Articles apesfeature

Published on April 15th, 2011 | by Aaron


Tease Me, Baby! – Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

I was a big fan of the original Planet Of The Apes films. They’re weren’t all gold but they excelled in the type intelligent science fiction films that we don’t see much of anymore. They made a statement about a myriad of social issues at the time but also were damn good entertainment at the same time.

My favourite in the series of films is Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes. Yes, the titles in these films are ridiculously long. Anyway, Conquest was interesting because it was the story of the apes’ uprising. It was stirring, it made you root for the apes, who were the bad guys originally, and it aped (pun intended) the civil rights issues of the time.

So when I heard they were making a new prequel to these films that would change the origin of the apes, I was needless to say a little ticked off. However, they announced that the wonderful Weta Digital would be working on the apes and Andy Serkis would be playing the lead ape (named Caesar after the lead character in Conquest, I’m sure they thought that this was a nice touch but honestly it just bugs me). Could this change things?

Well the trailer is out now so lets see what’s in store.

Here are my thoughts/feelings/attempts at being funny.

– “So they’re, like, smart or something”

I understand James Franco is an oscar nominated actor and is supposed to be a lovely fellow. I have no ill will toward him. With that being said, I can’t take him seriously anymore. When people thought he was stoned while hosting the Oscars it was because a) he may have been but most likely b) he just sounds that way. Constantly.

So when he hands a potato chip, THE BASE FOOD OF STONERS, to an ape…

…and is impressed when the ape wants another, yeah, all I now see is scientist stoner. Either Franco needs to start taking some speech classes to get rid of that slur in his voice or stick to the Cheech and Chong style films he’s now doing with Danny McBride.

– What A Downer

I really hope this woman has some higher purpose in this film other than to tell Franco that he’s wrong. Unfortunately it’s all we hear in the trailer. It’s just bitch, bitch, bitch.

Although this moment is highly suggestive that she may be some sort of romantic interest. If we’re lucky we’ll get to see an ape rip her face off at some point.

-Because Apes Can Be Perverts Too

This is creepy on several levels.

I don’t think I need to expand on it too much other than… why?

– Are You Gonna Go My Way?

Sorry, the shot just reminded me of the Lenny Kravitz video, but you know, with apes.

My main problem here is that these apes are numbered. There can only be so many within this facility and only these ones have been enhanced. So when they break out and apparently rise up they’re completely outnumbered by the public. I don’t care how smart these apes are now, any sort of military attack should sort them out.

In the original Conquest the number of apes rivaled the humans and their uprising was a real rebellion, it was essentially a class of people fighting back. They wore clothes and had jobs. The apes could even use guns!

In this? Well, it can’t get very far can it? It’s only those experimented on that are fighting and they’re not used to the outside world so they’re still learning about their surroundings when they break out. They only have the scientists to revenge against. It’s just so much more limited.

– Andy Serkis

The man needs to get more work so I’m always happy to see him, even if he is an ape this time.

And I do like that the apes are… apey and not just people in masks so that’s a positive.


I may not be giving this a fair chance by comparing it to the classic films but this new approach to the story really changes a lot of the meaning behind the originals and makes it more into a creature feature than the social commentary it once was. Making the apes something dangerous that started running wild rather than slaves who fought back against their masters is a rather shallow choice in comparison. Maybe the movie will surprise me and be loftier than this trailer suggests, but I’m not holding my breath.

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