Man, it feels like an ice age since I last covered this show… So much so that I actually needed that recap to remind me where we were with the current arc. Hell, I even forgot who Vijay Nadeer was until I looked it up after the show finished.

But yeah! It’s a brand new world where HYDRA rules and Inhumans are persona non gratis and all the character we know and love are assholes! Yaaaaay! The episode title What If… comes from a series of Marvel books that explore alternate Earths where the stories you know didn’t turn out like the should, hence we have this alternate Earth where HYDRA revealed itself early and became the world’s security task force. Should make for some interesting scenarios!

Did I say interesting? I meant awkward as fuck! Brett Dalton returns as Grant Ward and I hate his stupid, handsome face already because in a total reverse of the real world, this Ward is the GOOD GUY! Still, at least Daisy’s awkward love life isn’t as bad as Jemma being buried alive! Tough break, Simmons.

Hell, Simmons probably gets it the worst this episode. She has to dig herself out of her own grave, is on the run from HYDRA, fails at persuading Coulson he’s in a simulation and, while not currently aware of it, lost Fitz to Madame Hydra aka AIDA! The girl just can’t catch a break.

While we don’t see everyone, we do get the majority and some interesting lore about this world, like the Cambridge Incident, where the Inhuman girl May saved killed a bunch of people and lead to the rise of HYDRA. I wonder what this Alt-Earth’s version of the Avengers is like…

We end the episode with Daisy confronting Coulson and breaking through the programming enough that Coulson knows her name. That’s a good start to a really interesting plot line and we’ll be seeing more next time when we analyze Identity and Change.

(Quick note to Flash Facts readers; the review for Abra Kadabra will be up later this week, don’t worry!)

Welcome back to S.H.I.E.L.D. Exposed, agents! It’s been a long time. Too long, for my tastes. So what’s happened the new status quo for our team?

In short; shit’s fucked. The (yet unseen) new Director seems like a bureaucratic douche-nozzle; separating the team, initiating a colour-coded security hierarchy and wrapping SHIELD in a mountain of red-tape. Not that Daisy is fairing any better as a fugitive but soon the two camps are on a collision course due a new, flame-headed player.

I’m glad to see the gang again but even less so that they’re not working together as a tight-knit unit. Mack and Coulson are field agents while Fitz and May lead their own departments while Simmons has become part of the Director’s inner circle in a sly effort to maintain control.

Fitz has maintained his friendship with inventor Holden Radcliffe, who decides now is the best time to unveil his first Life Model Decoy, AIDA. Mallory Jansen does a pretty good job of making a benign robot be utterly sinister. Or maybe I’m projecting because she’s going to go rogue, right? She has to. It’s like Chekov’s Sexbot or something.

During the course of the episode, a deal between the Aryan Brotherhood and the Korean mob goes south (who’da thunk?) and something is unleashed. Well… Someone. Not named in the episode, this spectral being known as Lucy seems to have the ability to warp people’s perceptions and drive them mad. Is she powered, Inhuman or maybe even a g-g-g-ghost!? Given the supernatural leaning this season, it’s safe to say this is one of the mystic Marvel characters but I have no idea who that could be off the top of my head.

But, of course, this is all an appetiser for the main course. Flame-broiled and spicy hot, the latino Robbie Reyes (played by Gabriel Luna) makes on hell of an impression in his first appearance. I really dug the car-flipping call back to the comics in the cold open and Luna’s performance is… interesting. I know Reyes’ deal but I’m wondering how much of that is being played with here or if his bipolar performance is just bad acting. I hope it’s the former. We also get a peak at another important plot point for Reyes; namely his brother, Gabe.

The skull CGI is much more impressive than I thought it would be and actually looks like a decent mix between Reyes’ silver noggin and the bone skulls of previous Riders. It also emotes! That’s pretty cool.

SHIELD’s return is an explosive, fuel-injected, enjoyable ride and sets up tons of new plot lines for the rest of the season. Next time we’ll be getting even more as we finally get to Meet the New Boss.

It’s been a while, huh? We had another season of Agent Carter in the meantime and that was… something. I’ll be honest, I gave up on it. But SHIELD’s back so let’s get into it!

Right out of the gate, the show pulls the same shit that Arrow’s doing with a teasing flashforward to the seeming death of someone we know. More interesting to me is the fact that a Quinjet can make it into orbit. No speculation right now because it’s obvious who they want you to think it is.

Back with the team, the Secret Warriors are on the case as Daisy and Joey go to liaise with the Federales while Mack gets his ass kidnapped by a tiny lady. Joey’s still kinda bland but it’s good to see his evolution as an agent.

In Camp FitzSimmons, things are pretty awkward since Fitz killed the meat puppet that used to be Will but Simmons finally can’t take it anymore and demands they start over and see where it goes. Yaaaaay… Square One. Haven’t seen you in a while.

Introduced this week is Elena “Yo-Yo” Rodrigues aka the comic book hero Slingshot. I instantly love her. She’s bubbly and feisty and her power set is cool and Mack likes her and fuck, why isn’t she on the cast permanently? I can’t wait to see her again!

Ward, or what used to be Ward, spends the better part of the episode in a bathrobe, eating meat and watching TV. Our villain, ladies and gentlemen! He’s supposed to be called Hive now and we get a sense of why as a swarm of skin cells leaves his hand to presumably infect Malick’s Inhuman henchman.

Overall, a cool return for the show and I hope it keeps up the momentum going forward as next week we see the return of General Talbot and the revelation of a traitor in The Inside Man.

Damn, that was an intense episode. The pace was almost unrelenting as we charged through Many Heads, One Tale. The episode is thick with drama, intrigue, emotion and they even found time for a few gags.

Man, I’m so glad Rosalind isn’t HYDRA. Her and Coulson are pretty fun to watch and I’d hate for it to go away so soon after getting it.

The secret origin of HYDRA is a tad convoluted for my tastes (seriously, who gets an octopus from a ram’s head?) but Grant Ward made up for it by being the most charming killer on screen, as usual. Seriously, that handsome bastard needs to die, especially after what he said to Andrew. Dick move, Ward! Dick move.

I always wondered why there were noticeable chunks missing out of the monolith and they finally explain it. Some mad cunt brave soul carved out portions which were kept by HYDRA. There’s what… six or seven of things? Enough to make a portal I’d wager!

There’s a great sense of the team acting as one in this episode, mainly because everyone is in on the plan to infiltrate the ATCU but it’s Hunter and Bobbi who get the lion’s share of the spy fun. Bobbi’s new escrima are pretty dope, obviously inspired my Thor and Mjolnir. Bobbi can certainly need the edge going up against a new Inhuman foe.

Giyera is one of the ATCU agents turned into an Inhuman and appears to have some sort of magnetic ability/telekinesis. I don’t think he speaks at all, which is weird. Apparently he’s going to be the new head of SHIELD security, according to news articles so I wonder how that’ll go. Gotta give big-ups to Mark Dacascos though. Some might know him from the likes of Mortal Kombat and The Crow but to me, he’s best known for starring in the 2009 adaptation of Kamen Rider Ryuki; Kamen Rider Dragon Knight!

FINALLY! Three damn seasons we’ve waited and oh boy was it emotionally devastating! FitzSimmons finally have it out, both admitting that neither of them are happy with this situation for a whole slew of reasons but in a fit of anger and love, Fitz finally does what he’s wanted to do since Simmons came back. It’s the most powerful scene the show has had in a while but god damn it was worth it. It’s powerful and you really feel for these poor kids, trapped in an impossible situation.

Many Heads, One Tale is the winner out of SHIELD and Flash this week. Not by much but enough to make the winner clear. This episode just had so much pay-off while still building interest for the rest of the season. Be sure to come back next week for Closure.

So here we are, ladies and gents! The Season 2 Finale for Agents of SHIELD, or S.O.S parts 1&2. I was honestly wondering if they could keep me entertained for the full runtime but god damn if the creative team didn’t craft an intense and engaging 80 minute feature.

Jiaying’s plan is to cause war between the Inhumans and SHIELD and she succeeds, using the staged attack as a catalyst to take the SHIELD carrier and lure every other SHIELD agent there to kill or convert them to Inhumans. It really says something for this show that the roles between Jiaying and Cal have been swapped. Both in terms of their standing as good guy/bad guy in the show but also in terms of the typical gender roles that this story would represent. Jiaying has been broken for a long time, the scars on her face a superficial crack in the porcelin to show that she’s more damaged than she appears. Her actions are also well in line with the new Marvel mandate of Inhumans being the new Mutants, with Jiaying playing the Magneto perfectly. Plus she’s basically got the powers of Morbius The Living Vampire so that makes her SUPER evil!

Speaking of Cal, we finally get his Hyde transformation and while it’s subdued (he’s nowhere near the Hulk-ing monstrosity I’m used to seeing) he’s definitely a more twisted, hunched monster form than his regular self. Kyle MacLachlan brings his bestest A-Game in this two-parter and firmly cements himself as both a cool character and a fantastic actor in my mind. I’d already liked his performance for most of the season but he just delivers an immensely fun performance here, even when trying to be a monster.

HAHAHAHAAAAAA! Fuck you, Grant Ward! Fuck you and any redemption/happiness the Tumblr fan girls think you’re worth. The grooming sumbitch finally gets his comeuppance, both in the form of an ass beating from Bobbi and killing his new girlfriend because she looked like May. Whoopsie! Still Brett Dalton continues to be super charismatic, despite being a total psychopath. We’ll see what the future holds for him as a new head of HYDRA.

Skye faces off against her mother (after having a VERY impressive fight with Alisha, a super hot redheaded Inhuman who can clone herself) and Cal comes in to save them both, in a way. To save Skye from having to kill (or be killed by) her mother and to save the woman he loves from her own path to vengeance. Coulson, Mack and Fitz stop Gordon from releasing Terrigen mist all over the ship, only for Coulson to lose a hand in the process. Who’d have thought SHIELD would mutilate it’s lead better than The Walking Dead could. Some serious balls shown here!

In the aftermath, lots of things happen including but not limited to; Cal going through the Tahiti procedure and given a new life as a vet, Bobbi considering quitting the team, May actually leaving and Skye being given the opportunity to build her own team of metas under the codename “Caterpillars”. Fun fact: Caterpillars is the codename for the Secret Warriors, a team that Nick Fury created in secret which included Daisy Johnson/Skye. Should be interesting to see what Coulson’s efforts and her leadership will build.

In the stinger, we even get a little FitzSimmons resolution and even the promise of a blossoming relationship, something that fans have been wanting since the beginn–

WELL THAT WAS PANTS-SHITTINGLY TERRIFYING

Season 2 comes to a close in a genuine shocking manner and establishes a lot of threads that Season 3 can run with. It’s been a pretty damn good season and it’s been a pleasure to watch and thank you all for coming back, week-to-week, to see me ramble on about this show. I hope to see you again soon for more S.H.I.E.L.D. Exposed!

Before we get into the episode review proper, can we talk about the new Marvel logo? Isn’t it spiffy? I wonder if it’s on the new Thor movie too (I know, I haven’t seen it, I’m a terrible fan)

The Hub focuses around, strangely enough, a facility called The Hub. This is just one of many SHIELD facilities around the world and I do love that they name drop the Triskelion, the Ultimate universe’s base of operations for SHIELD (and the continuity the movies are loosely based on). The team arrives and is greeted by a returning Agent Sitwell (Thor, The Avengers, Item 47) and intrdocued to Agent Victoria Hand.

Anyone familiar with comics are instantly distrustful of the red-haired temptress and while she does exhibit some shady motives but she does appear to be on the side of good, trusting Coulson to get Fitz and Ward extracted from their suicide mission before SHIELD destroys the “Overkill Device”. Hand is played by Saffron Burrows and after browsing her IMDB, the only thing I’ve seen that she’s in is Deep Blue Sea, but she’s a solid actress in this episode and I’m always for proper Marvel characters showing up.

Apparently, the rather generically named Overkill weapon is something from the Marvel Universe, having the alternate title of “Overkill Horn”. Yeah, that’s not much better. Fitz and Ward are sent in to disable the device before it’s due to be activated. This episode is big on the character building as Fitz tries desperately to prove himself to be every bit the agent that Ward is, despite Ward assuring him that he is, using the events of FZZT to back that up. The girls, meanwhile, are kept in the dark about the operation and Skye is intent of finding out the truth, enlisting a rather sheepish Simmons into her “bad girl shenanigans”. They manage to get the information (after Simmons uses the knockout gun on Agent Sitwell) and Coulson finds out. He’s naturally pissed but Skye assures him that she did it for the good of the team and asks if he knew. He fobs her off but it’s clear that he didn’t. The team heads off to fetch Fitz and Ward and all’s well that’s end well with the mainplot, let’s get on with…

COULSON WATCH! Victoria Hand has a coupleof knowing comments that slightly throw Coulson off his catchphrase but the crux of the subplot comes into play with the redacted files from Girl in the Flower Dress and Skye’s origins. Coulson had promised to look into the file while they were at the Hub and he came through, revealing that the woman who dropped Skye of at the orphanage was indeed a SHIELD agent. Skye hugs Coulson for finding out what little he did but as he talks with Melinda later in his office, it’s revealed that the SHIELD agent was murdered? Possibly! To find out more, Coulson uses his Level 8 status to get the death/recovery report on a SHIELD agent, but mostly the recovery… in Tahiti! He’s denied access and is visibly worried by this.

Not a bad episode but its mostly character building with little bits of mystery to keep us coming back next week as we deal with the aftermath of Thor: The Dark World in The Well.