Butt Championship.

Fatal 4-Way.

Tables/Ladders/Chairs.

Part 2

DJ as Dolph Ziggler, the reigning champion.

Kasey as Triple H because he’s a total jerkbutt, like Triple H

Joey as Chris Jericho. I’m not sure why.

Mike as Brock Lesnar because he recognized him and didn’t know any better.

We still just dick around and aren’t actually reviewing the game. We’re good at this.

JJ and his amazing friend Elizabeth are back this week to talk about the project they just finished. Well, that is the idea, but conversation being what it is, it takes on a life of it’s own. Movies are discussed, books and the chicks that buy books are examined, and JJ wonders what is the stupidest river. Then when Elizabeth shares a story of sexism that happened at her gym, not only is JJ’s mind blown, but the duo begin to wonder if there is any hope for us to all just get along.

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It’s that time again. The big show. Not him, Wrestlemania. My predictions last year were damn near perfect. The only winner I got wrong was Rock/Cena, but considering that was the big shock of the night, I’m OK with missing just one. Can my accuracy continue?

These are the announced matches at the time of writing this article. Considering there is no Diva’s title or US title match on the card 5 days before the show says a few things but I’m sure there’ll be last minute matches for both on the night.

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. The Miz (Interactive Pre-Show Match)

The rumble in the pre-show! Nobody really cares about this match so it’s not too surprising it’s a YouTube only event. Although if that was the rule, half of these matches would be on the pre-show instead of the PPV. That being said, Barrett versus Miz being off the Pay-Per-View also locks in it’s inevitability. They won’t change belts like that.

Winner: Wade Barrett
Via: Pin-fall

Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins

This could have been a bigger deal. They genuinely could have made me care about this one. Rhodes Scholars are great on the mic and in the ring. The team of Albert/Tensai/Sweet Tea and Brodus Clay are… good in the ring? But at the very least, the Bella Twins are back and the Funkadactyls aren’t too bad. There is enough going on to make it fascinating. But it has taken a back seat to all the other crap going on. It probably should have been saved for another, less part-timer heavy night. Oh well.

Winner: Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls
Via: The medium of dance

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

Chris Jericho is an excellent servant to the WWE. He has no ego. His last couple of years have seen him job to everyone and yet somehow still remain popular and hasn’t lost any of his reputation.

Fandago is… well, he makes me laugh at the very least. This match is going to be his first one (as this character, watchers of NXT will be familiar the the wrestler under his previous name) and the standard rule is you don’t lose your debut match. They may dirty the ending to keep Jericho strong but this is definitely going to Faaaaahn-daaaaaahng-goooooooooooooo.

Winner: Fandango
Via: DQ?

WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston

Lots of people are expecting Wrestlemania to be the home of the dissolution of Team Friendship. I don’t think we’re quite there yet and I definitely don’t think they’re going to give the titles to this newly made team.

Am I disappointed we’re not seeing the Prime Time Players in the match? Hell yes. But having these four men in the ring should still result in a great match. Silver linings.

Winner: Team Hell No
Via: Pin-fall

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Ryback has lost a lot of matches lately at PPVs. He’s still one of creative’s favourite guys and I’m sure they’d love to give him the big win here. Henry has been around long enough that a loss here wouldn’t hurt him as much. I’m sure they’d love to have the spectacle of Ryback giving his finisher to the massive Henry too. This one is locked in.

Winner: Ryback
Via: Eating

Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show vs. The Shield

This is the only match that I’m undecided about. This could really go either way. Orton and Sheamus have already lost to the Shield, so logic would tell me that it will reverse and Shield will lose in this rematch. The adding to Big Show could either turn him face again or he could stay heel and cost them the match.

So many variables but I’m going to go with my heart on this one. Believe in The Shield!

Winner: The Shield
Via: Count-Out, possibly?, maybe, I don’t know

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

You know what? Everyone has it nailed on that Swagger is going to win this one. And he just might. Momentum seems to be on his side and it all seems to be going that way. But I’m going to make my boldest predicition of the night. Yes. I think it will finally happen. Ziggler is going to cash in the case. And I will explode with joy.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Via: Cashing It In

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred Match; If Lesnar wins, Triple H must retire)

And here starts the slow decent into boredom. The next three matches are so obvious it hurts. HHH will win. No doubt. No worries.

Winner: HHH
Via: Pin-fall

The Undertaker vs. CM Punk

The streak will not end. As much as I’d love to see it happen. As interesting as it would be. It’s just not happening. Just try to enjoy the ride.

Winner: The Undertaker
Via: Inevitability

WWE Champion The Rock vs. John Cena

The part-timer will drop the belt and go back to his real job. Cena will once again be the superman on the block and we can all leave and go cry into our corn flakes.

Winner: John Cena
Via: Sigh…

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Those are my picks. If you want to share your own leave them in the comments and we’ll see how we all get on after Sunday night. Good luck!