taking a major role in the movie, seemingly leading the remaining Joes in their secret war against Cobra.

In her satin tights, fighting for your rights and the old Red, White and Blue.

Fresh off the set of the failed Wonder Woman series, Adrianne Palicki play Lady Jaye. This films designated totty, she’s a rough and tough Joe who looks great in a dress and…. And…. Dammit all, can I address her mole? It’s not noticeable in motion (She’s also wearing a slinky dress, further distracting the eye) but for a screenshot, all I can see is that mole. Mole! Bloody mole! I don’t want to be talking about the bloody mole, but there’s a bloody mole winking me in the face. GAH!

Mass Hiss-teria!

The most grabbing image of the trailer is the Cobra insignia being unfurled over the White House, revealing the true power behind the President in what is probably the third act of the movie. It’s a striking image and I can’t help but hum the GI Joe theme tune when I see it.

So that’s GI Joe: Retaliation and I enjoyed the hell out of it. The first movie was an enjoyable yet flawed movie and this second outing appears to fix some of what fans complained about first time round. I’m going out on a limb and I’m saying this is a close second to The Avengers for my most anticipated movie of 2012. What did you guys think of the trailer? Let us know bin the comments below. After all, knowing is half the battle!

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