The 1000th episode of RAW was aired this past week, and as per usual Vince turned it into equal parts car crash and joyous entertainment. I won’t go into a full break down of the episode but I would like to talk about the moments that stuck out for me. Overall, it was a decent show, nothing more, but it was a “kitchen sink” sort of broadcast with so many crazy parts that it deserves some mention.

As always when reviewing a show like this, if you haven’t seen it yet, there be spoilers a-hoy-hoy:

The DX Reunion

The sad state of Sean Waltman’s physical and psychological appearance aside, I was super happy to see the team back on screen. I have a huge soft spot in my heart for Billy Gunn, he was one of my favourite wrestlers growing up. Road Dogg is a guy who has turned a corner in his life and seems to be on the straight and narrow now, which is wonderful, and appears to still have a lot of skill on the mic even though he didn’t get a huge opportunity to show it off that night.

You could really tell the guys were having a lot of fun. With HHH’s wise-crack about everyone’s hairline to the butt-joke skit afterwards, it was definitely a party atmosphere when they were around. And with X-Pac’s madness aside, you could see how much it meant to the New Age Outlaws to be in a WWE ring again. And damn it, it meant a lot to me too, to see them there.

The Sonic advertisement.

I hope the King was sufficiently embarrassed.

Mae Young’s Hand-son.

Genuinely, I think this was a stroke of comedic genius. And if you’re too young to remember what this is in reference to, then you’re too young for me to explain it. But don’t worry, you don’t want to know. I wish I could forget.

This almost made the therapy worth it. Almost.

Dude Love’s entrance was longer than Brodus Clay’s match

That is all.

I’m really getting tired of squash matches. 

Lita… Wow. Yay APA.

In the words of Farooq “…damn!”. Lita still has it. All of it. And I like it. Yup.

I’ve kind of made a promise to myself not to make misogynistic comments online. So I’ll stop talking about Lita except to say that it’s a shame she is no longer with the WWE as she was a good talent in the ring and could genuinely wrestle.

I got a thrill seeing the APA back on TV too. That clothesline-from-hell still looks as crazy as it always did. God damn, that always looks like it hurts.

The Punk Heel Turn.

You know, there was rumours of Cena doing it which I dismissed off the bat. When the Rock challenged “the champion” to a match at the Royal Rumble, I figured it meant Cena would win the belt that night, which did nothing as a theory but make me sad, however it seemed logical that they would set up a Cena/Rock rematch. I was also convinced that Cena would win this one because to make him the first Money In The Back winner to not became champion, ON TOP OF making Cena lose on this big show… well I’m just shocked that this all happened. So well played WWE, well played.

So if a heel turn means Punk is still the champion… I’ll take it. I look forward to see what he comes up with.

Oh and before I forget…

…I, for one, welcome our new overlord.

Welcome to the first in what will surely be semi-regular opinion articles about WWE wrestling. I’ve been a long time fan (since I was about 6 years old) but lost interest in the late 00s due to some terrible product management on behalf of the WWE. But now, much like many other wrestling fans of my generation, I’ve come back with a renewed interest and enthusiasm thanks to the high-profile exploits of a Mr. CM Punk.

The positives (and negatives) of CM Punk will be delved into on another occasion but for now I’d like to talk about something that has been on my mind lately and that’s intro music. Some work, some don’t and the ones that don’t can really kill the atmosphere.

The idea of intro music isn’t a new one but for some reason there has been a big emphasis placed on them in the last decade or so now that WWE have been releasing the songs for download. You’ll see the little symbol pop-up in the bottom left corner of your screen when the wrestlers walk out to the ring. Buy, buy, buy! But the thing is, they shouldn’t be just songs to be played in the background. They should be battle cries. They’re not just to anounce the arrival of the athlete but to make the crowd pop with the knowledge that s*** is about to get real.

For example, WWE are pushing Randy Orton really hard right now. And for some inexplicable reason, the crowd is going nuts for him. I don’t know how he gets away with having only 5 moves and John Cena gets crucified for it, but I guess that’s another day’s rant. When Orton walks out to the ring, what does he walk out to? The most emo whiney thing I’ve ever heard.

The guy is apparently “the apex predator” but with this song the only thing he’s a predator for is 16 year old girls. I wouldn’t trust Orton around any teenage girls by the way, with or without this song in existence. That may be off topic, but I’m just saying, we’ve all thought it.

I could go on about why certain songs are bad and can often have the impact of a wet sock on the crowd but I’d rather focus on the great ones. The ones that pump up the crowd. Get people excited. Puts everyone in the mood for some butt whipping.

While Christian currently has an insufferable song to walk out to right now, there was a time when his intro music made me smile from ear to ear.

When Christian turned heel against his long time tag partner Edge in 2001 this was his intro music and it did everything it needed to do. Make a ridiculous anouncement, and then let the guy walk to the ring to a headbanging guitar riff. This is a motif that wrestling intros did for a long time and did WELL. For example…

Bret Hart was a man who did his talking in the ring and suitably his intro had no words also. But that guitar wail at the start is instantly recognisable to any wrestling fan of that era and still to this day makes me want to stand up and cheer.

Nobody is really listening after the first 10 seconds or so because the crowd is supposed to be drowning out the music with their cheers/boos and the commentary team should be telling us that business just picked up so to have a bunch of lyrics seems redundant.

To emphasis the “nobody really listens after the wrestlers come out” point…

D-Generation X was the WWE’s answer to the NWO and was captivating television. Their entrance on the words “break it down” was theatrical. The 25 second build up was just gravy. It was teasing the crowd. Getting them ready. And it worked like a charm. It was hard not to mark out for the faux Rage Against The Machine theme.

I’m telling you folks, they don’t make them like this anymore…

If you’re not looking for the nearest rope to rattle and pushing imaginary things over your head, you’re either born after 1990 or dead inside. FACT.

These days, it’s hard to get a big pop from the crowd when wrestlers come out to the ring. I don’t know if it’s ennui, cynicism or just a general lack of connection with them. Either way, I’m sure getting rid of the crappy emo rock that’s accompanying them wouldn’t hurt.