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Published on May 6th, 2011 | by Aaron


Tease Me, Baby! – Conan The Barbarian

It’s hard to fill Arnie’s shoes. Your first problem is, they’re massive (not physically speaking mind you, he’s apparently a size 10) over the decades he has become a legend in action films with some of the greatest ever in his resume. Your second problem is just how unique the guy is too. From his build to his accent you would never mistake him for anyone else.

This brings us to Conan and the task Jason Momoa has taken upon his muscly shoulders. This is a reboot of sorts. The story is not a copy of any previous Conan films so it’s technically not a remake. It’s basically telling stories of the great barbarian and pretending that the other films didn’t exist. And I think this is a wise move.

Firt of all, the original Conan films are old enough now that the majority of the modern movie going audience is not too familiar with them. Sure, us geeks know them well, but we’re geeks and we know far more useless crap than most people do anyway. So I think the timing is fine for a franchise reboot. But also, with the popularity of the Blood & Sand, boobs and swords sort of entertainment at the moment it seems only right to re-introduce one of the originators of this genre to the mix.

But will Conan return to his rightfull throne in this regard? Lets take a look at the trailer.

Here are some thoughts on what we’ve just witnessed.

– Anonymous Bad Guys… Check

What’s a warrior film without lots of bad guys to hack and slash? And while I don’t know the motivation of the villains in the film other than they’re villains, you have to credit them for doing their job.

Ugly, evil and harming virgins. Can’t ask for much more.

– Pretty and Dark. Pretty Dark.

There are a few landscape shots in this trailer and they all look very nice. My only worry is that they’re quite muddy in colour and light so when you throw on the 3D specs, you’ll be squinting to see anything. I mean, this is already hard to make out.

On a side note; these sort of CGI landscapes look great but I find they often seem out of place with the rest of a film. For example, we cut from sprawling shots like this one to very claustrophobic sets like this:

I know it’s a trick of the business to try and fool you into believing that this set built on a carpark is apart of the same world as the CGI landscape, but most of the time (lately at the very least) it just points out how different the two images are because there isn’t much middle ground.

Just a thought.

– “No man should live in chains… or a shirt”

So lets take a look at our new Conan, shall we?

He’s a cut guy. He looks like he can throw down. Does he look like a Barbarian? Not much. Is it me or does he look short and a bit too pretty? Something about his hair is bugging me. I don’t know. It’s obviously hard to tell from the incredibly short shots we get of him. Is the fact that a film called Conan has very little of Conan in the trailer a bit worrying? Yes, that much I do know.


Overall, this trailer isn’t great. The film could turn out to be a belter but the trailer is giving me the impression this is going to be a really generic action film. The original Conan films weren’t exactly Oscar winners but if you’re going to do something again, make it something special. This, I’m afraid, won’t be.

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