If you’re lost, you can look and you will find it; a personally polarising season finale of Doctor Who! Yes, season 9 is finally over and what did we learn?

That Moffat refuses to kill Clara just to spite me. I’m convinced of it now. I could have handled the DinerClara being one of the dozens of time-shadows in the Doctor’s past but this? Insert the Sideshow Bob getting hit by a rake noise here.

So what fun can we have on Gallifrey now that it’s back? Wait, that’s Rassilon!? Fuck, you really got a downgrade from The Daltonator, didn’t ya chief? Still, seeing Gallifrey’s surprising fealty for the Doctor is pretty damn cool! The General’s surprise regeneration was neat too. Changed race and gender but still kept the buzz cut! Still, that was a dick-move by the Doctor.

“Tomorrow is promised to no-one, but I insist upon my past. I am entitled to that.” I think that line sums up more about what Clara should have been in this episode than anything else. The Doctor went full Timelord Victorious by resurrecting her and while I hate that it happened, it fit with his character.

The problem is that Clara has several moments of clarity where she knows that she should not be but the tumblr-baiting shipping trash just refuses to be taken out. All the “I love you”’s unsaid and the illusory feelings of attraction taints what would otherwise be an end with shades of Donna Noble but unlike the heart-wrenching goodbye we had there…

Clara gets to live! With Ashildr! In a TARDIS. Like this is fucking FANFICTION. Fucking-fuckity-fuck right off, Moffat! In short:

But, at the very least, there is some good here. The call back to Amy and Rory is cool, as well as the default/Mark I TARDIS. Oh, and then there’s Capaldi 2.0.

With the memory of Clara mostly gone, we get a clean slate for Capaldi’s Doctor and with a fresh Doctor comes the only things that matter. Fresh clothes and a fresh sonic screwdriver! Man, I felt such joy during this sequence, it felt great that we were getting back to basics.

So overall, how does this season finale stand? It’s entertaining and apart from some personal issues I have with it, it was a good way to close the book what was undoubtedly a dark chapter in the Doctor’s life (but not in the way we were promised.) What does the next chapter hold? Well, I know what’s coming up in just a few weeks…

And I cannot wait for Doctor Who to be fun again. See you soon!

First off, everyone give Jenna Coleman a round of applause. No, I’m being serious. Do it. She deserves it.

I guess I should get all the gubbins out of the way first. Rigsy’s return is very much welcome but god is he wasted here. He’s little more than a glorified extra and that’s a shame. Here was a character with a lot of charm and wit to him but he’s little more than set dressing for most of the episode.

Much like the returning Ashildr/Me, mayor of Diagon Alley ummm… Diagon Alley. Yeah, it pretty much is, let’s face it. It’s a fantastic concept and I hope it gets revisted soon. Maisie Williams’ is just another familiar face that is ultimately thrown by the way-side. I almost wish the Paternoster Gang were here to see Clara here but I have no doubt they’d just be wasted too.

Clara’s exit was much better than I expected. It was great, in fact. A journey that began three years ago with Asylum of the Daleks, continued in The Snowmen and began proper with The Bells of St. Johns, Clara has been… Hit and miss as regular readers will know.

She’s really been getting on my tits since Capaldi became the Doctor, mostly because she was the wrong kind of companion when she was around him. On her own, she was a strong, independent woman who could stand side-by-side with anyone at UNIT and face down even the Doctor’s worst enemies. By his side… She was Martha/Rose at their worst and that’s a damn shame.

This season was the worst of it but, in retrospect, it makes sense. She’s had a death wish ever since Danny died. When the Doctor left her, she threw herself into her work. When Danny died, she threw herself into the Doctor’s world. She’s been more aggressive, more reckless and more reliant on the Doctor for emotion, which is bad news on a whole bunch of fronts.

But for all her faults, for all the Tumblr-baiting bullshit we’ve had to endure and for the sake of Rigsy and his little girl, Clara sacrifices her life of her own free will. Granted, she didn’t quite know what she was doing but when she came face-to-face with the result, she embraced it. She was flawed, she was annoying and she could wind me up something fierce but when it came to her final moments…

She was brave. Jenna’s performance in this scene makes up for every single bit of annoyance. This is Jenna acting her arse off without being tied down by the BS love plot and it is glorious. It’s powerful, it’s emotional and it’s a death worthy of a companion.

In the aftermath… Hoo-boy, Capaldi gets to show his chops too. He goes full ‘Wrath of the Time Lord’ and it is chilling. I pity the poor sap who wants him captured.

Post-credits sees Rigsy decorate the TARDIS with a mural for Clara and I’ll admit… That got me.
What does the future hold? I guess we’ll see who wants the Doctor so badly (and will probably regret it) next week in Heaven Sent.

Well… That was… Interesting, I guess? Not gonna lie folks, this one has me quite perplexed. I liked it. It was good. But I keep asking the same question of Sleep No More:

What was the point?

What Mark Gatiss has written here is a very intriguing concept, with a fantastic directorial style (big-ups to Justin Molotnikov, survivor of other BBC prime time show; Atlantis and Merlin) and some truly creepy villains but ultimately… It just doesn’t go anywhere.

The found-footage angle is intriguing and very early on, as soon as Clara’s viewpoint becomes a thing, you start to question it (or, at least I did) and you start to try to second-guess the episode. I was thinking nano-bots and I was kinda right. Kinda.

Nothing is as it seems with this episode and I think that’s by design. Mark Gatiss has often played his Who and Sherlock writing fairly straight but let’s not forget that this is one of the twisted minds behind The League of Gentlemen and a writer for the reboot of Randall & Hopkirk. Mystery and weirdness are second nature to this guy.

The best way to describe the episode is dream-like. It has an other-worldly, ethereal feeling to it, like it’s not quite real and that ambiguity plays into why I think many are unsure how to take this episode. It’s got some amazingly strong ideas but the overall vagueness is so unlike every other episode in this season so far that I think it’s alienated more than a few viewers.

It’s a great episode but it’s definitely an odd one that requires deeper analysis than this humble reviewer is capable of. Someone more attuned to psychological tropes might be able to do something astounding in terms of analysis.

That’s all I’ve got for now folks but be sure to come back next week as we greet some old faces and say goodbye in Face the Raven.

I have to give credit where it’s due and suspend the Clara Backdown 2015 for this week, mostly because A) she spends most of the episode either in a pod or in the background and 2) because what little screen time she does have is pretty good. Why is it that she’s a competent and strong character when out of sight of the Doctor but as soon as she’s near him she turns into Rose/Martha in their worst moments of doe-eyed stupidity?

On the flipside, Jenna Coleman’s performance as Bonnie was an absolute blast to watch, especially opposite herself/Clara. My problem has never been Jenna Coleman, but the character, especially post-Smith’s departure. Bonnie is a fun and sinister villain, probably because she’s wearing the face of someone we know.

Peter Capaldi’s performance in this episode was amazing, there’s no other words for it. His gags were as on point as they were last episode and then there was this scene…

Give that man a god damn BAFTA! Capaldi poured his heart and soul into this performance and we finally see shades of the Doctor he’s been teasing since he stepped into the role. A Doctor so utterly frustrated by the stupidity of those around him that his default tone is patronising but every jeer and sly jab is for the other person’s benefit. He goads and challenges and taunts because people, humanity especially, can be better and he’ll make damn sure they realise it. The 12th Doctor is an exercise in universal tough-love.

The Zygon Invasion/Inversion, while stumbling with it’s symbolism in the first part, sticks it’s landing and delivers the most compelling episode of the season. Frankly, I can’t wait to see how Mark Gatiss follows this episode up next week with Sleep No More.

The Zygon Invasion is the best episode we’ve had all season and the knowledge that we’ll be getting a second part to this is pretty exciting. Sure, there’s some dumb bullshit in the episode but for the most part, it was pretty engaging.

Now, let’s talk about social commentary. Personally, I like it in science fiction but it needs subtlety. Guile. Something other than a smack in the face. So when this episode approaches the Zygon invasion as a proxy for Muslim radicalisation, I could see that being pretty interesting. Then I remember this was written by Peter Harness, the same man who wrote Kill The Moon aka THIS IS ABOUT ABORTION!: The Episode.

It was handled about as ham-fistedly as you’d expect from this clown but apart from that, there’s some good writing here. There’s tension, there’s wit and there’s a really awesome twist!

The reappearance of Osgood was a head-scratcher for most, and the reveal that she may/may not have been a Zygon is a good way around that. They never let it slip if the remaining Osgood is human or Zygon, cleverly having her shake even the Doctor’s confidence by Osgood insisting that she’s both.

Kate Stewart’s return is very welcome but she feels a little more gung-ho in this episode. Still, that may be because she’s the Kate-Zygon, much like there’s a second Osgood around. I don’t know, character inconsistencies usually get chalked up to doppelgangers, right?

Speaking of spitting images, did anyone else notice that the Zygon town was the same location as the town Christmas from Time of The Doctor? I wonder if Truth and Consequences has been used before…

Man, that Clara reveal was soooo good! Is it too much to ask that Clara is dead and the evil Zygon-Clara can be the antagonist for the rest of the season? Jenna Coleman makes an excellent villain, she’s got the right look of evil about her. Hell, she could play Missy and I’d be happy.

So that’s the first half of the Zygon two-parter and I really enjoyed it and I really hope the second half isn’t terrible but we’ll find out next week with The Zygon Inversion.

Jamie Mathieson might just be my new favourite Who writer. Between Mummy on the Orient Express, Flatline and now The Girl Who Died, he’s batting a thousand with entertaining episodes. Sure, the villains are a bit one note (See: Judoon-ish) but the character interaction is just delicious.

The Clara Backdown 2015 is halted for the week because Clara is not offensive this week. Hell, the Doctor’s line of “Oh, Clara… What have I made of you?” is exactly what I wanted for the beginning of her downfall and, though I am loathe to admit it, she looks cute as hell in the Satan’s Space Suit.

The Vikings are really anachronistic but that’s something for a history nerd to bitch about, I did like the “I think he was being sarcastic” line though.

Ashildr, played by Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams, is yet another should-be companion and her ultimate fate is pretty interesting. She essentially gets Jack Harkness’d but unlike Ten, Twelve shows a degree of compassion by offering her a way to immortalise another person, someone she couldn’t live without. That’s got to be a thread we’ll pick up in the future but for now, we see the immediate burden that’s now been placed on her shoulders.

The nature of immortality is more tragic the more you really think about it. It’s not a gift, it’s a curse and as the Doctor all but says; dying is a privilege, one that immortals can never really earn.

That said, dying isn’t as good as living and in a wonderful epiphany, we finally see the resolution to the whole face plot. The Doctor flashes back to his time as Ten and Donna’s pleading to save someone in the Fires of Pompeii, one of the people being Caecilius (a part played by Peter Capaldi) and what that face means. Saving lives is what the Doctor does, even if it’s just one. Plus I love it for basically having Ten show up and give Twelve a mental kick in the ass and have a subtle dig because Donna is the superior companion.

While not considered a two-parter by the wiki (god knows why, they’re definitely connected) Ashildr’s story continues next week as we stand and deliver for The Woman Who Lived.

Oh boy… Yet another episode with cool concepts made mediocre by bad plot and blatant pandering (the bad kind, not the good kind we like on this website).

The Bootstrap Paradox is an interesting concept to say the least. It’s an endless loop of idea generation that is quintessentially Who. I loved it. Not so sure about breaking the fourth wall to do it though… The Doctor talking to the audience is usually something reserved for promos and it just feels… out of place in an actual episode. Bonus points for the Magpie Electricals nod and for Capaldi (presumably) riffing the Doctor Who theme.

There’s also a nice nod to the Timelord Victorious when the Doctor decides he’ll fuck with time to save Clara and the TARDIS puts a stop to that sharpish. The old girl is learning.

Oh, Clara. You callous tumblr-fodder, you. I can’t wait for you to die or, better yet, for the Doctor to realise that you’re not the person you once were and to abandon you. I’ve never wanted a companion gone as much as Clara now, and that’s saying something considering we’ve had Martha, but even she would never put the lives of innocents below her own. Shame on you, Clara. Jenna Coleman deserves a better role than this.

You know who would make better companions? Cass/Lunn and O’Donnell.

Cass goes full-on Toph Bei-Fong in this episode and it’s a fantastic bit of character building. Sophie Stone did a fantastic job, especially in this episode. Her resolution with Lunn, her translator, is also pretty cute.

O’Donnell. The companion who should have been. Another case of a Doctor fan being a fun character and companion potential being cut down. Just like poor Osgood. Shame.

On the plus side, O’Donnell is a font of foreshadowing and fun references.

The Fisher King also gets side-lined, despite being a really impressive creature with a haunting voice. Again, a shame and a waste.

Another mediocre two-parter, with interesting concepts that are left by the way-side for the sake of shipping. Hopefully, Jamie Mathieson’s return will herald a genuinely good episode with Vikings and dragons and Game of Thrones’ stars but given Moffat’s involvement… I won’t hold my breath for The Girl Who Died.

Toby Whithouse is a pretty decent writer. He’s written School Reunion, The Vampires of Venice, The God Complex, A Town Called Mercy and the Torchwood episode Greeks Bearing Gifts. They’ve all done stuff that I’ve liked and this episode is no exception but the real problem is that this is the first of two parts (all but 2 episodes this season will be serialised like this) so it’s hard to give an impression of the story when it’s incomplete but I’ll muddle along.

Clara Backdown 2015 gets a new wrinkle as we learn something new about her. When presented with a spooky underwater base that was clearly abandoned in a hurry, her first reaction is to say “Booyah, adventure!” and ask for a high-five. Really, Clara? Either you haven’t learned a damn thing about what this situation means or you are immensely callous. Shame on you.

Capaldi is a little more on form this episode, insulting people and getting excited by the idea of actual bone fide ghosts. More of this please!

The guest cast are pretty cool. Colin McFarlane is an astounding actor but he gets side-lined far too quickly and ends up silently stalking the base for the rest of the episode as a ghost. I’d like to give a special mention to Sophie Stone, the first deaf actor to work on Doctor Who. I was watching her performance closely, wondering if she actually was deaf or not, and she was pretty damn good as Commander Cass.

There’s a couple references to Whithouse’s other episodes in the form of the first ghost who is Tivolian and one of The Doctor’s empathy cards, which references Sarah Jane Smith and her conversation in School Reunion.

The cliffhanger sees the group split between past and present and a truly grim fate for The Doctor that is such bullshit that I can’t believe they even did it. What is it this season and saying the Doctor is dying? He’s just got a fresh set of regenerations, he literally CAN’T DIE.

A fun little mystery set-up for the most part but can this two-parter stick the landing? Come back next week as we find out what happened Before The Flood.

You all excited for the brand-new, explosive, heart-pounding, dog-frightening season of Doctor Who? ARE YOU?

No, me neither so I figured I’d change up the formula a bit, something more akin to our Tease Me, Baby! trailer reviews. Instead of going in depth, I’ll just give my brief thoughts on stuff rather than recaps because, frankly, I’ve got other shit I’d rather be doing than talking about mediocre garba–

The Child
Well, fuck me then. The opening teaser is pretty interesting, I’ll give it that and to have the scene bookend the episode was a brilliant choice. Okay, that was good, what else have you got Moffat?

The New Dynamic Duo
Despite Clara being the main reason for me being unhype about the new season, Jenna Coleman plays her pretty well here as an agent of UNIT. Throw The Master into the mix and you’ve got a fun hate/hate relationship that’s more compelling to watch than Doctor/Clara one, to be sure.

The Clara Backdown 2015 Edition
Yup, this is exactly why I was ambivalent towards the new season (the fact that it was pushed back to almost October didn’t help). Less than 30 seconds within the same scene as the Doctor and Clara is back to the doe-eyed doofus that I despise. How’s Capaldi’s performance?

Witness Me!
Piss-poor as it turns out. Maybe it’s because Capaldi’s Doctor has suddenly become Smith’s Doctor or maybe it’s because, for a really stupid reason, the Doctor is convinced he’s dying. Also, Moffat? Bubala. We’ve all seen Mad Max, mate. Pull your head out of your plagiaristic arse.

The Ball Sacks
Yaaaaay, Skaro’s baaaaack… Are we going to see the Time War 2: Trouble in Jamaica once Gallifrey reappears? Probably not. I’m mildly interested to see how this plays out because there’s potential here for some fantastic scene but I’m not holding my breath.

The Verdict
Mediocre. Very mediocre. There’s nuggets of goodness here but it’s a little too few and far between for my liking. Probably the weakest season opener since Martha’s first appearance (another story that features a Judoon, strangely) but come back next week and see if the second part of the Season 9 premiere can salvage this story.

Despite how plagiaristic this is and how all of those elements mixed into an hour long CHRISTMAS special could culminate in a festering stew pot of rancid puke, I felt that the episode worked pretty well. It kept me invested, the monsters were scary, Nick Frost was a delight and the danger was all to real from start to finish.

Plot-wise, this is the mind-bendiest episode in a while but ultimately, very easy to follow but still no less entertaining, thanks to the thick atmosphere and excellent performances from the cast (except for those fucking elves.)

Nick Frost brings his trademark charm and wit to a role that could have easily been trite and lacking, well, personality. When you think about people playing Santa Claus, you get all the same tired-ass notes being played; like those same Christmas songs you hear every year. But thankfully, Frost brings his lovable personality and girth and make this Santa one to be remembered. I also love the animosity/begrudging respect between Santa and The Doctor. I really enjoyed sly dig he gives to the Doctor, who visibly seethes at the joke. The rest of the guest cast is solid, if very forgettable, only really being there as damsels.

I think my favourite sequence of the whole episode is when Clara first realises she’s in a dream and is swiping away the words on the blackboard. It’s a very simple editing trick but god damn is it an effective, creative and unnerving shot. I loved it!

In terms of returning cast members, we have Jenna Coleman, reprising her role as Clara and Samuel Anderson as Danny MF-ing Pink! Anderson is a welcome return, no matter how brief or imaginary because he rocks and his character rocks, being the funniest badass in the room. Clara’s return was not unexpected and, for the most part, perfectly fine. There’s resolution to the plot point of them lying to each other in their final goodbye and, thankfully glossed over because of the mortal danger they’re in. The chemistry is still there and that leads me to the biggest twist of an episode with multi-layered dreams.

FUCK RIGHT OFF.

I’m not sure if my mind is fuzzy from the six-pack of Bulmers I’ve drank this evening or my unforgiving rage. As confirmed by the media and this title card, Jenna Coleman is returning to the series, after an absence of NO EPISODES WHATSOEVER for the entirety Season 9. Huuuuurrrrrrrrgh. The Clara Backdown 2015 starts now!

Overall, a very entertaining, if a little a bit of a copy-cat, episode and I was really invested in it until those last two minutes but they’re not enough to turn me off the episode. Did you guys enjoy it? Are you looking forward to Season 9 and the return of Clara? Let me know what you think in the comments below and Merry Christmas to all you lovely people at home and to all a good night.