DJ and Kasey play WWE2K14.

Hell In A Cell: HB-Gay (very creative DJ) vs. Stone Cold (Kasey knows he missed out on an opportunity for Stone Cold Fox). This should have been posted like 2 months ago, but y’know. Stuff and things.

DJ as Shawn Michaels

Kasey as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Merry Christmas!

We still just dick around and aren’t actually reviewing the game. We’re professionals.

HHH has been trying to sell this Sundays title unification match between Randy Orton and John Cena as historic. Sadly, it’s not nearly as historic as the first time it happened back in 2001. WWE had recently bought WCW and therefore had control and use of their title. Soon, it became obvious to unite the two championships and they did so with a tournament at Vengeance in December 2001.

The tournament was simple. The two current champions The Rock (WWE Championship) and Steve Austin (World Championship) would face their challengers, Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle respectively. The winners from both matches would then instantly face each-other for the deciding bout.

That’s how you book a Pay-Per-View, folks.

Steve Austin overcame Kurt Angle in the first match. Then came Jericho versus The Rock.

Then, immediately after, the interference-filled match between Austin and Jericho.

Yeah, if you think that all of HHH’s interference in matches is infuriating right now you should have been around for Vince McMahon inserting himself in everything.

This was a real surprise result that nobody saw coming at the time but it was a legitimate title reign. Chris Jericho was a previous champion in both WWE and WCW so he had the experience and Jericho would hold the title for two defences against both Rocky and Austin but would eventually lose to HHH at Wrestlemania 18.

I bring this to your attention not necessarily as a preview of Sunday night’s action but as a note that what has happened in the past sometimes can inform us on the quality (or lack thereof) of today. Lets not forget about it.

It’s that time again. The big show. Not him, Wrestlemania. My predictions last year were damn near perfect. The only winner I got wrong was Rock/Cena, but considering that was the big shock of the night, I’m OK with missing just one. Can my accuracy continue?

These are the announced matches at the time of writing this article. Considering there is no Diva’s title or US title match on the card 5 days before the show says a few things but I’m sure there’ll be last minute matches for both on the night.

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. The Miz (Interactive Pre-Show Match)

The rumble in the pre-show! Nobody really cares about this match so it’s not too surprising it’s a YouTube only event. Although if that was the rule, half of these matches would be on the pre-show instead of the PPV. That being said, Barrett versus Miz being off the Pay-Per-View also locks in it’s inevitability. They won’t change belts like that.

Winner: Wade Barrett
Via: Pin-fall

Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins

This could have been a bigger deal. They genuinely could have made me care about this one. Rhodes Scholars are great on the mic and in the ring. The team of Albert/Tensai/Sweet Tea and Brodus Clay are… good in the ring? But at the very least, the Bella Twins are back and the Funkadactyls aren’t too bad. There is enough going on to make it fascinating. But it has taken a back seat to all the other crap going on. It probably should have been saved for another, less part-timer heavy night. Oh well.

Winner: Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls
Via: The medium of dance

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

Chris Jericho is an excellent servant to the WWE. He has no ego. His last couple of years have seen him job to everyone and yet somehow still remain popular and hasn’t lost any of his reputation.

Fandago is… well, he makes me laugh at the very least. This match is going to be his first one (as this character, watchers of NXT will be familiar the the wrestler under his previous name) and the standard rule is you don’t lose your debut match. They may dirty the ending to keep Jericho strong but this is definitely going to Faaaaahn-daaaaaahng-goooooooooooooo.

Winner: Fandango
Via: DQ?

WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston

Lots of people are expecting Wrestlemania to be the home of the dissolution of Team Friendship. I don’t think we’re quite there yet and I definitely don’t think they’re going to give the titles to this newly made team.

Am I disappointed we’re not seeing the Prime Time Players in the match? Hell yes. But having these four men in the ring should still result in a great match. Silver linings.

Winner: Team Hell No
Via: Pin-fall

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Ryback has lost a lot of matches lately at PPVs. He’s still one of creative’s favourite guys and I’m sure they’d love to give him the big win here. Henry has been around long enough that a loss here wouldn’t hurt him as much. I’m sure they’d love to have the spectacle of Ryback giving his finisher to the massive Henry too. This one is locked in.

Winner: Ryback
Via: Eating

Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show vs. The Shield

This is the only match that I’m undecided about. This could really go either way. Orton and Sheamus have already lost to the Shield, so logic would tell me that it will reverse and Shield will lose in this rematch. The adding to Big Show could either turn him face again or he could stay heel and cost them the match.

So many variables but I’m going to go with my heart on this one. Believe in The Shield!

Winner: The Shield
Via: Count-Out, possibly?, maybe, I don’t know

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

You know what? Everyone has it nailed on that Swagger is going to win this one. And he just might. Momentum seems to be on his side and it all seems to be going that way. But I’m going to make my boldest predicition of the night. Yes. I think it will finally happen. Ziggler is going to cash in the case. And I will explode with joy.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Via: Cashing It In

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred Match; If Lesnar wins, Triple H must retire)

And here starts the slow decent into boredom. The next three matches are so obvious it hurts. HHH will win. No doubt. No worries.

Winner: HHH
Via: Pin-fall

The Undertaker vs. CM Punk

The streak will not end. As much as I’d love to see it happen. As interesting as it would be. It’s just not happening. Just try to enjoy the ride.

Winner: The Undertaker
Via: Inevitability

WWE Champion The Rock vs. John Cena

The part-timer will drop the belt and go back to his real job. Cena will once again be the superman on the block and we can all leave and go cry into our corn flakes.

Winner: John Cena
Via: Sigh…

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Those are my picks. If you want to share your own leave them in the comments and we’ll see how we all get on after Sunday night. Good luck!

Here we are. Six. Six Fast and Furious films. Bloody hell.

I saw the first one in the cinema because I too once was a teenager and just needed to get out of the house at the weekends. I too once thought that Vin Diesel would be a big thing. But I’m older now and have grown smarter than such things. I would have thought that the rest of the world would have grown with me but I guess there’s always more teenagers looking for something to do on the weekends.

Harsh? Perhaps. The previous films have been very hit-and-miss. When they work, the F&F franchise is good popcorn chewing fun. When they don’t, they’re mindless drivel. So when Fast & Furious pulls off the double-trilogy, all is not well in Denmark Hollywood.

Here is the extended 3 minute trailer.

– Who is the bad guy?

With the previous criminals helping out the police, it’s reasonable to ask. Well, the answer is quite obviously, Batman.

Maybe now that the Nolan films are done they were able to re-use some of their old props.

– Paul Walker

Just look at his big stupid head.

When these films began he was supposed to be the big star of the future. Man, who would want to live in that universe? Paul Walker, I would assume.

– $%!? just got real

Ho, ho, ho, now I have a tank.

And what could be more crazy than that?

– Oh, I see…

Fine. Be like that.

———————————————————————————————-

I have to say, this looks like it could be fun. Completely ridiculous fun. It’s hard to understand why they still insist on shoe-horning in the theme of street racing into the plot though. F&F6 looks like a standard, A-Team-style crime adventure. Maybe it has evolved into something more.

This might turn into a bit of a rant so bear with me. Obviously if you haven’t seen the Rumble yet don’t read an article about it.

Last night saw the most predictable WWE Pay-Per-View in recent memory. This current story-line setting up the “twice in a lifetime” Cena/Rock confrontation at Wrestlemania was sign-posted months ago and the inevitability of it all is tough to take.

Looking at it objectively it’s not a bad story. The company boy Cena lost his must-win match to The Rock at Wrestlemania last year and now he has a chance to redeem himself, and for the title no less. But the problem is this story requires the belt to be in the hands of a part-timer and there are some real issues with that for most fans like myself. It all boils down to respect.

Going back to Wrestlemania last year, The Rock’s win over Cena was a shock. John Cena was the WWE’s star. They placed the company on his shoulders completely and weren’t shy about doing so. While The Rock was in a similar position himself ten years ago, he was now a Hollywood actor and would make an appearance in the WWE once every year or two. To the outsider, for the actor to win would be ridiculous. To let the actor beat their star man would make him look weak and bury him as a legitimate top wrestler. But the WWE didn’t seem to think that way. So The Rock is still seen as the bigger star or they thought Cena was so over that they couldn’t hurt him. Either way it seemed bizarre at the time.

At that very same Pay-Per-View, CM Punk was in the early stages of what would eventually be the longest WWE Title reign in over 25 years. The longest title reign in my lifetime. And his whole reign was about “respect” and how the title was more important than anything else. He brought legitimacy to the belt which was previously being handed around like a parcel at a kids party. He did this, for 434 days, despite being habitually given bad time slots and little air-time. And for the WWE fans who had become disillusioned with the current WWE product, he was a rallying point. He was what the company could be and in many ways what it needs to become if it’s to stay alive.

Punk’s loss to Rock wasn’t a shock like it was with Cena as we could all see it coming, especially the moment that Cena won the Rumble. You could see the cogs moving in Vince McMahon’s brain from miles away. But despite it’s obviousness it was nevertheless still galling to see the belt being handed to a part-time wrestler. To a man who won’t be showing up to house-shows on tour and to a man who won’t be wrestling again until the next Pay-Per-View. He’ll only defend his belt once until he eventually loses to Cena at Wrestlemania.

At the end of the day, wrestling is a business and this a money driven decision. As far as Vince is concerned this was a no-brainer. But sometimes I think you need to worry about the image you’re presenting and the legacy of your business’ top prize. The Rumble was predictable but it doesn’t mean it was right.

JJ and his amazing friend Aaron are back to brighten your day, even if only a little. The two start off with a discussion of an episode of Raw that is a week old as of this posting. Yep, keeping the podcast current, yes we are. The pair also discuss the key to finding satisfaction, if not real success on the internet. And after a little story of parental fear, the two launch into a few comics that you should be reading. Can you smell the ice cream sandwiches that the best people’s champion in the world is cooking?

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Facebook and Twitter has lit up about it. Even as I type this on Wednesday, two days after RAW, CM Punk is trending on Twitter. It would seem to be a failure on my part not to chime in, so why wouldn’t I?

For the next three weeks WWE will exist purely to sell Pay Per View bookings. The Royal Rumble takes place on January 27th and their headline match is CM Punk versus The Rock. The promo wars began this past Monday night and it was intriguing to say the least.

CM Punk is one of the best in the business on the mic, Rocky hasn’t been on our screens for nearly a year and the last time we saw him he was writing notes on the back of his hand. They come from two very different schools of wrestling, Punk was an indy wrestler for years before catching a break and Rocky was the chosen one long before he ever referred to himself in the third person. Nobody knew what to expect the first time they faced off.

Here is the full 30 minute talk-off (with slightly dodgy audio).

Here are my thoughts:

CM Punk started it all off with some choice ranting. When Punk breaks down the problems with the company it’s a beautiful thing to behold. The problem I had was when, I feel, he lost his way and tried to tie it into the crowd. He’s a heel, he’s supposed to get people to hate him and I understand that but I personally feel that some of his points were lost in the mix as he weaved back and forth between beefs. He had the crux of a great promo in there, I just thought it was a little tainted by some sloppy execution. Part of that problem lies in the length of time allowed. I think if he had to do this in half the time he was given it would have been perfect.

Rocky started out in a more serious tone, which is something I had hoped for. He made direct points to Punk and referenced Punk’s own words. It was good. Then, unfortunately he started falling back on the old cliches and his tired old routine. It lowered the tone and showed that Rock has trouble working on Punk’s level. Rocky is one of the best ever to work in the WWE but his style just isn’t the current style and it certain isn’t Punk’s style. It may be considered bias, but to me Punk’s tone is a more intelligent one.

Over all, I was a little dissapointed, I look forward to the coming weeks when hopefully things get much more personal. It’s early days though and both guys need to find their feet with this feud. I don’t believe they’ve found their angle just yet.

Where can this all go? I know what I want to see. Rocky needs to play on Punk’s paranoia of being constantly looked over in the WWE. Rocky is the company man, the golden boy and I think he needs to use that.

If there was a knock out punch in Round One it has to be this.

Or, you know “In your face, Jerks”.

CM Punk 1 – The Rock 0

And if you’re wondering why Punk was trending on Twitter earlier:

He was in Miami wearing Dwayne’s old college football Jersey. Snap.

In what has become an unstoppable growing beast of promo on RAW, the John Cena vs. The Rock match at Wrestelemania is building up with aplomb. We all expected this to happen, in what was an unusual step, they announced the match a year ago. They’re obviously hoping this “generation versus generation” fight will sell some Pay-Per-View tickets. What we probably weren’t expecting though was how this promo battle has been going.

For one, it has been much more personal than anyone could have realized.

If you have been listening to any interviews from wrestlers over the last few years, it is pretty obvious that the majority of the locker room has a real problem with retired wrestlers coming back for one big pay cheque at Wrestlemania, stealing what they consider to be their spot/limelight. It’s understandable. These guys on the roster do regular work everynight at house shows and tapings week in and week out having to endure all the troubles of life on the road. If someone who doesn’t do that work turns up and steals the show at a big event… it would stick in your craw.

John Cena has gone on record to say this sort of thing in the past and, in what seems to be an ever increasing trend on RAW, has decided to shoot about this in his build up to Wrestlemania. This is a brave move for a couple of reasons. First of all the fans love Rock, and considering Cena’s already rocky relationship with the crowd (no pun intended) they could have turned on him further. The WWE still don’t want a heel Cena. It’s also brave because Rock isn’t a wrestler any more. He doesn’t need this. He has legitimately become bigger than the WWE and if you push his buttons enough, one can only assume he won’t come back. So I have to say, I thought it was ballsy of Cena to take this angle and I did not expect that from a guy who has been sailing along for quite some time in the company.

But most of all, what no-one saw coming is that Rock is losing. Badly.

Like I said before, Dwayne Johnson is no longer a wrestler. He’s a successful movie star. And, concordantly, he’s rusty in the ring. It was evident two weeks ago when he came back and did a rather meandering, boring promo. It was even more evident when Cena pipe-bombed him with the comment about the notes written on Rock’s wrist.

This was embarrassing for all involved. It was clear that it has also hit a nerve with Rocky. He was flustered and visibly agitated directly afterwards and this week on RAW stepped up his game. Unfortunately his game is still sidelined to pre-recorded pieces but these taped sections genuinely reminded me of the Rocky of old. Attitude era cursing and all.

As a side note: I don’t mind the cursing at all and in a way I miss it a little but it really stood out on a show that has been doing it’s best to stay kid friendly. The fact that they let Rock away with it so much goes to show the amount of sway he has with Vince and must have been something Rock argued for.

So at the moment it definitely seems like Rock’s back is against the wall. There is more than just a big money match at stake here. Essentially it’s Rock’s reputation on the line now. At the moment he’s looking foolish in front of the fans that adore him but as everyone knows, WWE fans are some of the most fickle in the world. That adoration could turn to derision very quickly unless he improves quickly. Wrist memos and taped segments on the street are not going to cut it.

It’s going to make for a very interesting run up to Wrestlemania.