By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill”

Part 1: Step right up and come on in, here’s where the fun begins.

Those were the words that introduced a block of cartoons that never failed to enlighten and entertain every kid in the 1990’s, The Disney Afternoon. The Disney Afternoon ran from 1990 to 1997, and featured a myriad of cartoons that delivered all the action, adventure, and comedy we needed growing up. This group of shows re- invented such classic Disney characters as Uncle Scrooge, Goofy, and Chip ‘n Dale, as well as introducing us to a whole cast of new ones like Launchpad McQuack, Max Goof, and Gadget Hackwrench. If you’re like me, this block of shows helped define your childhood. The DA was just as big a part of my developing years as Ninja Turtles, Batman, and Power Rangers. It was both kick ass and family friendly, proof that studio driven cartoons can be good when done right. Today in this article, I’m bringing you a Disney Afternoon.

The Disney Afternoon officially came into being on September 10, 1990, though three of its shows (Adventures of the Gummi Bears, DuckTales, and Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers), had debuted some years prior. The three already popular cartoons were repackaged and grouped with TaleSpin, the first cartoon original to the block, and thus the legend was born. The Animation was done by the Australia-based studio Disney Toon Studios (now Walt Disney Television Animation and relocated to Burbank, California). The first four DA shows featured more conservative and soft traditional Disney animation, though later series would be more energetic and cartoony. Also notable among the shows were their incredible theme songs. Each was very catchy, they fit the tone of the show, and did what every theme song should do, get you pumped for the actual show. From Gummi Bears’ majestic and harmonious score, to the jazzy and noir-feel of Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers’ theme, to the mind-bogglingly quirky and freakishly addictive theme that preceded DuckTales, these songs were well constructed and made sure these shows stuck with you for a long while. Also common among the shows was their robust and incredibly talented voice casts. Such greats as Jim Cummings, Bill Farmer, Tress MacNeille, Christine Cavanaugh, Russi Taylor, Rob Paulsen, Jeff Bennett, Corey Burton, and late, greats like Paul Winchell and Dana Hill gave life to the amazing and loveable characters.

In 1991, Darkwing Duck made its debut, pushing Gummi Bears off the line-up. This would become a common practice in this line-up, whenever a new show was added, the oldest show would be bumped off and the rest would be moved up one, a system that looking back was very fair and logical. Goof Troop’s addition in ’92 would move DuckTales off, and 93’s Bonkers would go on to replace Rescue Rangers. Other shows to make their way onto the line-up in one form or another included Gargoyles, Aladdin the Series, Quack Pack, Timon and Pumbaa, The Schnookums and Meat Funny Cartoon Show, Mighty Ducks, and 101 Dalmatians the Series. The Disney Afternoon would continue to air in syndication until the Fall of 1997 when it was removed from the air and its shows played sporadically on Toon Disney. In its run, the block’s individual shows spawned toys, video games, and soundtracks, two feature films, and even a whole attraction and rides at Disneyland.

With that bit of history aside, let’s now look at the individual shows themselves and what made them so damn good.

The Adventures of the Gummi Bears (1985): The first of the DA shows before DA even existed. Gummi Bears, indeed inspired by the candy of the same name, told the story of a group of mystical and anthropomorphic bears called Gummies who drank a special elixir known as Gummiberry Juice that gave them the ability to bounce like rubber, as well as giving super strength to any human that drank it. Thought extinct, a group of seven Gummi Bears (Zummi, Gruffi, Grammi, Sunni, Cubby, Tummy and later Gusto) live in secret and protect the medieval kingdom of Dunwyn from the evil Duke Igthorn and his army of Ogres. Gummi Bears was a breath of fresh air in the dark decade of animation known as the 80’s. It featured an engaging and surprisingly deep story with believable characters. The Gummi’s themselves talked and acted like real people, and had their own unique quirks. Gusto Gummi was my favorite. He was wacky, quick witted, and hilarious, thanks in part to the vocal stylings of Rob Paulsen. The show was rich in fantasy and created a world of wizardry and gadgetry, a world where anything was possible, and served as the inspiration for another show on this block that we’ll get to later. It even had a proper series finale, which sent the series out on a hopeful note. Why this show never spawned a movie I’ll never know.

DuckTales (1987): Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg. All it takes is those words to get that horribly addictive theme song stuck in your head. DuckTales was based off the Uncle Scrooge comics by Carl Barks. It told the adventures of Scrooge McDuck, the richest Duck in the world, as he hunted for treasures and such with his nephews Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and his pilot Launchpad McQuack. DuckTales combined the spirit of Indiana Jones with the whimsy of Disney. Scrooge was a great lead character, crusty and greedy, but honorable and fair. Huey, Dewy, and Louie served as very resourceful sidekicks. But the clear breakout star of the show was Launchpad. A jack-of-all-trades with a million dollar heart and nickel head, with the ability to crash any plane he flies, a skill which he was proud of. DuckTales took us all around the world from African jungles, to the deserts of Egypt, to European country sides. The show was unintentionally teaching us geography while thrilling us with adventures. The show featured a great cast of supporting characters like the inventor, Gyro Gearloose, the superhero Gizmoduck, the bumbling burglars the Beagle Boys, and the nefarious Magica DeSpell and was a staple of kids programming, even spawning the excellent movie Treasure of the Lost Lamp. If the show had one failing, it was that during the final season Launchpad was removed (then starring on Darkwing Duck), and the focus was moved to Scrooge’s accountant Fenton Crackshell and his heroic alter- ego Gizmoduck. The show really lost what made it so good and sadly ended on a low note. Thankfully, the adventures of Scrooge and company continue in the Uncle Scrooge comics which have been rebranded to incorporate the whole DuckTales universe. Everything comes full circle.

Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers (1989): Disney’s chipmunk duo had until then been pretty bland and one-note. Who knew that the key to revamping Chip ‘n Dale was to stick them in a fedora and Hawaiian shirt respectively? CDRR grouped the chipmunk duo with three new characters; Gadget, the bubbly and absent-minded inventor of the group, Monterey Jack, the boastful and seasoned adventurer with a cheese addiction (who was voiced by Optimus Prime himself, Peter Cullen), and Zipper, Monty’s loyal fly sidekick. Together they served as detectives who helped any animal in need, and on occasion came up against Fat Cat, a kitty crime boss, and Professor Nimul, a mad scientist as well as their only human enemy. Rescue Rangers was a fun show all around. The characters all had a great dynamic and played off each other perfectly. Chip ‘n Dale made a great duo, with the former as the serious and straightforward leader and the latter being the playful goofball and the resident comic relief. Also great was the duo competing for the attention of Gadget who was always comically unaware of their affections. The show was great at combining the feel of a 40’s noir detective movie with a 70’s TV cop drama, granted the stories were for kids, but they never felt dumbed down. Another quirk was due to the Rescue Rangers being chipmunks/mice, they used common household items like thimbles, detergent bottles, and rubber bands to make things like planes, televisions, and cars. It was creative and always fun to see, and it was that little quirk that inspired the Gadget Go-Coaster at Disneyland, which, as of time of me writing this, is still there today. CDRR was recently revived in comic book form, its first issue debuting this week. It remains to be seen how well the series will stay true to the source, but I have high hopes.

TaleSpin (1990): TaleSpin was originally conceived as a starring vehicle for DuckTales’ star Launchpad McQuack, but was quickly retooled to feature the characters of the Disney movie The Jungle Book set in the 1930’s with an aeronautical theme. The end result as a show filled with adventure and heart. The show centered on the adventures of Baloo, an ace pilot who works for the air cargo service “Higher for Higher”. Each episode would feature Baloo and his sidekick Kit getting into various adventures, discovering new worlds, and eluding the sky pirates led by the evil Don Karnage, all while trying to deliver their cargo. The show was like DuckTales, with the emphasis on travel and adventure, though the tone of this show was very different, more reminiscent of a 30’s and 40’s adventure serials that came before the movies. It did a good job of utilizing the Jungle Book characters in new roles. King Louie was now just Louie, the owner of a tiki bar/pit stop for pilots and Baloo’s best friend. Shere Khan went from being a ruthless killer to a ruthless, yet somewhat honorable, businessman. Mowgli was replaced by Kit as Baloo’s young companion and surrogate son. Baloo himself remained largely unchanged, still laid back and fun loving. The show also had a strong family aspect with the main characters (Baloo, Kit, Rebecca, and Molly) having a strong bond that gave the show a certain charm the previous shows didn’t have. Not the best show of the line-up, but still genuinely fun and exciting.

Since this one is running long, I’ll continue my look back next time with Darkwing Duck, Goof Troop, Bonkers, Gargoyles, and the rest. Until next time kids…

A brief rest period from ranting to reminisce about the good ol’ days. Or, my top 5 favourite cartoons from the golden age.

-By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill

Here it is, my first “Top Whatever” article for the column. For this one I decided to hop in the Way Back Machine with Peabody and Sherman to take a look back at the Golden Age of Animation. The Golden Age lasted from the 1930s to the early 1960s. This is when all the principles of animation were forged. This is the era of such greats as Chuck Jones, Bob Clampett, Tex Avery, Walt Disney, Ub Iwerks, Max Fleischer, Walter Lantz, and many, many more. This era introduced us to all the cartoon icons that have helped shape pop culture and continue to endear today. Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, Daffy Duck, Popeye, Donald Duck, Betty Boop, Porky Pig, Goofy, Woody Woodpecker, Droopy, Tom and Jerry, Mighty Mouse, Bosko the African American Child…okay not so much Bosko, but you get the idea.

These characters have starred in the greatest and funniest cartoons ever made, and here’s a top five list of my personal favorites. I tried to stay varied and chose from multiple studios, I didn’t want this to be too Warner Bros. heavy. Let’s get it going…

5. Mickey’s Fire Brigade (1935) dir. by Ben Sharpsteen
One of the early Mickey, Donald, and Goofy team-up cartoons. These three usually have great chemistry together and it shows here. This one features the trio trying to extinguish a burning building with hilarious results. A lot works in this cartoon. Great colors, funny Donald butt gags, and an overall fun story.

4. You’re a Sap, Mr. Jap (1942) dir. by Dan Gordon
Politically incorrect right from the title, this one is so wrong, but oh so hilarious. World War II brought about some funny, albeit slightly racist, cartoons and had our cartoon stars fighting the Nazi menace. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, and Popeye all took their jabs at the Nazis, but this one stands out as my favorite. It features Popeye going up against some, forgive the terminology, shifty Japanese sailors. When they push the one-eyed sailor to his limits, Popeye goes nuts on them, singlehandedly tearing through their entire fleet. Great animation and gags make this a much watch…if you’re not easily offended that is.

3. Russian Rhapsody (1944) dir. by Bob Clampett
Never has Hitler been so funny. Another gem from WWII, this one by Bob Clampett features a group of gremlins sabotaging Hitler’s fighter plane. This has some amazing animation that will have you laughing your ass off. Mel Blanc does a fantastic angry and crazy Adolf, and if you’re not laughing in the first minute and a half, you have no soul. You can view Russian Rhapsody here.

2. Deputy Droopy (1955) dir. by Tex Avery and Michael Lah
This one was from the tail end of the Golden era, but it’s still great. It may not be the best Droopy cartoon, but it’s my favorite. The entire premise is lawman Droopy keeping a couple of robbers from stealing a safe by making them make enough noise to wake the sheriff. The ensuing madness is comic gold, with Tex Avery’s signature style in full effect. The cartoon just get’s increasingly crazy as it goes on. The timing and animation are all perfect and the twist ending wraps it up nicely.

1. A Tale of Two Kitties (1942) dir. by Bob Clampett
Hands down, my favorite of all the Looney Tunes cartoons. This cartoon was the debut of Tweety Bird and featured him fending off cat-analogues of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. This cartoon is just wonderful. Everything about this cartoon is spectacular, especially Tweety, who’s portrayed here as sadistic and murderous, constantly toying with these two hungry cats, never giving them an edge, and betting them back even as they constantly up their game. This cartoon never fails to entertain me. Clampett has directed some of the greatest and funniest cartoons of all time, and this is one of his masterpieces.

So there you have it. From Mickey, Donald, and Goofy fighting fires to Popeye fighting those damn dirty Japanazis, the Golden Age of Animation was a time of bold ideas and masterful animation. A more innocent time where a rabbit could dress in drag to seduce a functionally retarded hunter and no one would bat an eyebrow. Ahh, the good old days.

So there you have it. Every time I hear some reviewer gush praise over a new Dreamworks animated flick I have to bury the rage deeper and deeper, less I unleash it on my poor unsuspecting Toshiba. Their stories are boring, their characters are bland, their art style is atrocious, and their animation is the absolute pinnacle of mediocrity. Now, I’m not telling all of you to stop watching their movies. All I’m saying is if you do, you’re just encouraging their crap and I hate you forever.

The true source of the vile hatred churning in my animation gonads finally brought to light. Or, “why I hate Dreamworks animated movies”.

By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill”

I really hate Dreamworks Animation! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t come up with a more eloquent way of starting this piece off. I just really hate them. They represent everything that’s wrong with modern animation, hell, they proudly flaunt it. They have no solid structure, no artistic vision, and no appeal. They’ve made millions of dollars on mediocrity and star power alone. Shrek, Madagascar, Kung-Fu Panda, Bee Movie, movie after movie and every one of them fails to impress. With everyone hyped over “Megamind”, I feel now is as good a time as any to vent. Oh boy howdy am I gonna vent.

Where to start? Well, let’s start at the most important place, the animation. To put it simply, they suck at it. It becomes painfully clear while watching their movies that none of their “animators” are coming from a real animation background. Everything feels very artificial. The characters and the backgrounds feel like they occupy two different planes of existence, never truly blending together in harmony. The final fight scene in “Kung-Fu Panda” really hammers this point home.

As you can see, Po and Tai Lung are supposed to be in this powerful final confrontation, but the two look so floaty and cheap that it comes off more laughable, and not in the way they intended. The posing and staging are way off. There’s no time during this scene where the two characters appear to be in the same place at once, instead feeling like they were awkwardly thrown together in Photoshop. Yes, I know that Disney uses different animators for different characters then adds them together, but the difference there is that Disney had TALENTED ANIMATORS. They knew how to stage each scene so the characters are sharing the same world, not the case here. Not only that, but the camera work is incredibly shoddy. There’s no strong emotional impact, there are close-ups where there don’t need to be close-ups. The lighting is terrible. Nothing is working here. It’s barely above “ReBoot” in quality.

Let’s compare that atrocity to the big fight scene in 2007’s “TMNT”
The fight between Leonardo and Raphael is one of my favorite pieces of CGI animation, and it’s easy to see why. First off: the build up. When we first see Leo he’s up on a rooftop looking down on Raph, blanketed in shadows, giving him an imposing look. There’s an impressive camera pan as Leo leaps from the roof to the ground below to give chase. The animation as Leo and Raph leap through the traffic and back up to the roofs is very fast and fluid, very ninja-like. As the two finally confront each other, their body movements and facial expressions become more and more aggressive and broad as the tension builds. You really get a strong feel that these are two real brothers having a tense argument. Finally: the battle. It’s a spectacle to behold. The two move perfectly in synch, you can feel sharpness of their blades, you can feel the rain beating down on them, you can feel the raw animosity between them. All of this was done on a much smaller budget that that of Kung-Fu Panda’s. Where did all the money go if not on the voice acting? We’ll get to that a little later.

Let’s jump from the animation to the art style. Dreamworks Animation seems to be hell-bent on creating the ugliest characters ever seen in animation. Let’s take a look at a normal character design in animation…

Daffy Duck: Egg-shaped head with large round eyes that fit perfectly in place. Round sausage-shaped body that gives the illusion of a three dimensional figure. Cylindrical arms and legs that can be easily moved in space. Overall look is cartoony, yet believable. It reads strongly, shows personality, and works in animation. It’s a perfect example of solid drawing.

Now, unfortunately, let’s look at a Dreamworks character…
Shrek: Big oval head with way too much detail going on in the face. Beady little eyes that look like they’re trying to steal your soul and replace it with bile from a troll’s corpse. Wide open mouth that’s meant to display some kind of emotion that is currently lost to me. Lumpy mass of clay for a torso and massive arms and legs more complex than they need to be. The design is unappealing and becomes more painful to look at with each passing second.

The design of their characters is confusing. They seem to be in an awkward place where they don’t know whether they want to be cartoony, or go for full realism. As a result, they fall into a little realm known in the animation world as The Uncanny Valley. Dreamworks adds as much detail as they can into the look of their characters, but in turn it just makes them look more and more fake. How’s that possible? Well, to quote animator Peter Lord, “As living breathing people, our senses are so acute that we can sniff a fake a mile off. The closer they get to imitating reality, the more we can sniff a fake. As they get ever closer into reality, tiny things start to loom really large. In copying life, the closer they get – the deeper the chasm”.

Colin, you may be asking, sure that animation may blow Spanish donkeys, but what about the story? Surely their stories make up for it. Well…NO! Dreamworks’ animated movies have the most hackneyed, recycled, predictable plots I’ve ever seen. Sure, Disney got by for years telling the same damn Princess story, but they had solid animation and voice acting to make up for it. I still haven’t seen “How to Train your Dragon”, don’t plan to anytime in this lifetime, but one look of that trailer and I could instantly tell exactly how the movie plays out.

Tell me if I’m wrong…
– We meet the main character. He’s a bit of a dorky loser. Can’t fight but has some quirky skill that will be semi-useful by the end.
– There’s a girl there that he’s got the hots for but is too much of a wimp to get with her.
Meanwhile, she’s a tough, independent chick who doesn’t need a man to stand up for her, but that point will be rendered moot by the final conflict.
– Main loser meets up with one or more loser(s) who help each other to grow while engaging in some wacky antics.
– Then there’s the point where everyone is sad.
– In the final conflict the main loser fights the tough villain, gets kicked around, saves the tough chick who suddenly becomes weak and helpless, then by some miracle the villain is defeated, the tough chick greatly lowers her standards and gets with the main loser. Everyone’s happy, except the audience.

Like I said before, formulaic isn’t always bad, but it needs something special to help set it apart. Great animation, interesting characters, top notch voice acting. Dreamworks has none of these. Their characters are all stock, devoid of any personality. Some may argue with me on this, but keep in mind, character traits and personality are two different things. It’s impossible to care about them when I feel nothing for them. Each character exists not to make an imprint on the audience, but to move the story on. They serve their roles and they’re done, and you’re left wondering why the hell you paid to see the movie.

Finally, we come to my biggest problem with Dreamworks animation. I can forgive the formulaic stories, I can probably look past the crap animation, but the one thing I can’t forgive is their voice casting. Remember when I posed the question “where’s the money going if not on the animation”? Here’s the answer. Dreamworks blows truck-loads of money casting the biggest celebrities they can get to voice their weak characters. Why go for talented voice actors like Rob Paulsen or Phil LaMarr to bring Megamind to life when they can get the wacky shouting stylings of Will Ferrell. Why get a strong voice like that of Daran Norris, John DiMaggio, or Steve Blum to voice Metro Man when they can get an unremarkably bland performance out of Brad Pitt. Dreamworks has been doing this since the start. Instead a crafting a well thought-out character with charm and personality, they go after any A-list celeb they can think of, pull out some stock character they can play, then slap the celeb’s name all over poster so that it completely overshadows everything else about the movie. They don’t hire a voice actor to bring their characters to life, instead they model the characters completely after the actors. Because of that, they become less believable, to the point where you only hear the actor rather than the character. You’re not hearing the characters of Megamind, you’re hearing Will Ferrell, and Brad Pitt, and Tina Fey, and Jonah Hill. They might as well have made the movie as a radio play.

So there you have it. Every time I hear some reviewer gush praise over a new Dreamworks animated flick I have to bury the rage deeper and deeper, less I unleash it on my poor unsuspecting Toshiba. Their stories are boring, their characters are bland, their art style is atrocious, and their animation is the absolute pinnacle of mediocrity. Now, I’m not telling all of you to stop watching their movies. All I’m saying is if you do, you’re just encouraging their crap and I hate you forever.

-By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill

Recently I read an article on the website Cartoonbrew.com, written by animation columnist and historian Amid Amidi. He goes into great detail explaining that, with the rise of the new Discovery network The Hub, we’ve come to the end of the creator-driven era of television animation that has lasted since the 90’s when greats like Bruce Timm, John K., and Mike Judge burst onto the scene. Now, studios prefer only tried-and-true products, shows based off pre-recognizable brands’ properties and re-packaging of classic properties. While that’s smart in a business sense, it’s like a shot in the heart to both established and up-and-coming animators eager to get out there and create something uniquely their own. Amid described this as the death of a creative and innovative period of animation, and while in some respects it kinda is, I see this as more of a temporary setback.

Remember back in the 1980’s, yes I know, that was a loooooooooong time ago, anyone who remembers that period of time must be in a retirement home by now (I kid, I kid, please keep reading, ya old fogeys), the biggest cartoons of the time were shows like G.I. Joe, Transformers, Thundercats, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A lot of us look back fondly on those shows and think of them as shining examples of when cartoons were good, but let’s be honest, they were all crap. Every one of them. There wasn’t one person with a vision driving those shows, they were controlled entirely by both the studios producing it and the toy companies banking on it. It was a really dark period for animation. Original material came few and far between and any that did show up was mostly under the radar. Animation didn’t have the same prestige it had back in the golden era, and therefore wasn’t seen as all that profitable on its own. It wasn’t until the early 90’s when the sudden boom in animation happened, that we started to see original material from talented animators who saw an opportunity and went for it. John K. and “Ren and Stimpy”, Genndy Tartakovsky and “Dexter’s Laboratory”, Savage Steve Holland and “Eek the Cat”, Joe Murray and “Rocko’s Modern Life”, the list goes on. Granted, it started to die down by the mid 2000’s, leading us to where we are now. Basically what I’m trying to say is history is repeating itself.

Look at The Hub’s original programming; G.I. Joe Renegades, Strawberry Shortcake’s Berry Bitty Adventures, Transformers: Something-or-other, My Little Pony: Sparkling Gay Rainbow Orgy. Not to mention there will soon be retreads of Voltron, Thundercats, and Ninja Turtles, all with toy lines sure to accompany it. This is a return to the 30 minute toy commercials that once made up the Saturday morning cartoon. Also, we’ll soon be seeing cartoon adaptations of Kung-Fu Panda, Green Lantern, and Napoleon Dynamite, all to cash in on familiar franchises. We’ve gone back to that period of time were studios are only looking to use what they’re sure will work. What we’re seeing seems like a return to the dark ages of animation, a return to the bland and the uninspired. But fear not, for I see some vestiges of hope.

While it’s true the creators movement has died down considerably, it’s not totally gone. Cartoon Network, who played a huge role in the 90’s introducing us to new animators like Genndy, Craig McCracken, Van Partible, and John Dilworth through the “What a Cartoon! Show”, continues to keep that same spirit alive. Granted they have been pushing more live-action programming, but the success of those has allowed them to produce more original programming like J.G. Quintel’s “Regular Show”, C.H. Greenblatt’s “Chowder”, Pendleton Ward’s “Adventure Time”, and the animation group Man of Action with “Generator Rex” and the “Ben 10” franchise. Not to mention Genndy Tartakovsky’s “Sym-Bionic Titan” to which I gave a glowing review in the previous column. While some of these shows haven’t exactly been masterpieces, they’re proof that there is still some life in creator driven works. Will they reach the heights that shows like Powerpuff Girls and Ed, Edd, n Eddy reached? Maybe/maybe not. Whether or not they have that same appeal is up to audience, who I trust is still showing their support.

Amid goes on to say that the future of animation lies in the independent circuit. Indeed with such new venues as YouTube and the growing number of animation festivals, rising animators are able to showcase their individual talents and make a name for themselves among their peers. Though, while I fully support the independents, I do hope to see some crossover into the mainstream. There are a lot of talented animators out there that deserve as wide an audience as possible. I’m currently studying animation at Santa Monica College, and I’m surrounded by this pool of talent, just waiting to start tearing it up in the big leagues.

Animation went through a dark period in the 70’s and 80’s, and what happened? We saw a wave of new talent pull us out of that and into a great era of animation. Currently things are starting burn out, but like a Phoenix (not Jean Grey), I predict that we’ll soon see a new era of talented animators producing original material for the next generation to become inspired by. Animation is an amazing art form, we can’t let it be corrupted by imagination-starved studio execs who can’t draw stick figures. I didn’t write this to tear down Amid Amidi’s article. As I‘ve said, he makes a lot of good points and for the most part I agree with him. However, I’m trying to look at this through more hopeful eyes. Things look bleak for now, but soon, all will be well.

Here’s the link to the article that inspired this, by the way.

By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill”

I stopped caring about TV animation back in 2006, when Justice League Unlimited ended. To me that was the last truly entertaining cartoon left on television. I didn’t think anything else could live up to it, and frankly I didn’t think they were trying. The quality of television animation has never really been amazing but it seemed like they were making the best with what they had, but around the 70’s things really went downhill. But in the 1990’s there came a resurgence in quality. A new generation of animators emerge to break the mold and started putting out some innovative works that took what came before and molded it into something fresh for a new viewing audience. Guys like John Kricfalusi, Craig McCracken, Bruce Timm, Joe Murray, David Feiss, Danny Antonucci, and Genndy Tartakovsky, the man behind such master works as Dexter’s Laboratory, Samurai Jack, and Star Wars: Clone Wars (the only good thing to come out of those abysmal prequels), who’s the subject of today’s article. We’re taking a look at his new cartoon, Sym-Bionic Titan.

Sym-Bionic Titan tells the story of two teens, Lance and Ilanna, and their robot helper Octus. Ilanna is the princess of her homeworld Galaluna, that is currently under siege by a powerful general named Modula. With Lance and Octus as her protectors, the three flee to Earth and attempt to blend into our society. However, Modula is aware of their escape and continually sends giant alien creatures to hunt them down and destroy them. Fortunately for them, Lance and Ilanna are equipped with powerful cybernetic armor that they can summon at will. When the threats escalate, the two of them along with Octus form the mighty Sym-Bionic Titan, a giant robot warrior controlled by their minds.

The show is obviously a throwback to the many “teens with giant robots” shows we all remember like Voltron and Robotech, but that’s no reason to write it off. The show is something uni

quely its own, and that’s thanks to Genndy’s animation style. Genndy is able to take the simplest designs and turn them into cinematic epics with his amazing use of color, lighting, camera angles, sound, and timing, and it’s all in full display here. The highly stylized look of the characters allows for fluid animation, and for a cartoon that features lots of action, that’s a good thing. I’m normally not big on the use of CG in 2D animated shows, but here, it’s not heavily relied upon, pretty much saved only for the Titan and vehicle animations. It actually blends well with environments and isn’t jarring like in the vast majority of cartoons that use it these days. The character designs range from very basic, to highly exaggerated. The exaggeration is thankfully used in moderation, and only in the most appropriate places, usually for humorous purposes or extreme bouts of emotion.
The storyboarding for the show is genius. Not one shot goes to waste, each frame telling the story so beautifully, words would only cheapen it. Genndy and his crew know how to shoot action, as shown in his previous work, and it’s always stunning to watch. Dramatic camera placing, strong lighting and well timed sound and music are blended together to create scenes that rival that of any live action movie. The stylized look also allows them to get away with some pretty gruesome moments that would otherwise be censored, such as in episode 5 where Titan rips an alien’s arm off and punches right through its body, killing it.

The characters play off each other nicely. Lance, the body of Sym-Bionic Titan, is brooding, aggressive, cautious, dark, and protective. Ilanna, the heart, is cheery, warm, naïve, compassionate, and brave. Octus, the mind, is meticulous, inquisitive, observant, and…well…robotic. Much of the show’s conflict comes not just from the monsters, but from Lance and Ilanna’s conflicting personalities and ideals, as well as the trio’s attempts to adjust to Earth culture. The voice acting is really good. Kevin Thoms and Tara Strong who voice the two main teens perform their roles effectively. John DiMaggio, who’s damn near everywhere in animation these days, continues to be John DiMaggio, no surprises there. Brian Posehn plays Octus. His voice took a while to get used to, being very monotone, but now I see how well it fits the character he plays.

The show is only five episodes in as of the time I’m writing this and each episode has been better than the last. Its got a strong story, great characters, and possibly the best animation on TV today. New episodes can be seen Fridays on Cartoon Network, as a part of the new action block they have going, and it definitely stands out among them as the best looking. It’s a true treat for animation fans and I’m encouraging everyone to give it a watch.

By Colin “Ballsmonkey” Hill”

In 1996 I went to see a movie called “Space Jam”. Trailers for it made the movie look like a fun, nutty, adventure that teams Michael Jordan, the greatest Basketball player of the time, with the Looney Tunes, the greatest cartoon characters ever created. I must have seen that movie three or four times, I loved every minute of it. Why? Because I was young and dumb. Space Jam was a complete bastardization of everything Chuck Jones, Bob Clampett, Friz Freleing, and Robert McKimson worked so hard to create. It took the characters that made them famous and turned them into a 90-minute long Nike commercial, hiring writers who have obviously never watched a cartoon in their life and had them rip the very soul out of Bugs Bunny and the crew and present us with pale imitations of their former selves.

Space Jam is a prime example the studio executives have no business handling cartoon characters. Sadly it wouldn’t be the last example…enter Yogi Bear.

This cinematic bile is the latest in a string of live action/CGI hybrids based off famous cartoon characters. Why not just do them in regular animation like they should be? Because audiences don’t wanna see that crap! Why look at appealing, well constructed, and unique cartoon characters when we can watch horrifying, mutant, abominations against God for two hours. Seriously, I don’t know what these dingbats are thinking but here’s a newsflash, not everything translates well into live action. Alvin and the Chipmunks, Garfield, Scooby Doo, not a single one of them bear even a resemblance to their animated counter parts, instead they look like the end result of a doomed lab experiment to create a new scent of Axe deodorant.

Hollywood has tried for years to pull off cartoon characters in the real world, and it’s always failed. They try to make the characters and tweak them with real world proportions and sensibilities, but they always come out looking like a hideous, shambling mockery of they once were. One look at them and you don’t wanna hug them, you wanna kill them fire (see Alvin and the Chipmunks, Garfield, Dino in the Flinstones movie, and Transformers for prime examples). With 2000’s Rocky and Bullwinkle they tried to keep the classic cartoon look, but in the end it just looked awkward in the real world background. Look, the reason these characters work in animation…is because it’s animation! You’re creating this world for these characters to exist in, and you believe it, because there’s nothing off putting about it. Trying to take those characters and adapt them to the real world will always result in failure because they weren’t meant for this world. Even human characters tend to look awkward and bland, like the Flinstones, they take the creativity out of them and just make them look like everyone else. It’s just not fun. With the Yogi Bear movie it looks like they didn’t know whether to go fully real or cartoony and the end result looks like an acid trip by Joe Barbera.

Speaking of which, if Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera were alive today, what would they say about this? They’d say they love it and fully support this because around the 1970’s thy really stopped caring. That presents another problem, there’s no one around anymore in a position to step up and say no. These beloved characters are sadly forever at the mercy of soulless monkeys-in-suits who have made it their mission to destroy imagination and originality and profit off of the remains. While he couldn’t stop them, I at least applaud Chuck Jones for not supporting that travesty that was Space Jam. Now who’s left?

I really don’t know why people pay to see these movies, (and by the way, I put most of the blame on the audience, because it’s your fault Hollywood is making these, you’re demanding them, you’re paying for the tickets, you’re not telling them to stop, you’re just as much to blame). They can’t think their getting the same thing they would watching the cartoons, because they’re not. What they’re getting is a writer’s twisted idea of what these characters are like, and worse, these movies go on for over an hour. How the hell do you take a six minute cartoon, stretch it out into an hour, and expect to get a good result? By the look of the trailer I can’t make out a distinguishable story, it just looks like a bunch of gags strung together, which isn’t really a bad thing, the Yogi Bear cartoons were just a series of gags, but the clear difference, the cartoon wasn’t over an hour long! And a certain point, that stuff will get old, and without an interesting story to hold the viewers interest, they’ll give up on it midway. But that’s beside the point.

Look, I like that Warner Bros is utilizing it’s large back-lot of cartoon characters and getting them back into the mainstream, but this is the worst possible way to do it. Kids back in 1996 weren’t seeing the Looney Tunes when they watched Space Jam, they were watching this unfunny, obnoxious, fake cartoon characters that were trying to pass themselves off as cartoon characters. Kids that went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks weren’t seeing the Alvin, Simon, and Theodore we grew up loving, no, they were seeing three little autotuned mutants. Alvin didn’t even wear his trademark red hat for christsakes. These characters are being put in the hands of writers and producers who don’t know dick about what it takes to make a cartoon work. Sad part is there are plenty of people today that do, but aren’t being given a shot. If Warner Bros wants to bring back the Hanna Barbera characters, there are better ways. Guys like CraigMcCracken and Gendy Tartakovsky are perfectly capable of making something truly worth seeing. They’ve successfully taken Hanna Barbera’s original system and molded it into their own, and have made truly amazing pieces of animation with it. Give them Yogi Bear, give them the money, give them the go-ahead, and they could produce a series of new, funny, beautiful looking Yogi Bear cartoons that kids can watch.

Make no mistake about this series, though, when you start reading it. No character is safe and you’re going to need quite a lot of comforting after some of the more gruesome points. You have been warned.

Yogi Bear won’t be the last to be tarnished by these monsters. Tom and Jerry are next up on the chopping block, and George Lopez and Mike Meyers are all ready to leave their wretched unfunny marks upon Speedy Gonzales and Pepe Le Pew respectively. Not even the greatest cartoon star of all time, Bugs Bunny, is safe. People, there’s a simple way to stop all this, just don’t go. Don’t take you kids to see it, don’t go out of curiosity, and don’t even go for the sole purpose of mocking it. If you stop watching it, they’ll stop making it. But alas that’ll never happen. Kids are stupid; they’ll eat this stuff up, and then realize later what a mistake they made. At this point I’d rather the characters just sit in the WB vaults and collect dust rather than be exploited like this, at least in the vaults they’d keep their dignity.