Well… we seem to have gotten through the bumpy ride through the first four movies. Now we journey into much smoother and more consistent territory. While Years 1-4 had three different directors attached to them, the last four films were all directed by the same man: a Mr. David Yates. While the third film may be my favorite for stylistic and nostalgic reasons, this entire era of Potter films is my favorite. Let’s get right into it!

WARNING: AFTER THIS POINT THERE BE SPOILERS. IF YOU DIDN’T HEED IT LAST TIME, YOU PROBABLY WON’T THIS TIME, WHICH IS WHY I WILL CONTINUE TO HIGHLIGHT ANY SPOILERS IN BOLD, PREVENTING YOU FROM SKIPPING OVER THEM. SO DON’T COME CRYING TO ME THAT I SPOILED THE VARIOUS DEATHS IN DEATHLY HALLOWS FOR YOU, LIKE DOBBY, HEDWIG, OR ONE HALF OF THE WEASLEY TWINS. OH, AND HARRY DIES TOO. THERE. I SAID IT.

5. Order of the Phoenix

I have to admit that after Goblet of Fire, I was disappointed and was starting to lose hope that the rest of the movies would be any good. The movie was released 10 days before the final book was released, ensuring that any foreshadowing details they wanted to include in the movies after this point, they can include knowingly.

Having accepted my dwindling hopes for the last Potter movies, I saw Order of the Phoenix the day it opened anyway. As I watched the film, I noticed a definite change in this one from the last: it felt like a complete movie, not just a laundry list of plot points the filmmaker had to get through. Everything, from Luna to the Thestrals, to Dumbledore’s Army and beyond had a well-balanced place in the movie as well as the rest of the series. And the best part is the focus of Delores Umbridge as the villain.

Voldemort is almost second fiddle to Umbridge’s villainy in this movie. Almost. Like I said, Yates balances it very nicely. That pic to the left is her first introduction to the film as a minor character; a juror in Harry’s trial. Through the movie, she acts as the physical embodiment of the Ministry of Magic’s attempts to quell fears of Voldemort’s return, which they do in an overzealous fashion. Over the course of the film, she twists it into to a dictatorship over Hogwarts. She is not merely annoying, she is an evil roadblock in the way of Harry’s triumph over Voldemort. Now, the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher plays a major part in every film (or at least the end of every film), but nothing to this level. Yates makes you HATE her. She does a little of that herself in daring to have her office look like this:

That is just too much pink shit.

It would be one thing if she were merely evil, but her smugness and unbearable outward facade of pseudo-kindly ladyness and the fact that everyone can see through her lies makes her that much worse.

"Excuse me, Delores, but would you kindly GET THE FUCK OFF MY PODIUM?"

But the image that makes the film for me is the slow buildup of the framed rules the she has Filtch nail up.

Each rule gets more and more authoritarian until it reaches the point where she busts up Dumbledore’s Army using Malfoy and his hired cronies. THIS is when the Weasley twins decide they’ve had enough and create one of the most awesome and satisfying moments in the entire series.

"You know George, I’ve always felt our futures lay outside the world of acedemic achievement."

Even though they don’t vanquish Umbridge, they do give her some retribution by generally fucking her business up before fleeing the castle. They disrupt the O.W.L exams that she’s overseeing, flinging everyone’s tests in the air and doing this:

"Haha, YES!"

Afterwards, they literally and figuratively break the wall of rules in what is the singlemost satisfying moment of any of the films up to this point.

Filmically speaking, while this moment has no bearing on the immediate larger scale of events, the Weasley Twins effectively take her down a notch or two, kicking off her downfall from power. It was this moment that sealed Phoenix for me as one of the best of the series, giving hope once more to the future of the Potter movies.

The filmic depiction of the Room of Requirement took some time to grow on me, but it works. It’s more of a training room than a lounge. The film’s Room of Requirement means serious business.

The handling of Dumbledore’s Army is well done, too. It’s a montage that mixes with a time lapse of the passing school year. Neville’s transformation into a badass becomes more evident in this film with his progress in DA, and in his determination to avenge his parents.

"These newspaper clippings inspire me, Harry."

And I can’t leave this movie without talking about the genius casting of Luna Lovegood. She has the perfect one-minute introduction where Hermione introduces her by saying “Everone, this is Looney—– … Luna Lovegood” She’s also quite at ease reading her copy of The Quibbler upside down.

"It’s the Nargles."

The movie trades in the slow realization that she may not be as crazy as she seems for a quicker one, but it’s understandable for all the film has to juggle.

Last thing to address is the departure of Gary Oldman from the series. He features more heavily in this film in preparation for his untimely death. Oldman, we shall miss you. I’m sure you’ll appear somewhere in Deathly Hallows as a flashback or ghost. At least I hope you will.

We’ll meet again.

One last thing.

Let’s take a look at Young Snape, shall we?

"O hai Harry, nice to see you!"

(Alt captions: “I did not hex her, that’s bullshit!” and “You’re tearing me apart, Lily!!”)

6. Half-Blood Prince

Half-Blood Prince is like the last one in that it’s very smooth considering the amount of material that needs covering. Despite the fact that Voldemort makes his first appearance and claims his first life in Goblet of Fire, I still consider Half Blood Prince the point at which shit gets really real. Here’s a series of images to back this up:

One of these images is a spoiler. See if you can guess which one.

This installment is the literal dismantling of the Harry Potter universe as we know. One thing this movie has that I like, because we haven’t had it in two movies.. Quidditch!

Of course, this is a last hurrah if you know what’s in store for the last movie(s). But it shows Harry as the captain of the Quidditch team, with Ron trying out for Keeper, which almost more than makes up for the torturous lack of Quidditch for the previous couple films.

Sadly, this happens in the final film:

OH GOD WHY

Another thing I will mention is that Michael Gambon’s portrayal of Dumbledore has finally settled down to where it needs to be. His performance was closer in the previous film, but here it’s spot on. He’s a bit less constipated and more kindly. This single frame sums it up:

It’s the eyes.

He’s kindlier, also more mischievous it seems. Earlier in the movie Harry is trying to pick up a waitress, only to be called away by Dumbledore for some tasks. A little later, Dumbledore says this:

He totally did.

As has been built up by previous movies, the Weasley twins finally open their joke shop; the inevitable conclusion to their goofiness.

I WANT TO SHOP HERE.

Also going strong is Luna, who rescues Harry from having to fly back to Hogwarts after Malfoy’s shenanigans.

The big acting challenge in this movie, however, is for Tom Felton as Malfoy. Up until now, he’s been a fairly two-dimensional character. But then the pressure builds on him when Voldemort himself counts on Malfoy to do something unspeakable; murder his headmaster. I think Tom rose to the challenge in a surprising way.

Here’s him at the beginning:

Middle:

And End, when he’s faced with having to do the deed:

Good work, Tom.

Worth mentioning is how in the HELL did David Yates manage to mix all this mounting dark tension with kooky (but heartfelt) love stories? One scene has Ron hilariously being led to Professor Slughorn’s office  high on love potion, which seamlessly changes tone to him almost dying. By the way, that scene leads to this one:

Awwww….

This movie also marks the first time Harry (and by proxy the audience) gets to experience apparation. This is portrayed in a cinematically interesting way, having the characters twist and morph around wildly in mashed-up time-space.

"I’m trippiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg!!!!!"

Last thing.. this:

Go, Harry, go!

(And I know I left Snape out of this one, even though he was marvelous. He will be discussed at length for the finale, trust me.)

THE REST OF WHAT FOLLOWS IS BASICALLY 100% SPOILERS. THE EXTRA SPOILERY BITS WILL BE BOLDED AND UNDERLINED.

7. Deathly Hallows Part I

First off, I have to say that by this point in the film series, absolutely EVERYBODY’s acting performance is at peak. It’s like the actors were all waiting patiently to make this film, and the enthusiasm shows.

Slight nitpick, one of few in this movie. The wrap-up for the Dursleys was very brief and anticlimactic. They didn’t get the satisfying closure that the book had. The moment leading to that closure is in Order of the Phoenix, when Harry saves Dudley’s ass from the Dementors.

This scene.

For those who aren’t familiar with the books, the full scene with the Dursleys involves Dudley showing some appreciation and even a little fondness for Harry for saving his life two years ago. A revelation that Harry finds surprising and endearing. I understand the director wanted to get into the action pretty quickly, but I felt robbed of this moment between Harry and his cousin.

Thankfully however, the scene was shot, it is brilliantly done, and it is included on the DVD/Blu Ray (and a few places on YouTube).

“I don’t think you’re a waste of space.”

In the short run it’s an understandable cut, because it made way for an even more emotional scene; the one where Hermione is forced to erase her parents’ memories of any trace of her existence for their protection.

Immediately after, we’re treated to a barrage of Harries via Polyjuice Potion.

There’s something unsettling about this.

And the following chase scene is significant in that it contains the on- and off-screen deaths of two major characters. Hedwig and Mad Eye.

"I’ll save yo-OH GOD THE PAIN."

The Wedding of Bill and Fleur is nicely played; the ceremony serves to calmly introduce some plot points before the real chaos happens, including the introduction of Luna’s father and the first reference of the Deathly Hallows.

"Come on, Harry doesn’t want to talk to us. He’s just too polite to say so."

Then this happens and all hell breaks loose:

"…also, the minister is dead."

There are a few epic scenes and great individual moments that happen after this point. First is the ministry break-in, nicely played by three adult actors in the roles of the teenagers. Of course their voices stay the same as Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s, a nice touch to remind you which is which. Even better, Harry gets to stick it to Delores Umbridge one last time. When they aparate out of the Ministry, it leads to the weirdest chase scene in movie history.

"Ohh FUUUUUUUUUUUUU—"

Rupert Grint has quite the acting challenge in this movie; the Horcrux necklace they must carry turns him into a jealous Gollum.

“Hey, Harry… back away from my preciousssssssssss.”

After Ron splits from, rejoins the group, and helps Harry find the Sword of Gryphindor, he has to confront the Horcrux, which produces the creepiest nude makeout scene in any movie:

If you even try to fap to this, there’s something very wrong with you.

Lastly is the Deathly Hallows animated sequence. I think this is brilliantly done and it is the artistic centerpiece of the film. It is very stylized and fits well within both the movie and the Harry Potter lexicon.

One thing that has been mentioned to me is that the collective movie (Deathly Hallows) doesn’t go out of it’s way to point out that Harry is in possession of all three Deathly Hallows and is therefore Master of Death towards the end.I don’t think this is necessarily a fault because of the “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me” principle at the heart of filmmaking. This fact only reveals itself to those who are paying close attention, and that, I think, is the reward you get for doing so. For instance, even though Harry’s invisibility cloak isn’t anywhere in the movie, the animation drops hints that death’s invisibility cloak is indeed the same one Harry owns by highlighting the familiar texture.

The end before the end of Part I is the death of Dobby the Elf, which is given great reverence, and the scene carries the emotional impact needed for it. My only pet peeve about this is the movie packaging. Even though Dobby is in less than 5% of the film, he gets the only starring spot on the back cover, which is pretty much a giveaway for people who haven’t seen it (or read the books).

8. Deathly Hallows Part II

Want to start off this last part by saying that every moment in Part II was a blast. I had the exact feeling I got from reading the book beginning to end. Some of the multitude of deaths are minimized for time, but the ones who count are given their due screen time. The only one that I feel could’ve been given more screen time is Fred Weasley, who is only being mourned in the background of a shot.

Part II opens with a sort of “Previously On…” where we revisit Voldemort stealing the Elder Wand from Dumbledore’s grave and gleefully using it to make evil lightning.

"Ha HA! Evil!"

Afterwards, it’s not long before the movie gets into the scene I had been waiting for since the end of part I: breaking into Gringott’s. The scene lived up to every one of my expectations in that it was EPIC. It also involved Helena Bonham Carter as Hermione as Bellatrix, which was a bonus.

Pictured: EPICNESS

The majority of the film is dedicated to Harry’s subsequent heroic return to and the battle of Hogwarts. Just as Snape is informing the students of the punishment involved in harboring Harry Potter, Harry pops out and schools him, effectively staging a coup to Snape’s regime with the help of a pissed off McGonagle.

"GTFO"

A battle ensues; the Death Eaters versus an army of stone statues and Neville Fucking Longbottom. Neville is awesome from the first frame he appears until his last. Here’s a screenshot of his awesomeness:

“GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING CASTLE!”

There’s also Mrs. Weasley calling Bellatrix a Bitch, and subsequently killing the shit out of her.

“Who else wants some?!?!”

Then there’s Snape’s death. Rickman’s final curtain is brief, but well played and very sad, no matter what side you previously thought he was on.

“You have your mother’s eyes..”

The following sequence in the pensieve explaining Snape’s allegiances and actions throughout the story is heartwrenching. It almost makes you dislike Harry’s dad for taking Lily away from him. And it nicely explains Snape’s contempt for what Harry represented: something that could have been.

The scene after Harry’s death at the hands of Voldemort is a good one, but the image of the dying Horcrux within Harry is…. creepy to say the least.

"GAAHH!"

BUT I have to say I was pleased that I was right in Gary Oldman’s reappearance as a ghost!

I told you so! (Image via wolflamingo.tumblr.com)

The final battle between Harry and Voldemort after Harry is resurrected (with the previously hidden Resurection Stone given to him by Dumbledore) is peppered with a little more badass by Neville, followed by an ass whooping from Harry, who defeats Voldemort with simple wand logic. An ending that is actually more satisfying than it sounds.

Afterwards, Harry boldly does this to the wand that once belonged to his headmaster.

“Sorry, I can’t own a wand that switches sides every time it’s pawned.”

The years-later epilogue was nicely done, using the same three actors for their adult versions. This takes a few seconds to get used to, but it works. Also, you find out Harry named one of his kids after Snape, which is a nice gesture for a guy who basically hated him throughout the series.

All in all, it was a bumpy ride, but I’m happy with how the movies turned out, despite some notable subtractions and alterations here and there. I thought the seventh movie split was a little contrived when I first heard about it, but the director made it work out nicely, and I frankly can’t see how they could’ve fit all of it into one film. Major props to David Yates for filling out the last half of the Harry Potter film universe in an awesome way.

Thanks for reading my long Potter fan letter. Viva la Potter!

So when I heard the next year there were going to be movies, I rolled my eyes and thought “How could a movie series possibly be of any worth compared to the greatness of the books?” Looking back now 11 years, 8 movies, 4 more books, and a film degree later, OF COURSE they were going to make a movie franchise. How could they not? It’s a guaranteed box office goldmine! If I had the same taste in movies then as I did now, I would have been a little uneasy in hearing that Chris “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York” Columbus would be directing the first movie. With hindsight, I realize that was okay for the first couple movies, because they would have needed to be flat-out kids movies. The characters are 11, after all. Why not have the director of The Goonies direct the first couple Harry Potters? Any more after that would’ve been a mistake though, as the books, along with the characters, grew up and matured.

Unfortunately, the result of having four different directors over the course of 8 movie releases means they’re a little uneven. In my estimation, they range from brilliant to just okay. One holds a sore mark for me, but I’ll get to all that eventually. Before I see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Deux, I decided I’d better sit down and watch all the movies, one by one. I’m releasing this article in two parts (appropriately), so by the time I have the second part written I will have seen the last movie in its entirety. In the second part of this article, I’ll give HP7Pt2 an appraisal based on all that has come before. Ready? Here we go!

WARNING!! AFTER THIS POINT THERE BE SPOILERS! WHY ARE YOU READING A RETROSPECTIVE IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE MATERIAL?! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE BUT IS ALSO A GOOD GUY, HARRY GETS SUPER EMO IN BOOK 5, LUPIN IS A WEREWOLF, AND HARRY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH CHO GOES NOWHERE. OH, AND HARRY GETS KIDNAPPED BY TIME-TRAVELING NAZIS FOR THE FINALE. OKAY, THAT PART DOESN’T REALLY HAPPEN, BUT YOU GET THE POINT! IN FACT, TO ENSURE YOU CAN’T SIMPLY SKIP OVER THEM, ALL FURTHER SPOILERS SHALL APPEAR IN BOLD.

1. Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone

The first Harry Potter film is a very decent almost note-for-note adaptation of the book. There are a few key differences, but I’m going to try not to compare the movies to the novel series too much. This article is about the movies, not the books.

First, I have to address it: Daniel Radcliffe acting in this movie leaves something to be desired. Having said that, he does get way better even from the first movie to the second. But in the meanwhile you kind of have to suffer through it for the first film. For example, here’s a shot of Harry’s reaction to seeing his beloved owl Hedwig for the first time:

"I'm overwhelmed with excitement."

Ron and Hermione also have that “first time kid actor” aura, but it’s a little less grinding on the nerves than Harry’s acting. They, too, get better from the first movie to the second. Ron’s acting transformation is especially worth noting, but more on that in the second film. Hermione is perfect from the get-go. Her acting in each film nicely reflects the age of her character. She’s a perfect know-it-all in this film.

One of many times she raises her hand in the series. And not just to punch Malfoy’s bitch ass in the third movie.

I can’t help but pick on the CG effects for this early ‘00’s film. I know, it was 10 years ago, and most CG from then looks laughable now that we live the age of Avatar. But still… I think the CG in the first Harry Potter is kind of crap. Here’s the troll:

And Voldemort:

Wait… did his nose get chopped off at some point? Is that what happened?

The lag in effects becomes especially apparent during the Quidditch match, when they try to have CG humans fly the broomsticks in place of the actors. The technology to successfully have CG stunt doubles wouldn’t mature until around 2006 or so, so I guess I can’t get on them too much about that.

A couple of leftover notes before I move on to the next film. Firstly, this film was released a year after Goblet of Fire came out, so there had to be a few things the filmmakers didn’t know was going to happen. I caught this the first time I saw it, but I could be misreading it. Tell me, are Harry and Hermione exchanging looks in this scene?

Is it just me?

Lastly, who’s job was it to put contact lenses on this cat? Because I feel so sorry for him.

Carl the Catwrangler: 1978-2001

(Also, I soo want life-size Wizard’s chess to be a real sport. The closest we have to that reality is Chess Boxing.)

2. Chamber of Secrets

Chamber of DOOM Secrets is a nice shade darker than it’s predecessor. I take it back when I said Chris Columbus would’ve been a mistake if he had continued to direct the films after the second. Kudos, sir. The acting from all three leads is loads better. Daniel Radcliff had to have gotten some useful pointers between films, because previously awkward expressions and reactions are smoothed out, and now play to get comedic timing. Speaking of which, this is when Rupert Grint started to show his great comedic acting chops. Every time I see this face:

I can’t help but bust out laughing. There’s also this:

It’s probably mostly the makeup, but you can’t prove he couldn’t turn that color on demand if he wanted to.

Emma Watson’s acting as Hermione is a subtle change, but it’s there. She blends with the group dynamic nicely. Another notable joining the cast is Shirley Henderson as Moaning Myrtle.  

She plays it over-the-top, but not too much so. Just the right balance of funny and melodramatic teenager. It’s just a shame she only appears in two movies. I wouldn’t mind her just showing up at random, like Nearly Headless Nick. Alan Rickman as Snape gets to shine a little more in this film than the last. In Stone, all he really did was show up and be foreboding, and only got one scene to himself. A great example of this is the Wizard Dueling scene.

At first he’s all..

Then he's like BOOM!

We’re also introduced to a younger Lord Voldemort in the form of Christian Coulson as Tom Riddle. He looks a lot like Ralph Fiennes, who as this point wasn’t attached to the series as far as we knew, so kudos to the casting people for that. He is very handsome in comparison to his final appearance.

Until of course this happens:

Ohhh, so THAT’S what happened to his nose!

Finally, this movie marks the last appearance of Richard Harris as Dumbledore, who sadly passed away before the making of the third movie. I have a special fondness for his version of Dumbledore, so much so that I initially didn’t like Michael Gambon’s portrayal, but more on that later. I think if he had continued to play Dumbledore, his later badass would’ve surprised us because of his initial kindly manner. And he probably would’ve taken his death like a boss in the sixth movie. But we can only speculate what that would’ve been like.

"Come at me, bro."

RIP, Mr. Harris.

The only thing I have to say about the special effects in this movie is: better. Muuuuch better.

One thing I’ve caught watching these movies this time around are the foreshadows of things to come. Not entirely sure if they’re mostly intentional or not, but they are interesting. For instance, when Ginny defends Harry from Malfoy in the book shop, Malfoy says: “Looks like you’ve got yourself a girlfriend.” Again, this is only two years after the fourth book has come out, when Harry’s love interest is Cho Chang, and there is no real inkling that Harry and Ginny end up together. Another possible foreshadow to the next movie is this shot:

But that’s probably a loose interpretation on my part.

This is also the final Potter film for Chris Columbus. Chris: you weren’t so bad after all.

That'll do, Chris. That'll do.

One thing before we move on.. Scabbers the Rat has his second obligatory appearance in the series, after having a coulple of brief scenes in the first movie. In this one, it’s one shot and name mention, just to remind you that a) Ron has a rat and b) his name is Scabbers.

"Hiya."

3. Prisoner of Azkaban

This. This is one of my favorite books, which became my favorite movie. Very nicely done. Sadly, it’s the only film in the series directed by the great Alfonso Cuarón, who directed Y tu mamá también (the film that landed him Harry Potter) and Children of Men. Alfonso’s approach is very stylized, something that the later films try to carry on somewhat.  You can pick out the style in individual shots and scenes, like the two mirror shots that serve as a wrap-around for the Boggart scene.

Showing of a bit? Yes. Super awesome? Also yes.

The special effects for the series get their foothold in this installment. The Dementors’ depiction is especially frightening. You really believe they could make Harry pass out.

Chills.

I don’t think I’ll comment on the acting from here on out in this article, seeing as everyone is in their element and firmly in their place on that front. Notable casting, however, is another matter. This movie has Gary Motherfucking Oldman. It was my first introduction to him, and from then on I believed he could play any role and get away with it. Even though Sirius’s Death two books later is really sad, the fact that Gary Oldman only gets two more movies is even sadder to me. Especially since he has to hide for the majority of it. Here’s a pic of Gary as Sirius Black so I can move on, or else I’d be tempted to fill the rest of this space talking about him.

Pictured: Complete Badass

Two other casting tidbits before we move on: Emma Thompson as Professor Trelawney is a nice addition to the cast. Slightly unrelated is how the actor and character of Neville Longbottom is progressing nicely, especially since his evolution is important to his shining moment in Deathly Hallows Part II.

Actually those two points are related. Just killed two birds with one stone in the screencap department.

The Weasley Twins gain some more screen time and notoriety in this film (as they should). For one, their fledgling candy making business gets underway in a nice playful moment in the Gryffindor dorms at the beginning, and they get to introduce the Marauder’s Map.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

This depiction of the map is so iconic and cool that ThinkGeek sells a life-size copy of it for $35.

One thing this movie warps a bit from the other films is the way the Hogwarts grounds look. For example, here’s Hagrid’s hut in juxtaposition to the grounds in the first film:

And here it is in the third film:

I'm pretty sure that back section of Hagrid's hut wasn't there before, either.

Quite a bit more distance and dimension. Also great is how Cuarón uses the grounds to effectively depict the passage of time, most often with the Whomping Willow.

Nice.

The part I was really looking forward to in this movie was the time travel scene, and it did not disappoint. It’s a great beat-for-beat mimicking of the scene in the book, with some directorial flare added for fun. It’s what completes this movie for me; very satisfying. The Time Turner sequence in Madam Pomfrey’s sick ward yields fun shots like this:

Couple of wrap-up points for this film: first, Scabbers the Rat is redesigned to look like Timothy Spall (who is also a great casting choice, as he does look very much like a rat.)

Just add another rat and a full moon and you have a t-shirt.

And lastly, the kick-ass Marauder’s Map-inspired credit sequence.

4. Goblet of Fire

I’ll start off by saying my memory tricked me into thinking Robert Pattinson was in every movie leading up this, and I’m kind of disappointed to learn he wasn’t. Stupid vampire roles notwithstanding, that would’ve been cool.

Okay, now let me lead you through this, because this is my biggest nitpick with the entire film series. Movie opens with a weak Lord Voldemort speaking to Pettigrew and some other guy, and they kill the caretaker. Strong start for the upped PG-13 rating. Then Harry wakes up in the Weasley home, skipping the whole Dursley business. Okay, good. Good cut. Then they immediately take a portkey to some campgrounds and see this magnificent shot, accompanied by Mr. Weasley saying “Well kids.. Welcome to the Quidditch World Cup!”

"Welcome, kids! You're in for some awesome shit today!!"

They quickly show us the Weasley’s T.A.R.D.I.S. tent, then we’re presented with this:

"Aww yeah, here it comes!"

The Weasleys climb to their nosebleed seats, and are treated to the magical fireworks and fanfare of the Irish and Bulgarian players as they fly onto the stadium, brooms blazing. They show off their broom skills as Krum, one of the key players in the story, is introduced as a world famous Quidditch player. They even make a point to highlight what he looks like so you’ll remember him later.

They make a big deal of this, and even show you, the movie audience, a closeup of his real face superimposed on his large magical screen face. Then the Minister of Magic introduces the game. Huh, I guess all the other players are chopped liver. Okay, moving on… the Minister of Magic welcomes everyone to the 422^nd Quidditch World Cup.

That scoreboard back there is practically begging for an epic game to start.

He takes out his wand and shoots a ball of light from it. “Let the match… BEGIN!!”

We follow the ball of light all the way up and out of the stadium, where it consumes the frame and fades to… this:

"Waitwait… HUH?!"

What… the… SHIT…

By this point in the film, we are at a little less than ten of the 2 hour 40 minute runtime, and the most epic Quidditch match in the series is glossed right the hell over. The entire screentime involving talented Quidditch players flying on brooms, showing off and NOT PLAYING QUIDDITCH is given a minute and a half of the movie’s time.

I know I said before that I wasn’t going to talk about the books in relation to the movie, but I just feel that as a movie, this fails. And it’s mostly because the storytelling falls short of what made the book so good. These are mostly minor things, but they translate into major things.

The first thing, you know Krum? The person the non-existent Quidditch scene sets up? He’s hardly in the movie. Fleur Delacour? Forget about it. And she even has more lines than Krum. The character of Cedric is set up just enough to where you feel sad when he dies at the end.

Mad-Eye Moody? Great performance here, but his character in the book is an adversary to Harry, much like Lupin is in the third movie, he’s just reduced to this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who’s a little nuts and drinks. Leaving out Harry and Mad-Eye’s relationship minimizes the impact when we find out the Mad-Eye we’ve gotten close to turns out not to be the real Mad-Eye, and is in fact a Death Eater named Barty Crouch Jr.

Though Mad-Eye turning into Doctor Who almost makes up for this.

Rita Skeeter is also sadly minimized. I don’t know why she’s even in this movie. The whole point of her being there is to cause more PR trouble for Harry, making it satisfying when she’s put into a bug jar at the end. By having her in the movie and not including that ending we’re again robbed of a satisfying conclusion to her story.

Grrrrrrrrr….

Also, I don’t know if this is an actor or director fault, but Dumbledore just seems too rough with Harry in this movie. Check out this still where it looks like he’s about to strangle Harry.

Save it for the next movie, Dumbledore.

Those are the bad things. Now for the good:

Director Mike Newell is not a bad director. He’s directed such notable films as Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pushing Tin, Mona Lisa Smile, etc. Though the movie was very uneven, he did get the interactions between the main characters right. First, he kept alive the slow buildup of the awesomeness that is the Weasley Twins.

More of this, please.

Second, by largely downplaying the relationship between Hermione and Krum, he was able to better explore what was going on between her and Ron, a subject that is further explored in the next movie.

Neville’s character finally starts to gain some depth in this story. We find out about what happened to his parents and his connection to Voldemort, a point that is important for later on. Also worth noting: I’m not sure if this is in the book, but the scene after the Yule Ball totally implies that Neville got laid.

Pictured: PIMP

Couple points to wrap up this movie and part one of this retrospective.

This is the first movie to feature Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, and he shines. You just want Harry to kill him all over again. His screencaps will feature heavily in the next part of this article, so here’s a pic of the rubber baby Voldemort:

"D'awwwww…"

Lastly, Daniel Radcliffe’s performance at the end of this movie serves as a preview for the angst-ridden hormone-driven teenager that Harry becomes in the fifth movie.

Look at this angsty motherfucker.

In part 2, we get to the real meat of the series, including the epic finale ten years in the making.

Harry Potter will return in “Harry Potter and the Chamber of DOOM! (Part II)”