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Published on June 10th, 2011 | by Sharp-O

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Tease Me, Baby! – Transformers: Dark of The Moon

Optimus Prime once said that “fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing”, hence why I’m here with another Tease Me, Baby for a movie no one else wants to touch with a ten-foot pole. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is the third and final of the mixed-bag Michael Bay trilogy of films. I thought the first one was an okay adaptation but the sequel can only be categorised as a colossal waste of two and half hours. While it had shining moments of awesome, they were not enough to save it. But this is not the forum to get into that.

Anyway, Dark of the Moon. Dark of the Moon. While the title has earned its fair share of derision from the fandom, it’s grown on me. Here is the trailer:

One giant leap for Mankind

The trailer opens strongly by suggesting that the entire reason for the great space race of the 1960s was to check out this sweet crashed spaceship. Neil and Buzz venture forth into the vessel to uncover what they can during a staged communications blackout.

Trust Issues

After discovering that the American government has been hiding knowledge of the long lost Ark from them, the Autobots are understandably annoyed. Prime in particular as he leans in close to declare that they have “made a grave mistake.” That accompanied with anti-Autobot sentiment rising amongst the populace could mean the Autobots leaving Earth to its own fate.

Heimdall, open the Bifröst!

BUT THEN! Some dormant Cybertronians (presumably Decepticons) and warships awaken on the moon and transport themselves to Earth via space bridge and we see scenes of them totally decimating whatever city they’re supposed to be in. With no Autobots to defend them, the Earth seems truly doomed.

One-Eyed Purple People Eater

Once again, it seems Megatron takes a backseat to this movie’s big bad, Shockwave. Ruthless and logical, Shockwave seems hell-bent on destroying the Earth and all of the fleshy creatures that inhabit it. He looks pretty menacing, all spiky and purple and with a giant cannon for an arm. He’s like some glorious robot Lucifer.

HEL-LOOOOO NURSE!

Megan Fox’s ‘departure’ from the franchise (Not the smartest move, comparing Michael Bay to Hitler) means there’s space in the cast for a new love interest. Filling this role quite nicely is Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, playing Carly Miller. Let’s face facts, when an English Victoria Secrets model turns up to an audition in lingerie, that should give you an indication of why she’s in this movie. You’ll hear no objections from me.

Unleash the Kraken!

This writhing mechanical tentacle monster is Shockwave’s pet weapon and is seen tearing up roads and office buildings containing most of the human cast. This should look friggin’ awesome in 3D.

Again, I found it hard to distill such an action-packed trailer down to six images and a couple of paragraphs. After the abomination that was Revenge of the Fallen, I was determined not to get my hopes up for the final movie. But after following the production and seeing the trailers, I think Bay might redeem himself.
I think this will be the Transformers movie that we’ve been waiting for, an all-out slobberknocker in a city with massive human casualties, not minor scuffles in the ass-end of Arabia. If I’m wrong, I’ll gladly come on here and say I was wrong but for now, I can only hope that Bay delivers on what promises to be the biggest action special effects movie of the year. Transformers: Dark of the Moon opens June 29.

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About the Author

Sharp-O

The Bearded Toy Reviewer and Tokusatsu Fan.



  • John

    Sharp-O, I’m still with you on this one. Looks awesome. Looks VERY awesome.

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