I’m in this pic, just barely offscreen. Trust me.

That movie is Equestria Girls.

I have to preface this with two very big points. One, for the majority of the 72-minute feature My Little Pony film, all the characters are human (with the exception of one, who is a dog). And two, when fans first got wind of this, there was a SHITSTORM.

This pretty much sums up the reactions.

Think about it: you have a magical world where ponies go on adventures, and then suddenly for no sensical reason, we turn them into teenagers in a high school setting. Who wouldn’t be a little apprehensive? Okay, the reason was to compete with the likes of rival company Mattel’s popular Monster High line of dolls. But still! Why not create a new series based in high school from the onset rather than drag a series with a huge fan base that has nothing to do with high school into it? Well, that’s it, right there. There’s a huge fan base consisting of mostly older viewers, some in high school. So why not go after the guaranteed sell?

Just… just don’t look directly at them.

BUT for review purposes, I won’t be focusing on the business end of it, because it somehow (like the show, which was initially made to sell toys) manages to transcend the marketing ploy. This film features the talents of the team at DHX Media, who creates the regular pony show, as well as the writing of Friendship is Magic head writer Meghan McCarthy. Since the trailer was first released, and this fact was made known, it put a lot of people’s minds at ease, myself included.

Theater Experience

The showing we went to was sold out, and the crowd was amazing. People came from all over, and the audience ranged from little kids to geeky adults with no kids. Even though our group was big, it only made up a fraction of the theater. It was fun to Brony-spot outside before the showing.

Inside there was much laughter, clapping, oooos, ahhhhs, dancing in seats, and a few “What the hell?!”s as the film’s plot unfolded. My favorite audience moment happened toward the end when (*SLIGHT SPOILER*) the villain wields a sledgehammer and for two seconds it looks like she’s about to use it on Spike (*SLIGHT SPOILER OVER*), which caused someone from the back to yell out “JAYSUS!”

I’m not saying it was entirely appropriate for “What the hell?” or “JAYSUS!” to be uttered in an audience comprised of one-third little kids (and I don’t encourage it), but it was funny nonetheless.

Overall, it was probably the most fun I’ve had in a theater for a while. And those kinds of experiences where the audience is totally involved in every step of the movie are exceedingly rare.

The Actual Movie

I know I said I wasn’t going to focus on the business end of it, but I kind of wish Hasbro had just marketed it as The Friendship is Magic Movie (set in an alternate universe) instead of its own separate thing. Because that’s basically what it is; a proper movie based on the show, which is exactly what I wanted. And boy, it didn’t disappoint.

It opens shortly after the close of the third season, wherein Twilight Sparkle, the unicorn main character of the show, has been transformed into an Alicorn Princess (a pony with both wings and horns who possesses incredible magic powers). She is at the Equestrian capitol of Canterlot, fretting over both her new responsibilities and new wings to her Dragon assistant Spike. In the night, her magical crown is stolen, which leads to a chase that ends with the perpetrator going through a mysterious mirror portal.

“I don’t have fingers yet, but TAKE ONE OF THESE!”

Celestia (the Equestrian ruler) tells Twilight that she alone must journey to the world through the mirror and retrieve her crown, or else the Elements of Harmony (Okay. I’m not going explain every single thing from the show or we’ll be here forever. Let’s just say they’re important, alright?) will have no power in their world, leading to all sorts of catastrophe.

“Your friends can’t come with you because Plot Device.”

On the other side, she finds she is a new and unfamiliar being called a human, and the place she appears in front of is Canterlot High School. And so our story begins!

Bring on the humans!

What I Thought

On the whole, the film is low-key, letting the story unfold through character interactions, with the occassional musical numbers, and an action montage. Normally with direct-to-video (which I’m not sure technically applies in this case) feature-length films based on tv shows for kids, there are a bunch of pointless scenes that play out solely to pad time. While sometimes it feels like this might be happening (for example the soccer match between Twilight and Rainbow Dash), it actually serves as a plot point further on. Not to say those scenes aren’t fun.

SPOILERS: Twilight has her ass handed to her.

In fact I cannot think of a single scene that could be removed and not affect something else that happens. The human version of each character is slowly rolled out, so we can spend a little time with each before the whole gang gets together and acts as a whole. It’s pretty tightly written and well paced, lacking the troubles some of the hour-long episodes suffer at not having enough time for the story.

The comedy is solid. They play with Twilight getting used to the human world in fun ways, without overdoing it.

This scene from the first trailer is what actually sold me.

Most of the jokes are character-based, but are written as such that they’d be funny regardless. The same good, solid laughs present in the show can be found here, much to fan delight. Pinkie Pie keeps her trademark impossible cartoony slapstick and physicality. The first thing her human doppleganger does is take one of the balloons sewn into her skirt and blow it up. Perfect.

You just keep on being Pinkie, Pinkie.

The ending was unexpected, and did not disappoint! I will not go into spoilers, but it sorta-kinda fulfilled a hope I had for the movie as a whole.

All in all, it felt like a proper MLP:FiM movie (sort-of sans Pony –they manage to work it in), which is all I really wanted.

Oh, do they work it in.

There are tons of things dropped in for fans, and it did a good job of standing on its own, working as both a movie and as part of the regular series via a side adventure. I would even venture to say that one who is not familiar with the series would also enjoy it. But of course it’s a much richer experience if you are.

Rock on, bafflingly popular background character!

Equestria Girls comes out on DVD and Blu ray on August 6th for those who missed the theater experience.

Albert runs an offbeat film podcast with his friend Austin called The Film Room. They are currently discussing GOJIRA.

In 2005, Edgar Wright made his feature film debut with Shaun of the Dead, a self-proclaimed “Zombie-Rom-Com” penned by himself and Simon Pegg, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. It simultaneously parodied and paid tribute to the Zombie genre while being a pretty kick-ass Zombie flick in itself. It became an instant classic.

Hey look, they’re fighting Zombies in a pub!

Two years later, Wright, Pegg, and Frost took on the buddy cop genre in Hot Fuzz. It also became a cult classic. This is my personal favorite of the two.

Hey, they’re fighting baddies in another pub! What are the odds?

Their next film, The World’s End, was teased as the final entry in what has been dubbed by Wright as the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy, otherwise known as the Cornetto Trilogy, due to the use of different flavor Cornetto ice cream cones in both films (Drum Sticks are the American equivalent).

Shaun of the Dead had Strawberry,

Red label for Zombie blood

Hot Fuzz had Classic,

Blue label for Cop uniforms

And presumably The World’s End will have Mint.

Green label for… Minty fresh Alien breath?

And now, 6 years after Fuzz, we have our first peek!

Five friends (Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Eddie Marsan), at Pegg’s insistence, reluctantly attempt to recreate a pub crawl they failed to complete in their youth, which ends at the ominously named “The World’s End” pub.

Yes, one is called “The Famous Cock”

As the night goes on, they start to realize there’s something amiss with the people of the town. Namely that they are all NIGHTMARE FUEL.

“Sir, can I borrow a ligh-HOLY SHIT, AHHHHHH!!!”

First off, I love the casting. Simon Pegg looks quite different from his usual role; he pulls off a punk look, and gets to play the fool.

I tried to find a straight-faced Pegg in this trailer, but I honestly couldn’t.

Pegg’s character seems to be stuck in the past while his old buddies have moved on to more mature, professional lives. It will be interesting to see how his character arc will contrast with the sci-fi nature of the rest of the movie.

We also get Nick Frost, who looks good as ever.

Every time I see Frost in a new part, he inhabits it in a way that is different from his previous roles. Yes, he is almost always the clumsy oaf in some respect, but his characters seem to have range. From a soldier in the Territorial Army, to a down-and-out loser, to a somewhat reluctant cop, he always brings his A game. I cannot wait to see what he does in this film.

Pegg in the back, not giving a single shit.

Oh by the way, in the shot following the above pick, Frost STARTS PUNCHING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE USING BAR STOOLS AS FISTS.

HELL. YES.

After a cameo in Shaun, and speaking role at the beginning and end of Hot Fuzz, it’s great to see Martin Freeman as a full character in this film.

You rock that BlueTooth, Martin!

Paddy Considine is also in this film, whom you may recognize as one of the Andys from Hot Fuzz. Glad to see he makes a return!

DAMN, he cleans up good!

I have to admit, I don’t know much about Eddie Marsan, but I do know I have seen him in other movies. At any rate, I’m sure he’ll be hilarious.

“No, I do not want to get ‘shit faced’.”

And all have good flashback doubles. They manage to resemble their mature adult counterparts whilst looking like they’re out to get stone drunk.

Of course the last of the trilogy wouldn’t be complete without a fence jump!

So without further ado, here’s the complete Blood and Ice Cream Fence Jump compilation!

We aren’t explicitly told what’s going on in this teaser (okay, we kind of are), but I’m going to call it: it’s aliens. Need proof? Here’s a still for ya:

E. T. phone home ON YOUR ASS!

There’s also multiple electric explosions.

What happens when you mix Mentos and Jager bombs.

And what looks like extra terrestrial blood on Simon Pegg’s face.

I’m perfectly okay with aliens! Zombie, Buddy Cop, and Sci-fi make for a really good action flick triple feature! I would pay money to see these three films shown back-to-back-to-back in a theater in an afternoon. I’m really hoping AMC, Alamo Draft House, and/or others will do just that for this film’s release. If not, I’m going to watch Shaun and Fuzz of my own accord right before seeing The World’s End, and I encourage you to do the same! Come on, let’s get annihilated!

I leave you with this awesome pic of Simon Pegg flipping a double bird.

Weird Al actually makes a good Harrison Ford.

I am proud to say on Saturday I went to see Raiders in IMAX for its one week release.  I also got a fancy poster to take home with me.

Don’t worry, the Blu Ray ad peels off.

Whenever I have the rare opportunity to see a beloved movie in theater, a couple thoughts run through my head. First, all the parodies I’ve seen through the years pop straight to mind. Second, and this runs concurrent with the parodies and references, I’m in utter awe of the fact that what I’m seeing is the original content, unsullied, from whence those parodies came. Seeing it on a big screen also has the advantage of letting you catch all the details that a television screen won’t let you see. For instance, every crevice in creepy guy’s burnt hand…

“Oh, this? Birthmark. Yup.”

…and the true frightening impact of witnessing so many snakes in one place.

“Oh look, my greatest fear. How convenient.”

In this way, seeing it on the big screen after years of watching it on a small TV affords you the chance to feel like you’re seeing it for the first time.

The funny part is, besides American Graffiti, Raiders and its sequels are the only George Lucas movies to remain untouched. The fear of this happening is at least enough that Steven Spielberg felt the need to point out that they didn’t change the visual effects. And really with a movie like this it is not needed, especially given its 30s serial adventure roots. Plus, I find there is a great charm in 80’s special effects that the invention of modern CG has snuffed out.

Before I went to see it today, I was talking with my friend. He mentioned the fact that Kevin Murphy (the puppeteer/voice of Servo on Mystery Science Theater) mentioned in his book A Year at the Movies (which I highly recommend) that he got to go into Raiders cold. Meaning, he attended a screening before the movie came out, armed with only the knowledge that it was a Steven Spielberg/George Lucas collaboration. I consider him very lucky.

It’s a good book about the theatergoing experience. I highly recommend.

Sad thing is, seeing as I was born five years after the movie came out, by the time I saw it every iconic moment had already permeated its way into popular culture. I have never, and will never, get that fresh viewing.  The absolute closest I can come is seeing it on a very big screen. So I urge everyone who can to go see it before it goes out tomorrow. That means you. Go! NOW!!

….still here? Okay, here’s a bonus clip of Belloq eating a fly.

Oh god, where to start? Everything about this trailer is completely kick-ass. It’s as if Peter Jackson and company secretly filmed The Hobbit among the Lord of the Rings footage, and are just now releasing it. Now, I’m at the vantage point of not having read the book for 12 years, so I can’t remember details. But I loved The Hobbit, and this is just spot on.

First, we’re treated to some familiar faces from the LOTR Trilogy. Elijah Wood as Frodo, and Ian Holme as old Bilbo Baggins.

We get an intro, then Martin Freeman emerges as a much younger Bilbo.

From his opening lines, it was crystal clear that Freeman is just the right man for the job. He has the sort of mild-mannered, yet gruff disposition that’s just right. Then we’re introduced to the thirteen Dwarves, each very unique. I made a handy gif for reference to watch over and over again in case you get lost:

I briefly wondered how Jackson would be able to keep so many Characters balanced, but then realized he already did it with more characters in Lord of the Rings, so thirteen Dwarves shouldn’t be a problem. The Hobbit is a light-hearted romp compared to Lord of the Rings; LOTR is a dark epic tale, and Hobbit is merely a bedtime story, albeit a wonderfully grand and adventurous bedtime story. I’m happy to see Jackson seems to know the difference in tone between the two books.

Continuing, there are a few familiar faces and locals. The Shire looks just as it did when we left it.

As does Rivendell:

Of course New Zealand looks just as much like Middle Earth as it ever did.

I’m not entirely sure what Galadriel is doing in this movie, as I don’t think she was in the book, but Cate Blanchett returns to her role.

"I was in the neighborhood."

Among other familiar delights we are treated to is Bilbo’s sword Sting in its heyday.

Some locales fans of the book will surely recognize: Mirkwood…

…and of course GOLLUM’S CAVE.

After introducing us to some new characters and showing us some beautiful panoramic shots, we are treated to Gollum’s reprisal; something that shoots chills up my spine.

"Precioussssssssssss"

Obviously since this is a teaser trailer, we aren’t getting everything. I can’t wait until Jackson gives us a full trailer! This is also only the first half of the story; we have to wait another two years for any inkling of Smaug the Dragon (played by Sherlock’s Benedict Cumberbatch).

Things to look forward to in the future: Stephen Fry as the Master of Laketown, Seventh Doctor Silvester McCoy as Radagast, the return of Christopher Lee as Saruman, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, Hugo Weaving as Elrond, and of course more Andy Serkis as Gollum.

It is worth noting that Saruman and Legolas appear nowhere in the book version of The Hobbit, so it’ll be interesting to see what Jackson does with them. Same with Frodo, I’m sure Legolas is only in the wraparound. I have a theory that he will help fill in some of the story concerning Galadriel and the elves.

Worth noting are the end credits. Not only is the writing team of Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens back, but it appears Guillermo Del Toro also helped pen it during his involvment, so looking for his marks on the film should be interesting.

Lastly, the final credit page:

Two things here:

1. We have to wait until next December to get the film.
2. It’s in motherfucking 3D!!

And not the post-converted crap, either. Every single picture you see in that teaser will be rendered in two-camera, Peter Jackson-shot, made-for-3D imagery. Sink your brain into that!

Men In Black 3. This is something I wasn’t going to believe was happening until I saw proof, and something I further didn’t think it was going to be any good if it was happening. Well, the trailer dropped this past week and we got our first taste.

Once again, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are back to fill the rolls of J and K.

Before any plot is revealed, we get to see some new alien scum, which include this creepy-looking dude:

and whatever this thing is:

The graffiti is the alien. GET IT?

We’re treated to a quip from J before he whips out a newly-designed neuralizer:

That quip was clearly worth Will's $9,000-a-week trailer.

THEN we jump into some actual plot as J tries to look up something, and is denied access. K tells him there there are things he doesn’t need to know, and we are treated to a bunch of random images, possibly having to do with whatever it is J “doesn’t need to know”. Afterwards, J storms into MIB looking for K and makes a quip to a new character played by Emma Thompson.

"Hi, I'm Emma Thompson. I must be important to this movie, otherwise I wouldn't be Emma Thompson."

She tells J that K has been dead for over 40 years. J’s only solution to this problem is to go on top of an eagle on the Empire State Building, where he meets a dude who hands him a device and tells him to jump (through time).

I would totally trust this guy if he told me to jump off the Empire State Building.

Jump he does, and before he hits pavement, he lands in the late 1960’s, where he’s face-to-face with Josh Brolin as a young Agent K.

I don’t know if they used vocal enhancement for his role, but if not, Brolin does an INCREDIBLE Tommy Lee Jones impression.

Now this movie is helmed once again by Barry Sonnenfeld, who directed the last two films, and it’s his first theatrical film since RV in 2006. I’ll let you decide what that means. Despite the lame quips and the fact that Andy Worhol is listed as a character on IMDB, (THAT DUDE’S WEIRD! HE HAS TO BE AN ALIEN, AMIRITE?) I’m still holding out hope, if not for the time travel aspect. It could go either way. Men In Black II wasn’t near as good as the first in my opinion, but it was a fun revisit and slight expansion to the universe, which is what I’m hoping this one will be.

There is one thing that strikes me as odd, and it may be a total coincidence. Remember the animated series that ran on Kids WB in the between time from movie one to movie two? Well, there’s an episode that involves time travel and disappearing agents that looks eerily similar to this plot.

First, agents disappear right before J’s eyes and nobody remembers them existing.

K doesn’t end up disappearing, but he’s on the list. It’s enough for them to go back in time to meet Young K.

There’s also this guy, who’s responsible for the temporal anomaly, who has a lookalike behind bars in the trailer.

Now, they could have taken elements from the same source (the comic book), or just had the same idea, but it’s a bit odd. Oh, also Emma Thompson’s character (listed as “Oh” in on the IMDB page) looks a bit like Elle.

I don’t know what to expect, but it was a good episode of Men In Black: The Series, and watching a live action version of it might be fun. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. Also, I’m a sucker for time travel.

Well… we seem to have gotten through the bumpy ride through the first four movies. Now we journey into much smoother and more consistent territory. While Years 1-4 had three different directors attached to them, the last four films were all directed by the same man: a Mr. David Yates. While the third film may be my favorite for stylistic and nostalgic reasons, this entire era of Potter films is my favorite. Let’s get right into it!

WARNING: AFTER THIS POINT THERE BE SPOILERS. IF YOU DIDN’T HEED IT LAST TIME, YOU PROBABLY WON’T THIS TIME, WHICH IS WHY I WILL CONTINUE TO HIGHLIGHT ANY SPOILERS IN BOLD, PREVENTING YOU FROM SKIPPING OVER THEM. SO DON’T COME CRYING TO ME THAT I SPOILED THE VARIOUS DEATHS IN DEATHLY HALLOWS FOR YOU, LIKE DOBBY, HEDWIG, OR ONE HALF OF THE WEASLEY TWINS. OH, AND HARRY DIES TOO. THERE. I SAID IT.

5. Order of the Phoenix

I have to admit that after Goblet of Fire, I was disappointed and was starting to lose hope that the rest of the movies would be any good. The movie was released 10 days before the final book was released, ensuring that any foreshadowing details they wanted to include in the movies after this point, they can include knowingly.

Having accepted my dwindling hopes for the last Potter movies, I saw Order of the Phoenix the day it opened anyway. As I watched the film, I noticed a definite change in this one from the last: it felt like a complete movie, not just a laundry list of plot points the filmmaker had to get through. Everything, from Luna to the Thestrals, to Dumbledore’s Army and beyond had a well-balanced place in the movie as well as the rest of the series. And the best part is the focus of Delores Umbridge as the villain.

Voldemort is almost second fiddle to Umbridge’s villainy in this movie. Almost. Like I said, Yates balances it very nicely. That pic to the left is her first introduction to the film as a minor character; a juror in Harry’s trial. Through the movie, she acts as the physical embodiment of the Ministry of Magic’s attempts to quell fears of Voldemort’s return, which they do in an overzealous fashion. Over the course of the film, she twists it into to a dictatorship over Hogwarts. She is not merely annoying, she is an evil roadblock in the way of Harry’s triumph over Voldemort. Now, the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher plays a major part in every film (or at least the end of every film), but nothing to this level. Yates makes you HATE her. She does a little of that herself in daring to have her office look like this:

That is just too much pink shit.

It would be one thing if she were merely evil, but her smugness and unbearable outward facade of pseudo-kindly ladyness and the fact that everyone can see through her lies makes her that much worse.

"Excuse me, Delores, but would you kindly GET THE FUCK OFF MY PODIUM?"

But the image that makes the film for me is the slow buildup of the framed rules the she has Filtch nail up.

Each rule gets more and more authoritarian until it reaches the point where she busts up Dumbledore’s Army using Malfoy and his hired cronies. THIS is when the Weasley twins decide they’ve had enough and create one of the most awesome and satisfying moments in the entire series.

"You know George, I’ve always felt our futures lay outside the world of acedemic achievement."

Even though they don’t vanquish Umbridge, they do give her some retribution by generally fucking her business up before fleeing the castle. They disrupt the O.W.L exams that she’s overseeing, flinging everyone’s tests in the air and doing this:

"Haha, YES!"

Afterwards, they literally and figuratively break the wall of rules in what is the singlemost satisfying moment of any of the films up to this point.

Filmically speaking, while this moment has no bearing on the immediate larger scale of events, the Weasley Twins effectively take her down a notch or two, kicking off her downfall from power. It was this moment that sealed Phoenix for me as one of the best of the series, giving hope once more to the future of the Potter movies.

The filmic depiction of the Room of Requirement took some time to grow on me, but it works. It’s more of a training room than a lounge. The film’s Room of Requirement means serious business.

The handling of Dumbledore’s Army is well done, too. It’s a montage that mixes with a time lapse of the passing school year. Neville’s transformation into a badass becomes more evident in this film with his progress in DA, and in his determination to avenge his parents.

"These newspaper clippings inspire me, Harry."

And I can’t leave this movie without talking about the genius casting of Luna Lovegood. She has the perfect one-minute introduction where Hermione introduces her by saying “Everone, this is Looney—– … Luna Lovegood” She’s also quite at ease reading her copy of The Quibbler upside down.

"It’s the Nargles."

The movie trades in the slow realization that she may not be as crazy as she seems for a quicker one, but it’s understandable for all the film has to juggle.

Last thing to address is the departure of Gary Oldman from the series. He features more heavily in this film in preparation for his untimely death. Oldman, we shall miss you. I’m sure you’ll appear somewhere in Deathly Hallows as a flashback or ghost. At least I hope you will.

We’ll meet again.

One last thing.

Let’s take a look at Young Snape, shall we?

"O hai Harry, nice to see you!"

(Alt captions: “I did not hex her, that’s bullshit!” and “You’re tearing me apart, Lily!!”)

6. Half-Blood Prince

Half-Blood Prince is like the last one in that it’s very smooth considering the amount of material that needs covering. Despite the fact that Voldemort makes his first appearance and claims his first life in Goblet of Fire, I still consider Half Blood Prince the point at which shit gets really real. Here’s a series of images to back this up:

One of these images is a spoiler. See if you can guess which one.

This installment is the literal dismantling of the Harry Potter universe as we know. One thing this movie has that I like, because we haven’t had it in two movies.. Quidditch!

Of course, this is a last hurrah if you know what’s in store for the last movie(s). But it shows Harry as the captain of the Quidditch team, with Ron trying out for Keeper, which almost more than makes up for the torturous lack of Quidditch for the previous couple films.

Sadly, this happens in the final film:

OH GOD WHY

Another thing I will mention is that Michael Gambon’s portrayal of Dumbledore has finally settled down to where it needs to be. His performance was closer in the previous film, but here it’s spot on. He’s a bit less constipated and more kindly. This single frame sums it up:

It’s the eyes.

He’s kindlier, also more mischievous it seems. Earlier in the movie Harry is trying to pick up a waitress, only to be called away by Dumbledore for some tasks. A little later, Dumbledore says this:

He totally did.

As has been built up by previous movies, the Weasley twins finally open their joke shop; the inevitable conclusion to their goofiness.

I WANT TO SHOP HERE.

Also going strong is Luna, who rescues Harry from having to fly back to Hogwarts after Malfoy’s shenanigans.

The big acting challenge in this movie, however, is for Tom Felton as Malfoy. Up until now, he’s been a fairly two-dimensional character. But then the pressure builds on him when Voldemort himself counts on Malfoy to do something unspeakable; murder his headmaster. I think Tom rose to the challenge in a surprising way.

Here’s him at the beginning:

Middle:

And End, when he’s faced with having to do the deed:

Good work, Tom.

Worth mentioning is how in the HELL did David Yates manage to mix all this mounting dark tension with kooky (but heartfelt) love stories? One scene has Ron hilariously being led to Professor Slughorn’s office  high on love potion, which seamlessly changes tone to him almost dying. By the way, that scene leads to this one:

Awwww….

This movie also marks the first time Harry (and by proxy the audience) gets to experience apparation. This is portrayed in a cinematically interesting way, having the characters twist and morph around wildly in mashed-up time-space.

"I’m trippiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg!!!!!"

Last thing.. this:

Go, Harry, go!

(And I know I left Snape out of this one, even though he was marvelous. He will be discussed at length for the finale, trust me.)

THE REST OF WHAT FOLLOWS IS BASICALLY 100% SPOILERS. THE EXTRA SPOILERY BITS WILL BE BOLDED AND UNDERLINED.

7. Deathly Hallows Part I

First off, I have to say that by this point in the film series, absolutely EVERYBODY’s acting performance is at peak. It’s like the actors were all waiting patiently to make this film, and the enthusiasm shows.

Slight nitpick, one of few in this movie. The wrap-up for the Dursleys was very brief and anticlimactic. They didn’t get the satisfying closure that the book had. The moment leading to that closure is in Order of the Phoenix, when Harry saves Dudley’s ass from the Dementors.

This scene.

For those who aren’t familiar with the books, the full scene with the Dursleys involves Dudley showing some appreciation and even a little fondness for Harry for saving his life two years ago. A revelation that Harry finds surprising and endearing. I understand the director wanted to get into the action pretty quickly, but I felt robbed of this moment between Harry and his cousin.

Thankfully however, the scene was shot, it is brilliantly done, and it is included on the DVD/Blu Ray (and a few places on YouTube).

“I don’t think you’re a waste of space.”

In the short run it’s an understandable cut, because it made way for an even more emotional scene; the one where Hermione is forced to erase her parents’ memories of any trace of her existence for their protection.

Immediately after, we’re treated to a barrage of Harries via Polyjuice Potion.

There’s something unsettling about this.

And the following chase scene is significant in that it contains the on- and off-screen deaths of two major characters. Hedwig and Mad Eye.

"I’ll save yo-OH GOD THE PAIN."

The Wedding of Bill and Fleur is nicely played; the ceremony serves to calmly introduce some plot points before the real chaos happens, including the introduction of Luna’s father and the first reference of the Deathly Hallows.

"Come on, Harry doesn’t want to talk to us. He’s just too polite to say so."

Then this happens and all hell breaks loose:

"…also, the minister is dead."

There are a few epic scenes and great individual moments that happen after this point. First is the ministry break-in, nicely played by three adult actors in the roles of the teenagers. Of course their voices stay the same as Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s, a nice touch to remind you which is which. Even better, Harry gets to stick it to Delores Umbridge one last time. When they aparate out of the Ministry, it leads to the weirdest chase scene in movie history.

"Ohh FUUUUUUUUUUUUU—"

Rupert Grint has quite the acting challenge in this movie; the Horcrux necklace they must carry turns him into a jealous Gollum.

“Hey, Harry… back away from my preciousssssssssss.”

After Ron splits from, rejoins the group, and helps Harry find the Sword of Gryphindor, he has to confront the Horcrux, which produces the creepiest nude makeout scene in any movie:

If you even try to fap to this, there’s something very wrong with you.

Lastly is the Deathly Hallows animated sequence. I think this is brilliantly done and it is the artistic centerpiece of the film. It is very stylized and fits well within both the movie and the Harry Potter lexicon.

One thing that has been mentioned to me is that the collective movie (Deathly Hallows) doesn’t go out of it’s way to point out that Harry is in possession of all three Deathly Hallows and is therefore Master of Death towards the end.I don’t think this is necessarily a fault because of the “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me” principle at the heart of filmmaking. This fact only reveals itself to those who are paying close attention, and that, I think, is the reward you get for doing so. For instance, even though Harry’s invisibility cloak isn’t anywhere in the movie, the animation drops hints that death’s invisibility cloak is indeed the same one Harry owns by highlighting the familiar texture.

The end before the end of Part I is the death of Dobby the Elf, which is given great reverence, and the scene carries the emotional impact needed for it. My only pet peeve about this is the movie packaging. Even though Dobby is in less than 5% of the film, he gets the only starring spot on the back cover, which is pretty much a giveaway for people who haven’t seen it (or read the books).

8. Deathly Hallows Part II

Want to start off this last part by saying that every moment in Part II was a blast. I had the exact feeling I got from reading the book beginning to end. Some of the multitude of deaths are minimized for time, but the ones who count are given their due screen time. The only one that I feel could’ve been given more screen time is Fred Weasley, who is only being mourned in the background of a shot.

Part II opens with a sort of “Previously On…” where we revisit Voldemort stealing the Elder Wand from Dumbledore’s grave and gleefully using it to make evil lightning.

"Ha HA! Evil!"

Afterwards, it’s not long before the movie gets into the scene I had been waiting for since the end of part I: breaking into Gringott’s. The scene lived up to every one of my expectations in that it was EPIC. It also involved Helena Bonham Carter as Hermione as Bellatrix, which was a bonus.

Pictured: EPICNESS

The majority of the film is dedicated to Harry’s subsequent heroic return to and the battle of Hogwarts. Just as Snape is informing the students of the punishment involved in harboring Harry Potter, Harry pops out and schools him, effectively staging a coup to Snape’s regime with the help of a pissed off McGonagle.

"GTFO"

A battle ensues; the Death Eaters versus an army of stone statues and Neville Fucking Longbottom. Neville is awesome from the first frame he appears until his last. Here’s a screenshot of his awesomeness:

“GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES OUT OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING CASTLE!”

There’s also Mrs. Weasley calling Bellatrix a Bitch, and subsequently killing the shit out of her.

“Who else wants some?!?!”

Then there’s Snape’s death. Rickman’s final curtain is brief, but well played and very sad, no matter what side you previously thought he was on.

“You have your mother’s eyes..”

The following sequence in the pensieve explaining Snape’s allegiances and actions throughout the story is heartwrenching. It almost makes you dislike Harry’s dad for taking Lily away from him. And it nicely explains Snape’s contempt for what Harry represented: something that could have been.

The scene after Harry’s death at the hands of Voldemort is a good one, but the image of the dying Horcrux within Harry is…. creepy to say the least.

"GAAHH!"

BUT I have to say I was pleased that I was right in Gary Oldman’s reappearance as a ghost!

I told you so! (Image via wolflamingo.tumblr.com)

The final battle between Harry and Voldemort after Harry is resurrected (with the previously hidden Resurection Stone given to him by Dumbledore) is peppered with a little more badass by Neville, followed by an ass whooping from Harry, who defeats Voldemort with simple wand logic. An ending that is actually more satisfying than it sounds.

Afterwards, Harry boldly does this to the wand that once belonged to his headmaster.

“Sorry, I can’t own a wand that switches sides every time it’s pawned.”

The years-later epilogue was nicely done, using the same three actors for their adult versions. This takes a few seconds to get used to, but it works. Also, you find out Harry named one of his kids after Snape, which is a nice gesture for a guy who basically hated him throughout the series.

All in all, it was a bumpy ride, but I’m happy with how the movies turned out, despite some notable subtractions and alterations here and there. I thought the seventh movie split was a little contrived when I first heard about it, but the director made it work out nicely, and I frankly can’t see how they could’ve fit all of it into one film. Major props to David Yates for filling out the last half of the Harry Potter film universe in an awesome way.

Thanks for reading my long Potter fan letter. Viva la Potter!

So when I heard the next year there were going to be movies, I rolled my eyes and thought “How could a movie series possibly be of any worth compared to the greatness of the books?” Looking back now 11 years, 8 movies, 4 more books, and a film degree later, OF COURSE they were going to make a movie franchise. How could they not? It’s a guaranteed box office goldmine! If I had the same taste in movies then as I did now, I would have been a little uneasy in hearing that Chris “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York” Columbus would be directing the first movie. With hindsight, I realize that was okay for the first couple movies, because they would have needed to be flat-out kids movies. The characters are 11, after all. Why not have the director of The Goonies direct the first couple Harry Potters? Any more after that would’ve been a mistake though, as the books, along with the characters, grew up and matured.

Unfortunately, the result of having four different directors over the course of 8 movie releases means they’re a little uneven. In my estimation, they range from brilliant to just okay. One holds a sore mark for me, but I’ll get to all that eventually. Before I see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Deux, I decided I’d better sit down and watch all the movies, one by one. I’m releasing this article in two parts (appropriately), so by the time I have the second part written I will have seen the last movie in its entirety. In the second part of this article, I’ll give HP7Pt2 an appraisal based on all that has come before. Ready? Here we go!

WARNING!! AFTER THIS POINT THERE BE SPOILERS! WHY ARE YOU READING A RETROSPECTIVE IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE MATERIAL?! SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE BUT IS ALSO A GOOD GUY, HARRY GETS SUPER EMO IN BOOK 5, LUPIN IS A WEREWOLF, AND HARRY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH CHO GOES NOWHERE. OH, AND HARRY GETS KIDNAPPED BY TIME-TRAVELING NAZIS FOR THE FINALE. OKAY, THAT PART DOESN’T REALLY HAPPEN, BUT YOU GET THE POINT! IN FACT, TO ENSURE YOU CAN’T SIMPLY SKIP OVER THEM, ALL FURTHER SPOILERS SHALL APPEAR IN BOLD.

1. Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone

The first Harry Potter film is a very decent almost note-for-note adaptation of the book. There are a few key differences, but I’m going to try not to compare the movies to the novel series too much. This article is about the movies, not the books.

First, I have to address it: Daniel Radcliffe acting in this movie leaves something to be desired. Having said that, he does get way better even from the first movie to the second. But in the meanwhile you kind of have to suffer through it for the first film. For example, here’s a shot of Harry’s reaction to seeing his beloved owl Hedwig for the first time:

"I'm overwhelmed with excitement."

Ron and Hermione also have that “first time kid actor” aura, but it’s a little less grinding on the nerves than Harry’s acting. They, too, get better from the first movie to the second. Ron’s acting transformation is especially worth noting, but more on that in the second film. Hermione is perfect from the get-go. Her acting in each film nicely reflects the age of her character. She’s a perfect know-it-all in this film.

One of many times she raises her hand in the series. And not just to punch Malfoy’s bitch ass in the third movie.

I can’t help but pick on the CG effects for this early ‘00’s film. I know, it was 10 years ago, and most CG from then looks laughable now that we live the age of Avatar. But still… I think the CG in the first Harry Potter is kind of crap. Here’s the troll:

And Voldemort:

Wait… did his nose get chopped off at some point? Is that what happened?

The lag in effects becomes especially apparent during the Quidditch match, when they try to have CG humans fly the broomsticks in place of the actors. The technology to successfully have CG stunt doubles wouldn’t mature until around 2006 or so, so I guess I can’t get on them too much about that.

A couple of leftover notes before I move on to the next film. Firstly, this film was released a year after Goblet of Fire came out, so there had to be a few things the filmmakers didn’t know was going to happen. I caught this the first time I saw it, but I could be misreading it. Tell me, are Harry and Hermione exchanging looks in this scene?

Is it just me?

Lastly, who’s job was it to put contact lenses on this cat? Because I feel so sorry for him.

Carl the Catwrangler: 1978-2001

(Also, I soo want life-size Wizard’s chess to be a real sport. The closest we have to that reality is Chess Boxing.)

2. Chamber of Secrets

Chamber of DOOM Secrets is a nice shade darker than it’s predecessor. I take it back when I said Chris Columbus would’ve been a mistake if he had continued to direct the films after the second. Kudos, sir. The acting from all three leads is loads better. Daniel Radcliff had to have gotten some useful pointers between films, because previously awkward expressions and reactions are smoothed out, and now play to get comedic timing. Speaking of which, this is when Rupert Grint started to show his great comedic acting chops. Every time I see this face:

I can’t help but bust out laughing. There’s also this:

It’s probably mostly the makeup, but you can’t prove he couldn’t turn that color on demand if he wanted to.

Emma Watson’s acting as Hermione is a subtle change, but it’s there. She blends with the group dynamic nicely. Another notable joining the cast is Shirley Henderson as Moaning Myrtle.  

She plays it over-the-top, but not too much so. Just the right balance of funny and melodramatic teenager. It’s just a shame she only appears in two movies. I wouldn’t mind her just showing up at random, like Nearly Headless Nick. Alan Rickman as Snape gets to shine a little more in this film than the last. In Stone, all he really did was show up and be foreboding, and only got one scene to himself. A great example of this is the Wizard Dueling scene.

At first he’s all..

Then he's like BOOM!

We’re also introduced to a younger Lord Voldemort in the form of Christian Coulson as Tom Riddle. He looks a lot like Ralph Fiennes, who as this point wasn’t attached to the series as far as we knew, so kudos to the casting people for that. He is very handsome in comparison to his final appearance.

Until of course this happens:

Ohhh, so THAT’S what happened to his nose!

Finally, this movie marks the last appearance of Richard Harris as Dumbledore, who sadly passed away before the making of the third movie. I have a special fondness for his version of Dumbledore, so much so that I initially didn’t like Michael Gambon’s portrayal, but more on that later. I think if he had continued to play Dumbledore, his later badass would’ve surprised us because of his initial kindly manner. And he probably would’ve taken his death like a boss in the sixth movie. But we can only speculate what that would’ve been like.

"Come at me, bro."

RIP, Mr. Harris.

The only thing I have to say about the special effects in this movie is: better. Muuuuch better.

One thing I’ve caught watching these movies this time around are the foreshadows of things to come. Not entirely sure if they’re mostly intentional or not, but they are interesting. For instance, when Ginny defends Harry from Malfoy in the book shop, Malfoy says: “Looks like you’ve got yourself a girlfriend.” Again, this is only two years after the fourth book has come out, when Harry’s love interest is Cho Chang, and there is no real inkling that Harry and Ginny end up together. Another possible foreshadow to the next movie is this shot:

But that’s probably a loose interpretation on my part.

This is also the final Potter film for Chris Columbus. Chris: you weren’t so bad after all.

That'll do, Chris. That'll do.

One thing before we move on.. Scabbers the Rat has his second obligatory appearance in the series, after having a coulple of brief scenes in the first movie. In this one, it’s one shot and name mention, just to remind you that a) Ron has a rat and b) his name is Scabbers.

"Hiya."

3. Prisoner of Azkaban

This. This is one of my favorite books, which became my favorite movie. Very nicely done. Sadly, it’s the only film in the series directed by the great Alfonso Cuarón, who directed Y tu mamá también (the film that landed him Harry Potter) and Children of Men. Alfonso’s approach is very stylized, something that the later films try to carry on somewhat.  You can pick out the style in individual shots and scenes, like the two mirror shots that serve as a wrap-around for the Boggart scene.

Showing of a bit? Yes. Super awesome? Also yes.

The special effects for the series get their foothold in this installment. The Dementors’ depiction is especially frightening. You really believe they could make Harry pass out.

Chills.

I don’t think I’ll comment on the acting from here on out in this article, seeing as everyone is in their element and firmly in their place on that front. Notable casting, however, is another matter. This movie has Gary Motherfucking Oldman. It was my first introduction to him, and from then on I believed he could play any role and get away with it. Even though Sirius’s Death two books later is really sad, the fact that Gary Oldman only gets two more movies is even sadder to me. Especially since he has to hide for the majority of it. Here’s a pic of Gary as Sirius Black so I can move on, or else I’d be tempted to fill the rest of this space talking about him.

Pictured: Complete Badass

Two other casting tidbits before we move on: Emma Thompson as Professor Trelawney is a nice addition to the cast. Slightly unrelated is how the actor and character of Neville Longbottom is progressing nicely, especially since his evolution is important to his shining moment in Deathly Hallows Part II.

Actually those two points are related. Just killed two birds with one stone in the screencap department.

The Weasley Twins gain some more screen time and notoriety in this film (as they should). For one, their fledgling candy making business gets underway in a nice playful moment in the Gryffindor dorms at the beginning, and they get to introduce the Marauder’s Map.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

This depiction of the map is so iconic and cool that ThinkGeek sells a life-size copy of it for $35.

One thing this movie warps a bit from the other films is the way the Hogwarts grounds look. For example, here’s Hagrid’s hut in juxtaposition to the grounds in the first film:

And here it is in the third film:

I'm pretty sure that back section of Hagrid's hut wasn't there before, either.

Quite a bit more distance and dimension. Also great is how Cuarón uses the grounds to effectively depict the passage of time, most often with the Whomping Willow.

Nice.

The part I was really looking forward to in this movie was the time travel scene, and it did not disappoint. It’s a great beat-for-beat mimicking of the scene in the book, with some directorial flare added for fun. It’s what completes this movie for me; very satisfying. The Time Turner sequence in Madam Pomfrey’s sick ward yields fun shots like this:

Couple of wrap-up points for this film: first, Scabbers the Rat is redesigned to look like Timothy Spall (who is also a great casting choice, as he does look very much like a rat.)

Just add another rat and a full moon and you have a t-shirt.

And lastly, the kick-ass Marauder’s Map-inspired credit sequence.

4. Goblet of Fire

I’ll start off by saying my memory tricked me into thinking Robert Pattinson was in every movie leading up this, and I’m kind of disappointed to learn he wasn’t. Stupid vampire roles notwithstanding, that would’ve been cool.

Okay, now let me lead you through this, because this is my biggest nitpick with the entire film series. Movie opens with a weak Lord Voldemort speaking to Pettigrew and some other guy, and they kill the caretaker. Strong start for the upped PG-13 rating. Then Harry wakes up in the Weasley home, skipping the whole Dursley business. Okay, good. Good cut. Then they immediately take a portkey to some campgrounds and see this magnificent shot, accompanied by Mr. Weasley saying “Well kids.. Welcome to the Quidditch World Cup!”

"Welcome, kids! You're in for some awesome shit today!!"

They quickly show us the Weasley’s T.A.R.D.I.S. tent, then we’re presented with this:

"Aww yeah, here it comes!"

The Weasleys climb to their nosebleed seats, and are treated to the magical fireworks and fanfare of the Irish and Bulgarian players as they fly onto the stadium, brooms blazing. They show off their broom skills as Krum, one of the key players in the story, is introduced as a world famous Quidditch player. They even make a point to highlight what he looks like so you’ll remember him later.

They make a big deal of this, and even show you, the movie audience, a closeup of his real face superimposed on his large magical screen face. Then the Minister of Magic introduces the game. Huh, I guess all the other players are chopped liver. Okay, moving on… the Minister of Magic welcomes everyone to the 422^nd Quidditch World Cup.

That scoreboard back there is practically begging for an epic game to start.

He takes out his wand and shoots a ball of light from it. “Let the match… BEGIN!!”

We follow the ball of light all the way up and out of the stadium, where it consumes the frame and fades to… this:

"Waitwait… HUH?!"

What… the… SHIT…

By this point in the film, we are at a little less than ten of the 2 hour 40 minute runtime, and the most epic Quidditch match in the series is glossed right the hell over. The entire screentime involving talented Quidditch players flying on brooms, showing off and NOT PLAYING QUIDDITCH is given a minute and a half of the movie’s time.

I know I said before that I wasn’t going to talk about the books in relation to the movie, but I just feel that as a movie, this fails. And it’s mostly because the storytelling falls short of what made the book so good. These are mostly minor things, but they translate into major things.

The first thing, you know Krum? The person the non-existent Quidditch scene sets up? He’s hardly in the movie. Fleur Delacour? Forget about it. And she even has more lines than Krum. The character of Cedric is set up just enough to where you feel sad when he dies at the end.

Mad-Eye Moody? Great performance here, but his character in the book is an adversary to Harry, much like Lupin is in the third movie, he’s just reduced to this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who’s a little nuts and drinks. Leaving out Harry and Mad-Eye’s relationship minimizes the impact when we find out the Mad-Eye we’ve gotten close to turns out not to be the real Mad-Eye, and is in fact a Death Eater named Barty Crouch Jr.

Though Mad-Eye turning into Doctor Who almost makes up for this.

Rita Skeeter is also sadly minimized. I don’t know why she’s even in this movie. The whole point of her being there is to cause more PR trouble for Harry, making it satisfying when she’s put into a bug jar at the end. By having her in the movie and not including that ending we’re again robbed of a satisfying conclusion to her story.

Grrrrrrrrr….

Also, I don’t know if this is an actor or director fault, but Dumbledore just seems too rough with Harry in this movie. Check out this still where it looks like he’s about to strangle Harry.

Save it for the next movie, Dumbledore.

Those are the bad things. Now for the good:

Director Mike Newell is not a bad director. He’s directed such notable films as Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pushing Tin, Mona Lisa Smile, etc. Though the movie was very uneven, he did get the interactions between the main characters right. First, he kept alive the slow buildup of the awesomeness that is the Weasley Twins.

More of this, please.

Second, by largely downplaying the relationship between Hermione and Krum, he was able to better explore what was going on between her and Ron, a subject that is further explored in the next movie.

Neville’s character finally starts to gain some depth in this story. We find out about what happened to his parents and his connection to Voldemort, a point that is important for later on. Also worth noting: I’m not sure if this is in the book, but the scene after the Yule Ball totally implies that Neville got laid.

Pictured: PIMP

Couple points to wrap up this movie and part one of this retrospective.

This is the first movie to feature Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, and he shines. You just want Harry to kill him all over again. His screencaps will feature heavily in the next part of this article, so here’s a pic of the rubber baby Voldemort:

"D'awwwww…"

Lastly, Daniel Radcliffe’s performance at the end of this movie serves as a preview for the angst-ridden hormone-driven teenager that Harry becomes in the fifth movie.

Look at this angsty motherfucker.

In part 2, we get to the real meat of the series, including the epic finale ten years in the making.

Harry Potter will return in “Harry Potter and the Chamber of DOOM! (Part II)”

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

In 2001, on the heals of his successful Thumb shorts, Steve Oedekerk made an equal parts terrible and wonderful little movie called “Kung Pow: Enter the Fist”. When I first saw ads for it, I cringed and said “No thanks”. Then I caught Thumb Wars on UPN and reconsidered my interest when I found out it was same guy. The Thumb shorts, for those who don’t remember, were a series of half-hour parodies of popular past and present movies done entirely with a cast of thumbs with creepy faces. I’ve seen all but one, but the best examples were Thumb Wars and Thumbtanic.

The rest were… okay. You can watch Thumb Wars in it’s entirety here.

But getting back to it, I saw Kung Pow on video and absolutely loved it. Through the years, I keep coming back to it and love it every time, but I’ve always felt guilty afterwards. See, the movie walks this line of ridiculousness that you have to continuously roll with. It’s full of lame jokes and silly sight gags that on all accounts should not be funny. And yet I still laugh. I ask myself why every time. I’ve come to realize that it’s probably not the jokes themselves, but the execution. The timing of the jokes, and the caliber of silly voices Mr. Oedekerk employs (he does nearly every voiceover for every character) make the movie funny and re-watchable.

A cover like this just screams “Banish me to the ends of the earth, and let’s never speak of this again.”

This guy.

My other fascination with this movie is Steve and his crew took an old Chinese film print and restored it –no small task- specifically so they could tell silly jokes. The movie they restored and modified is a Chinese 1976 Kung Fu film called “Tiger and Crane Fist” (or alternately, Savage Killers). Steve and company tried to contact the original actors from the movie to see if they were interested in helping with production. The only guy who contacted them back was the one guy they were replacing with Steve Oedekerk – action star Jimmy Wang Yu. He went along for the ride as their consultant.

The movie, while unique, isn’t a totally original concept. Dubbing over old Kung Fu movies is a comedy staple, most famously used by Woody Allen in his film “What’s Up Tiger Lily?”, which consisted entirely of scenes from International Secret Police: A Barrel of Gunpowder and International Secret Police: Key of Keys, save for a few bumpers from Allen himself.

Even so, what’s great about Mr. Oedekerk’s foray into this genre is he takes it a step further, shooting completely new footage and putting it next to the old footage. Farther than that, Steve digitally replaces Jimmy Wang Yu in the old footage. To assist with blending the new and old, there are also painstaking reproductions of props and sets from “Tiger and Crane Fist” so they could seamlessly blend the footage. This process included degrading their newer film to meet the original print somewhere in the middle in picture quality.

So with all that detailed professional work behind it (which I deeply respect), and the fact that I enjoy it so much, why should I be ashamed to like it? To tell the truth, I can’t quite put my finger on it. But it’s enough to where I’m a little embarrassed to own it. Even within the scant few DVD menus I had to wade through to get to the comparison above (and the DVD is very comprehensive; more on that in a second), I found myself hanging my head in shame at the lame jokes flying every which way.

Actual sample joke from the movie (by the bad guy, who insists on being called “Betty”):

What the hell?

…yeah.

But even with random bits of shitty jokes(?) like that, it’s all part of a whole. And the whole is funny and worth watching and revisiting over and over. The enthusiasm for which the acting and overdubbing is done is way over-the-top, and you can tell fun is being had. This is best demonstrated by the fight scenes. The movie includes both old (and somewhat altered) fight sequences from Savage Killers, and newer ones with new characters that they shot themselves. To their credit, they blend pretty well. The pop culture references add an extra bit of fun, too.

Remember when Matrix references were cool?

Even with all that, the DVD bonus features alone are worth buying the movie. For one, there’s a hidden layer of dialogue underneath the feature. In order to achieve the proper over-dubbing effect, different lines are spoken by actors in the newer footage than what is written in the final script. The option to watch the entire movie with these insane hidden lines is one of seven audio options on the feature. There’s also the “Long Lost Book on Tape” version, in which a deadpan Englishman reads the entire movie’s lines out as if it were a book on tape. To get a taste of this, imagine that joke above being read by Jim Dale. …don’t tell me you didn’t chuckle a little. (Note: the “Book on Tape” version is not read by Jim Dale.)

There is a fake trailer for Kung Pow II at the end, but Steve freely admits that this won’t happen again for a very long time, if ever.

So if you haven’t seen this movie, go watch it; you might enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it, I’m so, so sorry.

This happened.

For a period after that, a few scant Disney CG and live action films were released in 3-D. While I continued to be impressed by the process, I was not happy with the movies using it. The 3-D trailer for Journey to the Center of the Earth had Brendan Frasier spitting on the audience. I did not appreciate that.

That trailer was mixed in with Meet the Robinsons and a few other made-for-3-D previews at the beginning of the re-mastered and post-converted Nightmare Before Christmas. Though all the trailers were stupid, they looked fantastic visually. Things were popping out and flying every which way. It was exciting! Then the movie started, and disappointment slowly crept in. There were traces of depth, but the world wasn’t pulling me in. Not using the technology, anyway. Shortly after, I made an MS Paint diagram of how disappointing it was:

On the plus side, I was getting to see Nightmare Before Christmas in an actual theater with an audience so I didn’t complain too loudly, but I was promised a 3D experience! You can see the trailer here.

See? Does that not reek of awesome promises?

Cut to late 2009. Avatar, James Cameron’s 12-year furry fetish masterwork hit theaters in three brilliant mind-altering dimensions. Trust me when I say this: Avatar was the best use of 3-D I had ever seen to date. There was immense depth, objects close enough to admire without poking me in the eye, and the imagery occupying the space was realistic and beautiful. The movie itself wasn’t bad either. Original? No, but who cares? I had fun.

Finally, what I had been waiting for! A movie to come along that would fully realize the storytelling potential of 3-D, whilst throwing out the cheap gimmickry for which the technique had come to be known. Coraline also achieved this, but it did not do so at the sheer scale of Avatar. Avatar is almost not as good a movie without that extra dimension. (Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Coraline a bunch more than Avatar story-wise, but I didn’t come out of the theater completely dazzled.) Not to say Avatar is complete shit without 3-D- it’s not bad. But rather the third dimension is interwoven into the moviemaking and plays as important a part as the editing, acting, lighting, etc; it wasn’t just there to add an extra $10 onto the ticket. This is how all innovations of film should be used, like sound, color, and widescreen before it. Oh, but let’s not forget that 3-D isn’t new. Let’s go back a bit.

The 1950’s: television is born. The moviemakers of America feel threatened by the prospect that no one will ever have to leave their homes again to get their sweet, sweet moving picture fix. So they think of a few ideas to lure people out of their homes with the promise of new viewing experiences. Now, some of these were really stupid. Like Smell-o-vision, where they pumped scents through the theater air vents at certain times during the movie, wrecking the ventilation system in the process. Or the Tingler, which literally shocked the place where you sat.

But 3-D technology had some promise. The only thing it required was some extra film, a rig for two cameras, and millions of pairs of glasses. The only problem was, like most new technologies, nobody knew how to use it as a filmmaking tool. Actors threw things at the camera: spears, blood, guts, anything. It was simply a multi-million dollar way to say “HA! You flinched!”. Enter Alfred Hitchcock, film magician extraordinaire. He sought to use the extra dimension given to him to heighten the suspense in his film “Dial ‘M’ for Murder”. He didn’t see a gimmick, he saw a potential to tell the film’s story better.

Magic Eye time! Pictured: Attempted murder and the clue to the murder of the murderer.

Unfortunately, shortly after Hitchcock made his first and only 3-D movie, the craze died down. Over the decades, 3D has stuck around. But only now, and with the new digital process (and more recently the gigantic commercial success of Avatar) has it gained any kind of lasting steam.

Finally, the studios have begun to see the potential for 3-D to make them money. This has lead to practices such as taking movies already in 2D production and having technicians make cutouts of the actors in post to make a cheap 3-D effect. This is why critics complain that the extra dimension they paid for seems non-existent: it was shot that way. Oh, and did I mention the polarization process also makes the images darker, taking away any detail the cinematographer put into the frame? So yeah. There’s that too. But you know what? This abuse of extra dimensional technique could pay off in good ways. With studio money backing it, artistic directors would be able to experiment with the technique and figure out how to use it right. I’m looking forward to Peter Jackson’s 3-D “The Hobbit”, (which is being shot for it). I would also like to see what other great directors like Scorsese, Spielberg, or Del Toro could do with this technology.

Now, while I support 3-D as a tool of cinema, I must also have a disclaimer: Every movie does not need to be in 3-D. Just like shooting in color is a completely different art than shooting black and white, the art of shooting in 2-D has been developed and re-developed by some great minds over a long period of time. Some very awesome visual masterpieces were released last year that viewed just fine in classic 2-D. Christopher Nolan fought to keep inception in 2-D, just as he’s fighting to not shoot Batman 3 in 3-D. With the commercial failure of Scott Pilgrim in theater, the 3-D post-conversion process would have only added to the box office loss. Not to mention, it would have taken more time and money than usual with the onomatopoeia graphics, lens flares, and flashing fight sequences. However, quality and content-wise, Scott Pilgrim didn’t need the added dimension; the source material was already in a paper-flat black and white format, and to post-convert it into 3-D would’ve missed the point.

So my last words to the studios: Keep making 3-D, but use wisely and where applicable. And leave that decision to the artists.