Man, it feels like an ice age since I last covered this show… So much so that I actually needed that recap to remind me where we were with the current arc. Hell, I even forgot who Vijay Nadeer was until I looked it up after the show finished.

But yeah! It’s a brand new world where HYDRA rules and Inhumans are persona non gratis and all the character we know and love are assholes! Yaaaaay! The episode title What If… comes from a series of Marvel books that explore alternate Earths where the stories you know didn’t turn out like the should, hence we have this alternate Earth where HYDRA revealed itself early and became the world’s security task force. Should make for some interesting scenarios!

Did I say interesting? I meant awkward as fuck! Brett Dalton returns as Grant Ward and I hate his stupid, handsome face already because in a total reverse of the real world, this Ward is the GOOD GUY! Still, at least Daisy’s awkward love life isn’t as bad as Jemma being buried alive! Tough break, Simmons.

Hell, Simmons probably gets it the worst this episode. She has to dig herself out of her own grave, is on the run from HYDRA, fails at persuading Coulson he’s in a simulation and, while not currently aware of it, lost Fitz to Madame Hydra aka AIDA! The girl just can’t catch a break.

While we don’t see everyone, we do get the majority and some interesting lore about this world, like the Cambridge Incident, where the Inhuman girl May saved killed a bunch of people and lead to the rise of HYDRA. I wonder what this Alt-Earth’s version of the Avengers is like…

We end the episode with Daisy confronting Coulson and breaking through the programming enough that Coulson knows her name. That’s a good start to a really interesting plot line and we’ll be seeing more next time when we analyze Identity and Change.

(Quick note to Flash Facts readers; the review for Abra Kadabra will be up later this week, don’t worry!)

Okay, I think this has to be the best season finale Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has had. I mean, it’s had it’s rocky spots this season but it wasn’t as bland as last season and the episodes we’re looking at today — Absolution and Ascension — wraps up the season pretty damn perfectly.

Before we get into the meat and potatoes, let’s lighten the mood a little and talk about some of the lighter moments. The episodes are pretty intense over all and I’m glad that there’s some good comedy beats throughtout the episode, whether it’s FitzSimmons being adorkable or Coulson quoting Star Wars or even Holden Radcliffe just following people around to be helpful. There’s still fun to be had here and I’m so thankful for that.

Round of applause for Chloe Bennett and Brett Dalton, everyone. This pair brought their fucking A-GAME to this two-parter and really brought their characters to the forefront. Chloe’s performance of, essentially, a recovering addict/abused spouse/victim is damn strong and after the shock twist of her wanting Hive to take her back then the reverse-twist that he can’t… Well, Daisy and Hive’s fight is one of the most entertaining and interesting the show has had in a while.

Chekhov’s Shotgun Axe makes it’s first glorious appearance and I marked out super-hard. It’s beautiful.

Hive’s true form looks incredible! Definitely on par with the excellent creature design we’ve seen in Guardians of The Galaxy and looks very much like a more refined, charismatic version of his comic book counterpart. Brett Dalton’s performance is easily the highlight here, playing a deranged gestalt consciousness to perfection and, even in his final moments, even a little sympathetic. This should be the last of Dalton we see and while it’ll be sad to see him go, at least he went out with a bang.

Oh, and Lincoln too, I suppose. I had a little chuckle to myself when I realised that the cross and jacket was being passed around like pass the bloody parcel with the ultimate prize being a big damn heroic sacrifice. There’s definite shades of Captain America: The First Avenger as Lincoln and Daisy share an emotional goodbye that’s about as cliché as it gets.

In a surprise move, we quickly jump six months into the future to see that Daisy, now under the codename Quake me up inside (I can’t Quake up), has gone rogue and is clearly not abiding by the Sokovia Accords and is now being hunted by SHIELD under the orders of a new director. That’s got to be Maria Hill, right? She’s the only viable choice.

And in the stinger, we see Radcliffe celebrate the birth of a Life Model Decoy body for his AI secretary, AIDA. It’s awesome that LMD’s are finally going to become part of the SHIELD show going forward and Radcliffe’s involvement is a good pull since he’s nice and obscure but with a background with robotics. AIDA is also obscure as she is the AI created by Tom Thumb of the Squadron Supreme (Marvel’s thinly-veiled proxy of the Justice League) and gives us a real hint at what we may be seeing next season.

Between an intense finale and the promise of manhunts and androids in the next season, Absolution and Ascension are easily the best episodes this season has had and while we wait for the next season, we can look forward to more Agent Cart-ah… Well how about some Most Want-oh yeah, that’s not been picked up. I guess we’ll have to wait for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. to return and for that Cloak and Dagger show to materialise. Catch you guys soon!

Paradise Lost is an odd duck — balancing the progression of plot while taking a healthy amount of time to explore the mysteries behind the Malick family. It’s all good stuff it just feels… wedged together because the writers couldn’t really put it anywhere else.

On the plus side, Mack’s back! Yaaaay, now we get to hear his dulcet, bass-y bitching again! He doesn’t get much to do on the mission of the day; infiltrating a HYDRA compound and extracting Giyera. I gotta say that the fight between Ming-Na Wen and Mark Dacascos is a treat; mainly because it’s a Salty Bet-level fight between Chun-Li from Street Fighter: The Movie and Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat: Legacy!

Speaking of reunions, Lincoln and Daisy peel off from the main group in search of James, a would-be Inhuman who was banished by Jiaying for stealing from Afterlife’s archives. Why do I bring up this seeming no-name, one-shot character? Because it’s not the first time Luke Mitchell (Lincoln) and Axle Whitehead (James) have worked together. While Axle might be well known to American audiences for his role in Shameless; I know them both from their tenure co-starring on Australian soap opera Home and Away. Axle dials up his accent to 11, which sounds ridiculous but it’s nice to see two mates working together again.

Over in the house that HYDRA built, HiveWard is making himself at home in Malick’s house, his daughter being especially enamoured with their guest. After the revelation of his true form, HiveWard taunts Gideon with a ghost from his past; his brother whom had been manipulated into being a sacrifice for the monolith. It’s cool to see Brett Dalton flex his acting chops as he switches personalities before going full villain and killing Gideon’s daughter with a kiss, firmly putting the old dog in his place.

Giyera breaks free aboard Zephyr One and runs amok, taking down the team and hijacking the bus with his abilities. May manages to send out a distress beacon but with most of the team onboard, who can she turn to? Who else but the team she has been putting together since the start of the season; The Secret Warriors! Yoooooo!

As serviceable as Paradise Lost is, the thought of a full house of Inhumans cowboying up to save SHIELD has got me hype so I’ll see you guys next week when The Team assembles!

The second episode  kicks off in a big way as the team rush to Fitz’s side as he keeps screaming at the monolith. His desperation is at it’s zenith but just as he begins to lose hope, he finds what he needs and when he calls, the team answers. It’s great to see the team so focused.

While Andrew returns to assess the new Inhuman, we get a look at what May has been doing and she’s been playing golf with her dad! It’s cute to see a Mulan reunion on-screen but, seriously, it’s nice to see more of May’s past. Her childhood love of ice-skating, her dad calling her Millie (or Mellie, James Hong’s accent is thick) and how protective she is of her family.

Peter MacNicol makes a return as the affable Asgardian, Elliot Randolph, who busts out of jail to help the team. After a little coercion from Phil, naturally. He’s a welcome addition to the team for the episode.

There’s also some adventure with the delightful dickbag that is Grant Ward and Brett Dalton is killing it as usual. A bit weird to see him recruiting Baron Von Strucker’s son into his new Hydra but will that lead to more children of villains? Will we see Victor Mancha, the son of Ultron?

Obviously, the biggest plot point for this episode is Fitz and Simmons. Two of my favourite moments result from this and I’ll share them with you.

Fitz didn’t even flinch! I love that.

The actual mission to rescue Simmons is a bally shambles, between using rickety old tech and Fitz going full Big Damn Hero and leaping into the portal himself and I have to admit that I was sceptical that we’d see Simmons, let alone that she’d actually be saved but with the help of Daisy pushing herself to breaking point, we get a happy reunion.

That’s the face of a man who spit in the face of common sense, science and the whole goddamn universe to save the woman he loves. Pure joy. Now we await the fallout because Simmons will no doubt be suffering PTSD. Maybe the worst is yet to come but for now, I’ll leave Hunter to channel the audience’s feelings.

Purpose in the Machine is a great follow-up to the season premiere, re-establishing the status quo for the team and giving plenty of hints to what we can expect soon.