DJ and Kasey play Resident Evil 6. They are just as bad as you’d imagine.

DJ as Leon

Kasey as Helena

Because neither of them seemed to understand the controls:

We still just dick around and aren’t actually reviewing the game. We’re professionals.

DJ and Kasey play Resident Evil 6. They are just as bad as you’d imagine.

DJ as Leon

Kasey as Helena

coagulate

Syllabification: (co·ag·u·late)
Pronunciation: /kōˈagyəˌlāt/

    [no object]

        (of a fluid, especially blood) change to a solid or semisolid state:

            blood had coagulated around the edges of the wound

    [with object]

        cause (a fluid) to change to a solid or semisolid state:

            epinephrine coagulates the blood

Also, Aurora

We still just dick around and aren’t actually reviewing the game. We’re professionals.

Ok folks, I was supposed to have this reviewed for the past week and a half. However, I was struck down with the nastiest of flu. Man-flu. My body ached, I could only barely move, I groaned, and my skin looked pale and… life… less. Oh crap. You guys. I think I became a zombie! AAAAAAH!

Well, maybe this will help me write this review of the, let’s be nice and say “controversial”, trailer for the universally adored book by Max Brooks. World War Z is a favourite of mine. It was stunningly written and featured ideas and scenarios that are not only highly original in the zombie genre but also incredibly haunting in their severity and realism. I know talking about realism in a zombie story seems silly but Brooks creates a world that logically reacts to an illogical problem.

World War Z the movie however seems to be very different. I’ll get into the specifics after the video but the low-down is that Brad Pitt seems to be an important person and he has to get his family to safety from the crazy, running, rubbery looking bad guys who may or may not be zombies, it’s hard to tell.

Yeah. Just watch.

Oy… Alright. Let’s do this.

– Target Practice

One of the things I really liked about the books is the military response to the zombie threat as it was something we don’t normally see. The presence of the government and the military is usually missing from most zombie movies, it’s kind of a hallmark of the genre. In this trailer however we can see them in action…

… against these really fast, rubbery, bouncing, super strong creatures. So I guess we still won’t see the military in a zombie movie.

– Who The F&%$ Are You?

Rather than the world expanding stories of the book we’re instead going to follow the tale of one man and his family. Which, I suppose, isn’t the worst but honestly I don’t care about the kids. Kids have no place in a zombie movie unless they’re a creepy zombie themselves or their name is Carl Grimes.

And who is that kid at the front? Where did they pick him up from? Brad’s character only has two daughters, this kid just decides to tag along!

– In The Navy

One of the most memorable stories from the book involves terror under the sea with some messed up submarine-versus-zombies tales. Will we get to see any of that in this movie?

Probably not. But we might get to see Brad Pitt in some naval gear. Silver linings, folks.

– Stop That, Zombies. You’re Zombies, You Don’t Do That

I’m more than happy to debate the merit of fast vs slow zombies. I’m also willing to debate whether or not fast zombies are actual zombies at all. But nobody, and I mean nobody, can tell me that these things, creating a little ladder for themselves here, are anything like the creatures described in the book.

Not even a little bit. They have arms, legs, and a head to aim for, that’s about it.

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Overall: Look, I’m not an idiot. I know that if the title World War Z wasn’t attached to this movie I would be super excited to see it. It could be a crazy ass action movie with Brad Pitt. How could that be wrong?

But the problem is, it does have WWZ on the title and therefore I have to hold it to that standard, which means right now this turd is failing. There has been reports of terrible delays and set problems from the beginning with this film so maybe it was doomed long ago but they’re going to have to release a trailer a hell of a lot better than this if they want me to buy a ticket.

I picked this up in a special deal that my local shop was promoting whereby, for about $35, you buy the 8 basic variant covers and they include a ninth metalized (is that a word) version of the Charlie Adlard cover H. A fine deal. I’m not going to be able to get the Comic Con B&W cover and there’s no way in hell I’m getting the Charlie Adlard B&W 1:200 cover (currently going for anywhere from $400 -$2000, depending on the ignorance of the buyer) and I appreciated the store trying to give the regulars a little discount. All of the covers are beautiful. My favorite is probably Silvestri or Ottley’s. Silvestri got the mood right and the picture fits the epic nature of the 100th issue fairly well. Ottley just drew the hell out of Michonne and I love the expression on her face.

The story itself was absolutely brutal. I felt drained after reading it. A lot of it was expected due to the huge amount of build-up, but the second half of the book is absolutely bleak and doesn’t give you a glimmer of hope. The tension created from the “selection” scene is heartbreaking and more than a little sickening and after knowing these characters, some of them for the past 9 or 10 years that the comic book has been in production, I was hurting right along with Rick.

Half of me hates this book, because it creates such an emotional attachment to these characters and strips it away without pause and with brutal efficiency, but I also love it because Kirkman has created a fictional world where you’re not comfortable. Where you can’t settle in to knowing which characters will live or die or guessing your way at how the Scooby Gang will make it out of this snafu.

Read the issue, then go have a lie-down. You’re gonna need it.

A picture of my haul (forgive the quality of a phone camera):

Left-to-right (Cover designation noted next to artist):
Top Row: Bryan Hitch F, Sean Phillips E, Ryan Ottley G, Marc Silvestri B,
Bottom Row: Frank Quietly C, Todd McFarlane D, Charlie Adlard H, Charlie Adlard (Chromium) L

Not pictured is Charlie Adlard’s Cover A because it is currently on loan to my brother-in-law for reading.

JJ and his amazing friend Brian (The Rev. Fitzpatrick of Cabin Fever Fame) have a whopper of a talk. The duo hit on every thing from how it to best survive the zombie hoards (but odds are you will be stuck at the grocery store) to why some comedy works and other comedy fails miserably. I think it is safe to say not a single subject is broached as completely as the pair might have liked to, but the subjects were hitting fast and furious in this nearly double length episode.

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Actually, screw that. Let’s just talk about zombies.

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This month sees the return of The Walking Dead to our TV screens and my question is simple. Zombies attack and the following options are laid out in front of you. Which do you choose?

DEFEND YOURSELF!

[poll id=”13″]

I’m not a fan of cars, not real ones anyway. I’ve never been overly interested in high velocities or how many horses-to-the-power a vehicle can go. As long as a car has an airbag and will get me and my limbs safely from C to D, I’m thankful. Movie cars however, I love. The Delorean, The Tumbler, Ecto-1 – all wonderful motion picture creations.

But what about those vehicles that possibly just miss out on all those ‘best of’ lists floating around the interwebby. Here’s a break down of a few I like (in no particular order) – hope you enjoy!

M577 APC (Armoured Personnel Carrier) Aliens (1986)

Pretty much everything in Aliens looks awesome. LV-426, The Sulaco, the dropship – and the Amoured Personnel Carrier is no exception. It’s just a beast. I’m betting its horn is EPIC.

The Argo ATV (All Terrain Vehicle) Star Trek Nemesis (2002)

You mean we’re still using vehicles with wheels in the 24th century? Well, yes, but this one has two perks; it has a phaser canon strapped to it, and it’s driven by Patrick Stewart, who, as we know, can drive what he likes, regardless of the century. Because he’s the captain.

Centauri’s Space Car The Last Star Fighter (1984)

Robert Preston’s last role in a theatrical film before his death was a memorable one. He drove this gem. He could also take his face off.  Literally, Cage/Travolta style.

Dead Reckoning Land of the Dead (2004)

A heavily armored vehicle that mows down zombies both with its sheer force and devastating ammunition. Also provides firework displays for fêtes and various other events on the weekends.

The cool vehicle from Tango & Cash (1989)

I’ve always felt Warner Bros. missed a trick with a potential franchise here. People would have flocked due to the names alone. Pepper & Change. Pepsi & Coins. Sprite & Moolah. Anyone? ANYONE?!

Back to the vehicle, it has a gatling gun bolted to its side = WIN!

EM-50 ‘Urban Assault Vehicle’ Stripes (1981)

Disguised to look like a large recreational vehicle (specifically, a late 70s GMC motorhome) – this is possibly the army’s cleverest idea ever after promoting Bilko to Sergeant. As I was unable to find a video of the vehicle in action, please instead enjoy Bill Murray and Harold Ramis singing.

Ford Anglia Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)

IT’S MAGIC AND FLIES, PLUS IT’S REAL!!

I feel I don’t have to expand further on this.

The Griswald’s Wagon Queen Family Truckster National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)

Gotta love the Griswalds. Gotta love their car exploits. There were a few videos to pluck from, but I got side tracked and this clip always makes me giggle. Contains swearing.

Other notable mentions go to Blade’s 1968 Dodge Charger, Officer Murphy’s Ford Taurus and Optimus (both the ’86 movie and current franchise) Prime. 

JJ and his amazing friend Jason dedicate this our third “clean” show to our landlord and resident zombie enthusiast here at The Website Of Doom, Mr. Antonio “JJ Still Feels Odd Referring To Him By His Real Name” Bay. JJ opens the show explaining why he thinks it is a good idea to keep up the annual tradition, and then highly recommends a film he saw recently, then the conversion makes its own path…never to return. Movies, Comics, Collectibles, Television Shows, Circumcision all gets at least mentioned in a profanity free trip into the psyche of the geek.

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JJ and his amazing friend Elizabeth have a late night chat on a very hot evening. The pair had no idea what they were going to talk about, but somehow got from John Donne to seventies horror movies. The pair attempt to not only impart a love of classic cinema, but if you listen closely, you might even learn a very important word in Italian.

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I have never read an issue of Dylan Dog. Not because it’s bad, I’ve just never heard of it. Or to be more precise, no-one has ever recommended it to me. I have a good comic book store I frequent in Dublin and they have a great selection but these damn books are expessive so unless I recognise something about it or was given a thumbs up by a friend, it doesn’t even register on my radar.

Tiziano Sclavi’s comic may not be on my list but I have a soft spot for Brandon Routh and that means I’m suddenly interested in this film. The former Clark Kent plays the title character, a human detective who is the number 1 choice for un-dead problems. That’s right folks it’s Vampires, Zombies and Werewolves, oh my!

Helming this film is… Kevin Munroe? Nope, I haven’t heard of him either. According to his IMDB page the only other previous film he directed was TMNT. If our resident Turtoligist, Colin Hill, could leave a comment at the bottom of the page as to his skills it would be greatly appreciated.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, apart from Routh, I have no idea what we’re getting ourselves in for. So lets take a look at the trailer.

Are you ready? Lets do this!

– Party Posse

I have been to many clubs in my life. In different countries. But never, not once, have I been to one that looks like the clubs we see in movies. Every movie club ever either looks like a strip club or an empty warehouse. And they never look fun either!

I would not be caught dead (or un-dead for that matter) in a dump like this. Look at it. You’d be more likely to catch rabies than get laid. You might even get rabies from getting laid.

It’s a pet peeve. The club thing, not the rabies.

– Dumb And Dumber

I’ve spoken before how sometimes the comedy side-kick in a film can get really annoying if it’s mugged to death. Hamming up every line and being overly goofy are trademarks of this profession. Sam Huntington looks like he could end up down the same road judging by this trailer but he’s not half as bad as these two.

I don’t know who they are. They’re probably only in the film about 5 minutes in total but the flashes of them I see here make me want to gouge out their eyes and then my own.

I understand this film isn’t taking it self too seriously (or at all) but these sort of doofuses, doofi if you will, can really kill scenes. Besides, dead or not, they’re medical professionals! Stop giggling like teenagers!

– Colour/Color

I have no problem with this scene really, it’s a joke about zombie arms and it’s OK.

Two weird issues though.
1) Is it me or does Routh’s voice seem really badly dubbed through this whole trailer?
2) What is up with the colour pallette they’re using here?

Blech. It’s a nightmare colour spectrum.

– Check Out The Guns On That Guy

Gun owners, is this normal?

Big Brandon gurning as he muscles the gun open. Is it normally that tough to do?

Either way, Routh having some throw downs with a bunch of monsters is something I’m looking forward to seeing.

– For The Ladies

As if the Thor and Captain America trailers weren’t enough.

Gratuitous man nipples.

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Overall… this looks a mess. I have a sneaky feeling the Dylan Dog franchise would have done a whole lot better if it was made into a TV series instead. As it is? I doubt this will get good reviews. It might end up a fun watch, there is enough ridiculousness going on here to give a giggle I’m sure. It’s just a shame that this trailer inspires nothing in me. With the volume of heavy hitters out this summer, this Dog will most likely be left out in the yard.