I’m going to skip the usual foreplay because if you’re reading this, then you already know who The Avengers are and what this movie means, not only in terms of comics and the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe but also what this movie means in terms of box office. This movie will make bank and that’s because you will go watch it.

Of course you will, it’s the god damn AVENGERS. So where do I even begin with my review of this 141 minute goliath? How best to express my experience of this cinematic colossus? Simple.

This was probably the most fun I’ve had at a movie in my 27 years of living on this Earth. That isn’t hyperbole, that’s how I feel right now. I’m still not done comprehending what I just watched but it is the culmination of 7 years and 11 movies worth of build-up and it lives up to every bit of hype you might imagine for that.

I’m going to avoid MAJOR spoilers for my American friends, since we in the UK had the good fortune to receive this movie a full week before them so here goes:

You know all those cool snow battle scenes in the trailers? The ones you’d assume are from the climax or, at the very least, the second act. Nope, that’s your first ten minutes. Yeah, let that sink in. It came as a real surprise to me and my friend when right off the bat, we get to see what the Avengers do best and it’s amazing to see. This is a team that hasn’t spent the last three years sitting on their hands, they’ve been busy going on raids against HYDRA and the team’s banter and cohesion as a unit is just glorious to behold.

On the acting front, all the actors are on their toppest of top forms. I could not think of a single line or performance that let me down or held up to (and sometimes surpassed) my expectations. Some stuff bears mentioning specifically though:

James Spader takes on the momentous task of taking Ultron and making him… Real. And I was very surprised by his portrayal. I’ve never had a definitive voice or speech mannerism for Ultron but Spader makes the character glow with charm, wit, intelligence and, most of all, menace. He does a fantastic job of portraying what is, essentially, a gestalt entity but also give it a unique voice all its own.

The Maximoff twins are pretty likeable, even as the antagonists for the early part of the movie. The elephant in the room is obviously whether or not this Quicksilver is better than X-Men: Days of Future Past’s version. Short answer; no. Long answer; Aaron Taylor-Johnson plays a far more mature and damaged Pietro and is not predisposed towards shenanigans but he can be a joker, balancing both attitudes pretty well but he’s not the impish trickster that Evan Peters portrayed and actually comes off better for it in some scenes. Scarlet Witch is perfectly fine, Elizabeth Olsen puts in a pitch-perfect portrayal of the hex-wielding Avenger. She really earns her stripes.

And finally, Paul Bettany as The Vision. Our JARVIS turned Synthezoid Avenger makes for a nice counterpoint to Spader’s Ultron, which is obviously the intention but it’s so much better than I thought. I also adore the way Vision proves his intentions to the team. It’s a fantastic little moment.

There’s also a TON of other performances that are great but SPOILERS so I’ll just leave them for you to see for yourself…

The Hulk vs. Hulkbuster scene is just as awe-inspiring as you’d expect and even finds time to throw in some witty one-liners (from Stark, natch). It’s a knockout brawl through a city and I had a smile through the entire thing.

There’s plenty of surprises to be seen, and some fantastic foreshadowing to future movies. I caught references to at least three, not counting the mid-credits scene. I’ve had it confirmed that there’s no post-credits so there’s nothing to stop you leaving after the mid-credits scene.

If there’s anything negative thing to say, there’s one thing that NEEDED to happen in this movie and Whedon knew that, only to purposely leave you blue-balled; but it’s masterfully done so I can’t stay mad because it made me laugh.

Overall, my opinion doesn’t matter because you’re going to go see the movie. Of course you are, it’s The Avengers but more-so and I can guarantee that you will leave the theatre thoroughly satisfied.

Released today were some new banners for the up-coming Avengers movie, a movie we here in DOOM Towers are all excited to see. What I’m not excited to see though is lame T & A (which, for those of you unaware of that phrase, is boobies and bum-bum).

I’ve gone on rants before about bad movie posters and one of the worst offences modern movies can make is bad photoshopping. It’s common already and needs to stop, we’re far too used to seeing fake images online to be incapable of telling the difference. This has that with Captain America looking like a cartoon and such. But I guess I can live with that in this case because this is meant more as a teaser than a full blown advertisement.

However, the picture containing Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow has no excuses in my mind. Not only is she the only character with her back to camera (to show off her… well we can all see it) furthermore her head has been badly photoshopped so that it fits along with her butt into the picture. That’s right folks, who needs a neck when you’ve got a booty?

It’s sad, it’s blatant and it’s something I seriously thought the Marvel Movie production team were above. Alas, I was wrong. Apparently it’s still the 1990s.

Am I making a mountain over a curved, firm molehill? You be the judge. But personally I thought we had moved beyond this sort of pandering in this day and age.

(Click here to see larger version)

(Click here to see larger version)

With thanks to ComicsAlliance for the heads up of the images.