Well, that was different to what I expected. When it was advertised that this episode would be the Siege of Trenzalore, I wasn’t expecting the over-arching theme of Smith’s of fairytale whimsy to feature so strongly. While this episode wraps up a lot of the outstanding plotlines of this run, it does so a little clumsily. There’s some stuff you just have to let slide for the sake of the story and I’m okay with that but what I really couldn’t stomach were the jokes. The nakedness and the Christmas dinner stuff in particular fell flat on their respective arses. The repeated sending of Clara back to her own time was tedious too. Nine did it with Rose and it was an important moment, to do it here again not once but twice felt incredibly forced.

So what did I like about this episode? The Siege and the notion of “The Man who stayed for Christmas.” Yeah, it’s a little ham-fisted to call a town Christmas to justify a cool title but it ties into the fairytale aspect of Eleven. The return of the crack (its reveal was very chilling indeed) and its nature as a portal back into our universe for the Timelords was a good way of taking something we haven’t seen in a while and combining it with a something a little newer to create a new plot line. Will there be more cracks in the future? Who knows, but I look forward to finding out.

The Siege itself was an immensely fun sequence. Sans TARDIS, the Doctor is forced to wage a defensive war of attrition against his gathered enemies, all of whom want to stop the return of the Timelords. With a little help from the Papal Mainframe (remember those religious soldiers from The Time of Angels and A Good Man Goes to War? Same folks and they’re actually good guys.) the Doctor takes on all comers. From Sontarans (for a second, I thought it was Strax but probably just his batch brothers or something) and Weeping Angels to Daleks and Cybermen. His role as Sheriff is obviously taking its toll as we see him visibly age over the course of 300 years, greying at the temples and even walking with a cane as he faces down a wooden Cyberman. He’s become a part of this town and they love him, celebrating his every victory. It’s a nice change of pace to see the Doctor stay in one place instead of running away in his TARDIS.

Something that came up as I was rewatching was the mysterious Mother Superious of the Papal Mainframe, Tasha Lem. She is obviously an old friend of the Doctor, even perhaps an old lover but little phrases and details raised some red flags for me. Her mannerisms, ability to fly the TARDIS and, as the Doctor says, she’s been fighting the psychopath inside her all her life. Is… Is she River Song? I know that sounds utterly ridiculous but all those little things add up to her being River Song OR that the role she’s playing right now was meant to be for River’s return and something changed? I dunno, it just bothers me.

Through continuity shuffling, the Doc reveals to Clara that this is his final incarnation, thanks The War Doctor (affectionately called Captain Grump) and the Metacrisis aborted regeneration (Thanks, Ten, you vain sumbitch.)
But thanks to some help from on high (the Timelords) the Doc receives a whole new cycle of regenerations and uses the the energy to destroy the Daleks. The day is saved and in the aftermath, Clara and the Doctor meet inside the TARDIS for one final farewell.

I absolutely loved this scene, unlike Tennant’s masturbatory 20 minutes culminating in the ultimate puss-out line,  Smith approaches his impending regeneration with humility and comfort. You can really tell that he loved every second of his tenure and gives a sly fourth wall breaking nod to the audience. His monologue is especially profound and reassuring, letting the audience know that even though he’s gone, he’ll always be the Doctor. There’s a sweet hallucinatory scene between Eleven and Amy Pond which I found unintentionally hilarious since both were wearing wigs (Karen Gillan shaved her head for her upcoming role in Guardians of The Galaxy.)

With a quick flash, Peter Capaldi comes into the role with bug eyes, a distaste for the colour of his new kidneys and no idea how to fly the TARDIS. It follows the formula of the recent regenerations but I can’t really tell you much about Capaldi until we see him in some episodes but I’m hopeful.

The Time of the Doctor is flawed, I’ll be the first to admit it. It futzes with continuity and a lot of the early jokes are dire but the main plot is intriguing and ties up a lot of the remaining plot threads. Matt Smith’s final outing was fun, emotional and brings the Eleventh Hour to a close as the bell chimes Twelve. Goodnight, Raggedy Man. We will never forget you.

Or Handles.

A round of applause for starters.

And then on to episode spoilers so if you haven’t already; go watch it, you nerd!
Doctor Who “An Unearthly Child” was first broadcast on the 23rd of November 1963. 50 years. 50 years of aliens and running and sonic screwdrivers and a madman with a big blue box. I really don’t know where to begin, folks. How do I properly review an event 50 years in the making? Do I even have the words to describe the tangible sense of excitement felt on Saturday night as 70 countries around the world tuned into the 50th Anniversary of Doctor Who? Short answer, no. Long answer, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.

Let’s start with where the story starts, with Steven Moffat. Moffat took over as show runner in 2010 with the 11th Doctor, Matt Smith. His work on the show since the revival in 2005 and ongoing as Head Writer has been stellar. He’s created some of the creepiest monsters and some of the most acclaimed episodes of the revival; including Blink, The Empty Child, Silence in The Library and, of course, Curse of The Fatal Death. In Day of The Doctor, he’s taken one of the darkest parts of the Doctor’s life and made it something else. He turned it into something hopeful.

The Last Great Time War was a defining subplot of the 9th and 10th Doctors, as they came to terms with their decision to commit genocide against his own race and against the Daleks. It haunted him but when 11 came, he seemed to have come to terms with it, even acting glib about the subject. Now past and future collide as John Hurt’s War Doctor comes face to face with the fallout of his decision in the form of the 10th and 11th Doctors.
The Moment (a sentient doomsday weapon with the body of Rose “Bad Wolf” Tyler) gives the War Doctor a glimpse into the consequences of his actions and while you’d think this would become a rather sombre affair, the War Doctor is very endearing. He’s almost like a jovial grandad trying to make sense of his younger counterparts. John Hurt brings such warmth and charm to the role that you can’t help but love him as he totters alongside the youthful Tennant and Smith. Tennant returns as the 10th Doctor and he hits the ground running, like he never stopped. His energy, enthusiasm and wit hasn’t escaped him as he flawlessly bounds about, making funny noises and macking on Royalty. Matt Smith ties the trio together as the current Doctor, and is on form as usual. There’s nothing really to say about him. He’s bringing his A-Game.

As well as the main plot, we also have the B-Plot in the form of Zygons (in only their second TV appearance) and the return of Kate Stewart, the Brigadier’s daughter and the current head of UNIT. It’s a fun little diversion, showcasing an older villain and making them a little more terrifying than they ought to be (Seriously, that transformation sequence was gross). A solution is concocted by the three Docs and alls well that ends well with that portion of the story. It makes for an interesting counterpoint and allegory for the A-Plot.

The real meat of the story is the ultimate decision. The destruction of Gallifrey and the end of the Time War. As the War Doctor returns to his time to make the choice, his successors follow and offer to share the burden. It’s a really touching scene as they all put a hand on the big red button and John Hurt whispers a heartfelt thank you. Granted, they would actually show Three Doctors murder 2.47 billion children ON SCREEN. That just wouldn’t be cricket, and in a genius play by Moffat, the three come up with a plan that will save Gallifrey but keep their timeline intact and offer up an ongoing arc to Season 8. But it’s not just the Three Doctors, ohhhhhh no. In the most epic scene of Doctor Who since Demon’s Run, every regeneration returns to lend support in the rescue effort. A dozen TARDIS’ swarm the skies of Gallifrey, each relaying messages to an equally baffled and horrified Gallifreian General who can’t believe there’s twelve of them.

“No, sir. All thirteen!” is the rallying cry of the 13th Doctor, Peter Capaldi, shown just for a split second as his piercing eyes make every member of the audience cheer “FUCK YEAH!”. Gallifrey disappears, the day is saved and the three Doctors are left discussing the painting from earlier. It’s a very touching farewell for John Hurt and, what I feel to be, a very sincere, 4th wall-breaking, thank you for the chance to play the Doctor. Tennant and Smith also exchange a few kind words, including Tennant quoting Hartnell and a sly jab at his own departure. Smith’s Doctor is left alone with the painting and much to everyone’s surprise, yet another Doctor shows up. A possible future Doctor. All very mysterious. We end on a group shot and a promise of adventure to come. The world collectively catches its breath as credits roll.

Naturally, this is a must-see episode. It’s a huge event for any television series, not just Doctor Who. With the combined acting chops of Matt Smith, David Tennant and John Hurt, you’re in for a rollercoaster adventure through time with plenty jokes, action and pathos for everyone. Jenna Louise-Coleman and Billie provide support quite well as the ever faithful Clara and the mysterious Bad Wolf entity, respectively. I’ll actually admit that I enjoyed this version of Billie Piper much more than her previous appearances. Everyone was on top of their game in the acting department. Stephen Moffat wrote an amazing story and I truly believe everyone should watch it.

There’s nothing much more to say except that if you want to give your opinions, you can in the comments below and we’ll be back at Christmas for Matt Smith’s final journey as the Doctor in… What? What do you mean they haven’t announced the episode title!? Fine. See you at Christmas, folks!

I…. I truly don’t know where to begin this magnificent episode, I truly don’t. What the actual hell, Moffat? After so many mediocre episodes this season, you knock this one out of the god damn park! THIS is Doctor Who at it’s finest and I hope it manages to keep this standard up during the 50th Anniversary and beyond.

First thing I have to address is the opening, which has Clara appearing alongside various incarnations of the Doctor. It’s an amazing scene with some astounding stand-in work and some less fantastic green screen, though they do a great job of matching Clara’s attire with the style of the times. It says a lot that she could have fit into any Doctor’s incarnation and not looked out of place. We see her interact with the first Doctor directly and then just call after the other classic Doctors. It’s a great sequence and wonderful to see the old Doctors back in some form.

We’re back with the Victorian Gang too! Vastra and Jenny are at home while Strax goes to Glasgow on his weekend off to fight Scots! Brilliant. The Victorian Gang is always a welcome return as well as the Alex Kingston as Professor River Song. They’re a fun bunch but their banter is soon cut short as Jenny is murdered right in front of them by the Whisper Men. It’s a visceral gut-punch as she apologises profusely before fading from sight. Soon, everyone at the conference is under attack from Whisper Men and the episode kicks into high gear.

The music in this episode is absolutely fantastic, buidling on the atmosphere in each scene. The Doctor and Clara find themselves on the way to Trenzalore and these two have a great dynamic throughout the episode; Funny and sweet but tragic and heartbreaking at the same time.

Appearing at the Doctor’s final resting place (the TARDIS grown to gigantic proportions after a “size-leak) on Trenzalore, The Great Intelligence claims that this was his final blood-soaked battle and that he became something much darker towards the end, becoming known as The Storm, The Beast and, most terrifying of all, the Valeyard. For those who are relatively new to Who lore, the Valeyard is the Doctor gone wrong. An evil future regeneration between his 12th and 13th regenerations according to the Master.

Inside the tomb, the Intelligence finds the means to undo the Doctor’s every victory and triumph, and wipe out the universe in the process. As he does so, the Doctor convulses on the control room floor as the gang rush outside to see the stars vanish from the night sky. Slowly, the universe becomes colder and even the Doctor’s allies change for the worse, as Jenny disappears and Strax tries to kill Vastra. It’s a truly desperate situation. Clara, having remembered the events from Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, knows that she appears in other times to save the Doctor so naturally she heads into his timestream to undo the Intelligence’s machinations. Once everything is restored to normal and the Doctor is back in fighting shape, he has every intention of following Clara and saving her this time. As the others argue with him about this, River Song, enraged and frustrated, attempts to slap him only to catch it.

In the sweetest and heart-breaking scene in the episode, the Doctor acknowledges River’s prescence. Throughout the episode, she has only appeared to the others and not to him because this is River Song we met all the way back in Silence in the Library. She is the back-up copy of River. The Doctor and River share their final goodbye and it’s wonderful. A story that started 5 years finally reaches its natural conclusion as they say their goodbyes, only to promise to see each other again. I loved it!

Clara falls through time, encountering the Doctors and saving his life, explaining the mystery of the Impossible Girl but her story isn’t over yet! The Doctor appears to save her and he sees something that scares him. Clara confirms that she saw 11 Doctors as they stare at a silhouetted figure overlooking the dying embers of Trenzalore and the Doctor can only muster that the mysterious figure is the Doctor’s greatest secret. Clara collapses and as the Doctor carries her out, the figure speaks. He had no choice. He only did it in the name of peace and sanity. The Doctor scowls and departs protesting “But you didn’t do it in the name of the Doctor.”

The figure turns.

And the fandom collectively creamed itself as credits roll.

Oh, boy. Where to even begin… First up, JOHN F***KING HURT is the DOCTOR! Amazing! Secondly, there is so much speculation going on right now, it’s unreal. Many are saying that this is 9th Doctor, the one who ended the Time War to which I say, really? Every season since the series revival has steadily allowed the Doctor to put the events of the Time War behind him and go on with his life. What would be the point in dredging it all up again?
My thoughts? This is the Doctor’s final regeneration, since the Doctor established that the time tunnel was not only a gateway into his past, but to his future as well (And the Intelligence refered to him as “old man”). He went renegade and became something wholly unlike the Doctor that he lost the right to the name. He is the Time Lord Victorious, he is the Beast, the Storm, the Valeyard. That’s my take on it and I have to say it makes a whole lot more sense than a “forgotten” regeneration that would undo years of character growth. Hell, it might even be a good set-up for the 50th Anniversary…

And with that, we leave Season 7 and look forward to the future six months from now when The Doctor returns. What were your thoughts on the episode, John Hurt, and the season as a whole? Let me know in the comments and I’ll see you guys on 23/11/13!

Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three. After some truly mediocre and downright awful episodes in this half of the season, this was going to be my highlight. Neil Gaiman, Warwick Davis and the return of the Cybermen? You’re damn right this is an awesome episode! Fun banter, astounding actor performances and an atmosphere of dread and tension pack this episode with everything a great Who episode is and what Gaiman has delivered before.

*Insert Poltergeist score here*

Following on from last week, this is the kids first (and hopefully last) outing with the Doctor and Clara. Travelling to the Hedgewick’s World of Wonders, a theme park sadly now abandoned apart from a kooky man in a top hat, a rag-tag platoon of the worst soldiers an Empire can offer and a mysterious little man by the name of Porridge. What unites these lost souls and how can the Doctor fight the enemy within and without?

HAX! I call HAX!

The new Cybermen design is brilliant! It’s sleeker but no less powerful looking. We learn that during the 1,000 year long Cyber-Wars (a callback to the 5th Doctor story, Earthshock) that the Cybermen have upgraded themselves to a state of near indestructability. They’re faster, stronger, not so weak to gold and they walk like Robocop now! Their new ability to adapt quickly is quite reminiscent of The Borg, along with their capacity to convert all organic species quickly and easily using Cybermites. This is a huge improvement and definitely a step in the right direction in making them a formidble fighting force again. In their efforts to become more powerful and destroy all organics, the Cyber-Planner infests the Doctor and this is where Matt Smith shines as he plays the steadfast Doctor, resisting and fighting to regain his mind and the Cyber-Planner, using his memories and Timelord knowledge to taun both the Doctor and his companions. Smith plays schizophrenic really well and I love the Cyber-Planner, he’s trying to play Clara and using other Doctor’s catchphrases. He’s amazing!

“I have seen the enemy, and he is a handsome devil!”

Speaking of Clara, she really steps up in this episode and shows us why the Doctor trusts her. Just like her previous incarnations, her sheer force of will and personality can make anyone follow her into battle and even fall in love. Warwick Davis plays Porridge, a mysterious guy who is hiding some deep secret and holding on to a lot of guilt, and he’s a great character and yet another one that I hope returns. Finally we come to the Maitland children who are essentially bargaining chips/meat shields to drive the plot forward. Artie is alright but Angie is a right cow but I guess that fits her MO as moddy teenage girl. I hope they never travel in the TARDIS again.

Nightmare in Silver is a fantastic episode and I cannot recommend it highly enough. You should be watching it right now! GO!

Next week sees this season end with The Name of the Doctor and secrets shall be revealed but for now, check out this prelude to the finale.

When bodies begin to turn up in the canal afflicted with a look of terror and a scarlet hue, this naturally earns the interest of Jenny and Vastra: Rescue Rangers. With their Sontaran footman in tow, they set out to infiltrate Sweetville, a factory-come-gated community that has something of Willy Wonka about it but somehow less insidious. It’s naturally a front for Mrs Gillyflower and her silent partner Mr. Sweet’s grand plan of poisoning the planet. The Doctor and Clara have already fallen foul of this plot and it’s up to Jenny, Vastra and Strax to save the day.

How can you not love these two?

I really enjoyed this episode, Mark Gatiss as writer is in his element, the creepiness of Sweetville is much like a watered down version of Royston Vasey. Diana Rigg’s performance as the insane, manipulative Mrs Gillyflower is one of the better villains of this season. She’s pure evil and Diana Rigg conveys her unrelenting zealotry beautifully. Her silent partner is revealed to be a Red Leech that has attached itself to her and formed a symbiotic relationship. Mr Sweet is kinda cute for a horrifying crab leech thing.

Look at this horse, it’s less than amazing!

This episode is also pretty damn funny! Jenny and Vastra are always a fun couple to be around and their interaction with regular denizens of the time period is often slap-sticky and fun. As with every other episode featuring this trio, Strax steals the show. Between a sugar rush assault on Sweetville to killing horses because they fail him., Strax is often the funniest part of any episode featuring him. Unfortunately, he had to share the same scene as “Urchin Boy”, as he’s named in the credits but “Thomas Thomas” in the episode. F*** this character. It’s a GPS gag. It started out as a weird juxtaposition of GPS speak coming from a street urchin that I thought was a sly hint at something unsettling but no, it’s a f***ing TomTom gag. Sorry for swearing but it’s a really fucking stupid gag and I hate it. I hope the poor kid who had to act that part gets better roles in the future, I’d hate for his sole entry on IMDB page to be “F***ing TomTom Kid”.

You and me both, Strax

Venting over. Calm blue TARDIS. The episode ends on an interesting note. The kids that Clara looks after have twigged onto her being a time-traveller without ever seeing the TARDIS or interacting with the Doctor. Them some clever kids! They threaten to tell their father of Clara’s escapades, which is stupid but perfectly reasonable kid logic, unless she takes them travelling with her. For the second time (but not wiped away by a “big friendly button”) Clara is made away of her past life as she sees a picture of her Victorian counterpart amongst the pictures from different time periods. I hope to see this kick-off next episode when Clara confronts the Doctor.

Next week we step into twisted realms of Neil Gaiman once again and see the return of the Cybermen. This episode is looking to be a real Nightmare in Silver.

spinny~spinny~spinny

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS starts out strong as the TARDIS is captured by a brotherly band of scavengers and the TARDIS interior is thrown into disarray. While the Doctor “gently coerces” the scavengers on a Clara-hunt, Clara herself is left to find her own way through the TARDIS’ labyrinthine corridors, discovering things along the way that are both wonderful and terrifying, as the TARDIS should be.

Nice to see the Doctor’s cupboard is as cluttered as mine.

Out of the guest stars this time, only Tricky is likable and it would have been nice to see him join as a companion, because seriously, I’m getting tired of modern era companions and having a future dude with robot eyes could be useful. His brothers are tall and stupid and short and dickish, respectively. But in a move that Moffat has used before, the dickish brother remembers what the Doctor told him before the timeline reset and treats him better from then on. It’s stupid and contrived but I like Tricky so at least he’s better off. Oh, yeah! Another time reboot, sure it’s only a couple hours but this kind of thing undermines an episode immensely, especially given what Clara learns about the Doctor. It’s right up there with “And it was all a dream” in the realms of bullshit status quo resets.

Spoilers

I don’t think I can consider this a Doctor-lite episode despite the focus being on Clara exploring the TARDIS. They’re not seperated for long and we do see a lot of the Doctor’s efforts. It just feels like it should be have been a Doctor-lite episode and wouldn’t have lost anything. Hell, they could have built on the Clara/TARDIS animosity and have them resolve it as the TARDIS helps Clara avert disaster as the Doctor is offscreen doing something else but what we got was fine, it was still fun.

You shut your beautiful mouth, Clara!

What really made this episode for me was the continuity nods. I freaking LOVE continuity porn and this episode was drenched in it…. What? *Ahem* All the little nods and references are what I live for. I love it in MTMTE and I love it here. From the whispers in the console room (I quoted the 9th Doctor line used here to my friend Ryan while we were watching an earlier scene) and the swimming pool to the library (housing a book that I think every fan would love to have a flick through) and the telescope from Torchwood House and the 7th Doctor’s umbrella!
This episode was full of fun little details and it was great to see the layout of this new TARDIS.

Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS is fun but flawed. It has lots of interesting hooks and some great visuals but falls a little short of being the perfect episode for me. Next week we have the return of Mark Gatiss and something he knows a thing or two about. Mundane and wholesome exterior meets sinister and twisted morality. What secrets hide behind the gates of Sweetville? Join us next week as we come face-to-face with The Crimson Horror.

As it turns out, he can! I may have given him stick for his debut episode but he won me back with Hide. The atmosphere is thick with tension from the get-go and between the otherworldy locations and the monster of the week is perfect nightmare fuel for the kids (and even some adults I’ve spoken to). One thing I’m thankful for is that they get the two big cliches shortly after the credits roll. The “Doctor who?” running gag is subverted by Professor Palmer and they get the obligatory Ghostbusters reference out and not try to shoehorn it in later which helps the episode immensely.

“Oh, this old thing? Got it fighting SATAN!”

PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD

Professor Palmer and his assistant are played by Dougray Scott and Jessica Raine, respectively. I don’t know the former from anything but I know the latter from her role in Call the Midwife (it was always on in the background as I worked at the computer, honestly) Their relationship is very Doctor/Companion but with the sickening romantic element that ruins most Doctor/Companion dynamics. That’s right, Rose and Martha are terrible companions and y’all can suck it if you disagree! Donna Noble FTFW!

Ruh-roh, Raggy!

As with other DW ghost stories, the ghost is not a ghost but Old Man Wilkins! Nah, it’s a dimensionally-displaced pioneer time-traveller and yes, that’s the easiest way to describe her. The monster of the week never gets named on screen but its name and appearance is some proper Silent Hill nightmare fuel. It’s this grotesque, distorted humanoid crab thing and it’s great and its name is PERFECT! I’ll not reveal it but if you care to look it up or keep an eye on the credits, you’ll agree. I don’t like the resolution, it feels a bit stupid to me but hey, no one dies and that’s always a good day for the Doctor.

The TARDIS rocks everyone’s world!

This episode also marks some development for Clara, with her having the typical Companion realisation about time-travel (things die, yo) and confronts the Doctor and the conversation is phrased in such a way that it can mean both humanity and his companions and the Doctors answer has a double meaning relating to humanity as a whole and Clara herself. It’s pretty cool. The TARDIS and Clara also finally have a bit of a barney which I was glad for. Clara sassing the box and the box responding in kind is great but they put aside their animosity towards each other to save the Doctor. I hope we see a little more of that next week.

Hide is an immensely enjoyable episode and redeems Neil Cross for me. It’s tense, creepy and genuinely terrifying in parts. The characters are engaging, the monster is scary and nobody dies, so it’s good times all round! Come back next week as we truly take a step into the unknown as we take a Journey into the Centre of the TARDIS.

Fear and Loathing in Soviet Russia

Obviously this episode draws heavily from the Big Three of awesome alien movies; John Carpenter’s The Thing, Alien and Predator. The atmosphere on the tight, cramped sub is thick with tension with the world in the balance as the Doctor plays mediator between the Russians and the Martians, which is a sentence I never thought I’d write. Something I found very surprising in this episode was that the sub is a model, which one this episode soooo many points.

Where’s a Stark when you need ’em, eh?

The cast, as stated before, is stellar with Game of Thrones stars Liam Cunnigham and Tobias Menzies and Captain Zhukov and Lt. Stephashin, respectively. They’re also joined by the brilliant David Warner, he of Tron, Time Bandits and Quest of The Delta Knight fame (That last one will get the MST3K fans hyped) but in the only real let down of the episode, none of them sport Russian accents. None of the Russian characters sport a funny accent and that’s a damn shame. Some of the dialogue that includes Russian words sound silly in London accents. Nicholas Briggs provides the voice for Skaldak and gives him a lot of pent up rage and sorrow which is brought out in his CGI face. We found out a lot more about the Ice Warrior culture in this episode, which I don’t think has been touched on before really, nor have we seen what they look like under the armour.

“And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”

Something I neglected to bring up in the last episode but I’ll bring up here since there seems to be some allusions cast in this episode too toward who or what Clara is. In Rings of Akhaten, Clara tries to enter the TARDIS on her own but is refused entry. Yes, the door was just locked but Clara concludes that the TARDIS does not like her, which is similar to what happened when Captain Jack returned and the TARDIS tried to throw him off the exterior as it bolted into the timestream. It might be nothing but it might something, much like an allusion to a past idea in this episode when Clara sings to calm her nerves. What song? Hungry like the Wolf!
Now, again, this could mean absolutely nothing but given Clara’s anomalous nature in time and the lyrics “I’m lost and I’m found, and I’m hungry like the wolf” could be seen as very telling, especially given the return of Ten and Rose in the 50th Anniversary.

Cold War gets a very high score from me, it’s damn near flawless! The Russian accents aside, this episode is entertaining, gripping and extremely watchable. The next episode sees the return of the writer of Rings of Akhaten, Neil Cross, so let’s see if Hide can hide from my scorn.

I didn’t like The Rings of Akhaten. I thought the story was lacking, the villain little more than a Poundland Jack O’Lantern and a weak first trip for our companion. That’s not to say it failed utterly, there was good character interaction and a deeper look into Clara’s past.

I’m more of a Dandy man, myself.

The Doctor starts the episode looking into Clara’s past, following her throughout her life. From her parent’s first meeting to her mother’s death, the Doctor observes but there doesn’t appear to be anything significant in her history apart from maybe her parents chance encounter, though that has resolution so there real isn’t anything in this Clara’s past to indicate who or what she is. It’s good that the writers are allowing us to go along with the mystery the Doctor, allowing us to process the clues like he does and there have been some interesting clues, such as the missing ages in Clara’s 101 Places to See book. Still, it’s early days so speculation is rife but I’m sure we’ll be finding more out as we go along.

It’s not even the same leaf!

The main crux of the episode is the typical child sacrifice to a god scenario, where the new companion tries to help and then gets told “we don’t walk away” by the Doctor and urrrrrgh, I can’t bring myself to write about the main plot because its dull and boring and dumb. The “old god” is really weak sauce, being a parasitic sun or Jack O’Lantern that feeds on memories and snooooooore!
Mr. Cross, sir, if you’re going to throw the term “old god” around and you DON’T have the Doctor fight Cthulhu, you’re doing something very, very wrong. I mean, c’mon! He’s already had a go at Satan, let him have a bash at the old ones! Get Neil Gaiman to write it, Keith David to voice Cthulhu, we’ll have good times!

Venusian Karate!

On the plus side, the setting of this episode has a great Mos Eisley vibe, with plenty of new and exotic aliens inhabiting it, though a couple are clearly kitbashed from older costumes. The score for this episode is pretty good too, with epic choruses providing a bed for Matt Smith’s heartbreaking monologue.

All in all, I can’t recommend the episode on its own but if you’re watching the entire series, there’s some stuff that will keep you interested until the end. My hard drive died shortly after I posted the Bells of St John review and I’m obviously catching up on reviews so be sure to check back in a couple days when things will be heating up in Cold War!

The first thing that should be said about this episode is that it’s pretty much just a 21st Century take on the second season episode The Idiot’s Lantern, but with wifi instead of old televisions. The two episodes share a lot in common, too much in fact which has lead to cries of plagerism and I’m kind of inclined to agree. Sure, there’s some things to distinguish it but not much.
Still, it’s an immensely fun episode with an interesting villain so let’s give the plot a quick run-down. SPOILERS ┓┏ 凵 =╱⊿┌┬┐ AHEAD

A strange wifi signal is stealing the souls of those who access it, all under the command of a returning villain, The Great Intelligence, (played by the returning Richard E. Grant, maybe he won’t be wasted after all!) and the Doctor’s search for the mysterious Clara is thrown into the middle of this. Clara is so much like Victorian Clara, something the Doctor is keen to point out but not entirely reveal. She’s just as excitable, quick-witted and smart as her other incarnations but I do miss Vic-Clara. After losing her twice already, the Doctor is very protective of her straight out of the gate, including a message to the villains declaring her under his protection. ┓┏ 凵 =╱⊿┌┬┐

One of the things I have to congratulate the show on this time round is the cinematography, which seems to be taking a couple pages out of Sherlock’s book, with huge sweeping camera movements and one particular shot that follows the Doctor from the street outside the TARDIS, inside, around the control room and back out into the cabin of a plummeting jet plane. While it has obvious cute points, they did their best to make it look like one long steady cam shot, a tough thing to pull off given how the TARDIS moves around.

Looking at fan reaction online, this episode has been pretty divisive but I enjoyed it. It was fast-paced, it was fun and foreshadowed a lot of stuff to pay off later. The Doctor/Clara dynamic is enjoyable to watch and I’ll be glad to see where this season goes. See you guys nex–

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What‘s that thing? I know I didn’t type that…
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Where… Where am I?

[How will our hero get out of the wifi? Find out next week on No, YOU’RE a TARDIS!]